Fata Morgana

Every now and then I think about how, only recently, it was discovered that the true cause of the sinking of the Titanic was nothing more than a mirage.

These phenomena of Arctic mirages are named Fata Morgana, after Morgan Le Fey from Arthurian legend, who was said to have used these optical illusions to lure sailors into peril. A Fata Morgana is created when cold air passing directly above the ocean water is topped by warmer air higher above, causing light to be unusually refracted, thus creating what can look like flying ships or walls of water. It was this type of mirage that hid from view the iceberg that sunk the Titanic. They simply couldn't see it.

I've been thinking a lot about mirages lately because I recently had my own encounter with a mirage of sorts, a transit between Saturn and my natal Sun. It was a conjunction, to be specific. I could feel Saturn's restrictive energies early on last year, and what ensued were about nine months of deep self-reflection, facing my own self-doubts, clearing out the dirtiest of closets from the past, and learning how to just let go.

I learned through reading that when Saturn conjuncts one's Sun, it closes out a 14-year cycle that began when Saturn was opposite the Sun, as it takes Saturn 28-29 years to make a full orbit. So, I was prompted to think about what happened 14 years ago, and it quickly became obvious what I was dealing with.

2008 was a rough year, and not just for me. For starters, Pluto entered Capricorn in 2008, a transit that is also just now coming to a close. Capricorn rules my 6th House of health, work, and daily routines. All of these things were suffering tremendously during that time as I was struggling with severe clinical depression and PTSD. It was a time of living at rock-bottom. My greatest desire and source of pressure at that time was not only to get better, but to be and live as a "normal" person. I was under a lot of pressure to live and act as normal. To work and socialize like a normal healthy person. Except, I wasn't normal, and I wasn't healthy. Mental illness is hard for many to understand, but I didn't fully realize this at the time, and I didn't have enough faith or trust in myself to listen to my inner voice, which was telling me to simply rest and recuperate and prioritize myself.

So, approximately 14 years later, it's 2022 and, sure enough, as Saturn transited my Sun in Aquarius, I found myself facing my own Fata Morgana. It felt like the same exact situation I was in before, only this time I wasn't struggling with illness. I was, however, struggling with pressure to be more "normal". Having only recently stepped into metaphysical healing work, I wasn't totally sure about my path ahead, and none of what I was doing made much sense to people. The subject of money was quick to come up. How will I support myself? How can I prove myself to everyone that this work is legitimate?

I wondered what people were thinking of me. Am I a weirdo? Am I just being foolish? I began to question my goals and my path. Should I just do what everyone else does? Is this really my intuition speaking the truth? I had felt so sure for the past two years. Why was I questioning everything? Saturn.

Saturn, ruler of Capricorn and Aquarius, transiting through Aquarius, passes in front of my natal Sun, ruler of Leo. This combination of earth, fire, and air is everything needed for a mirage. The mirage I was faced with was one of fear, trapped in a life of hurting, of smallness, of needing to placate and please others, desperately wanting to fit in, ignoring my Sun in Aquarius and the uniqueness that brings. But Saturn isn't going to let me, or anyone, ignore what scares us the most. I held fast, deepening my meditation practice, and when the mirage finally passed and Saturn left my Sun, I could see my reality more clearly.

I can see how those tumultuous and emotional experiences over the past year pushed me to fully embrace my inner strength and my purest authenticity. By facing what I truly didn't want, I was able to clarify and focus in on what I do want to create and I can walk away from the fears knowing that they are just a mirage.

Saturn lives up to his reputation as the taskmaster and the stern parent, and in Roman mythology, Saturn is the God of Chaos. I don't particularly like chaos, but looking back over these last few months, I can see how there were a lot of old and useless things that needed to get busted up and cleared out. So, on that note, I thank you, Saturn.