From where I stand

From where I stand,

“La Cordillera Central” and the Empire State stand side by side.

I am the seed with the hope of greatness that struggles to be in when everyone saw me out.

My name is atypical. It’s not Maria nor Juana, but Catherine. My last name is not Castillo, but Costello, but it’s not so clear as to why it’s not.

My birthplace is not Puerto Rico, but New York, and my lengua is Spanish.

My heritage is not one of hamburgers and pizza, but one of rice and beans and cocoro.

From where I stand, the history of a country influenced my decision to love and hate my birthplace and to long for a place that I fit, but don’t fit me.

I guess that longing comes from the doubts everyone had about me and where I will go in this long path called life.

From the hills of the small town, I grew up to the concrete city that saw my temporary downfall. Yes, the temporary fall that once held me back makes me want more.

From where I stand, I was born 16 years ago. A layer of fear came off, some hate slid down my back and a ton of habits became obvious, the drugs and the alcohol that came to a halt were waiting to have access to my life again.

How could I be so fearful, hateful, obviously torn apart by the habits that consume my everyday life?

In order to answer this question, I had to sit back and look at the long road ahead of me. I went to A.A. and N.A. meetings, one each day for 30 days, maybe two or three. I came early, stayed late, shared, and made coffee. That was a lot of coffee. That was a lot of meetings. It was a lot of work for someone who never worked more than a week on a job.

And for those meetings and all the downfalls in between, I rose above the stereotype that followed me.

It was ups and downs, lefts and rights. Never a dull moment. 9/11 came, Islam became a household name, I exchanged my shorts for a long dress and my hats for headscarves, and then I became part of the change.

I had no idea how this was going to work, but there was no stopping me, from growing, achieving, reacting and loving something unknown, something so big it could not be explained with one word. I grew older, a bit wiser, and found love again.

I learned I can do everything I put my mind into. And there is no reason to allow anyone to make me feel less than, and never, never, never, ever feel that age is a hindrance to step to greatness.

From where I stand, I stand, I stand on the mountaintop, under the blue sky and on the concrete jungle that has seen me grow. From the music of my jibaro, the salsa, the plena, the sun bathing my skin, while playing dutch rope in Jackson Heights, I stand stronger. I am Catherine Costello, Boricua pa’que tu lo sepas!!!