Enough is Enough

It's always the same old thing. You meet someone special, smart, handsome/beautiful, with the potential for achieving great success, and a personality that at first could only be described as genuine, loving, and sweet. Too good to be true... I know. It seems no matter what the case is things are never what they seem just by looking at a person. I use to wish my life would evolve into some type of fairy-tale, you know; "hoping some day my prince will come." It started for me when I was 24 and I naively thought I had finally found him. Hey I said I was naive! It was one of those random acquaintances through a mutual friend. I was bored one late night so I randomly decided to take a ride to my friends job. As I entered the building he could see my reflection in the window.

When I first saw him something had come over me, something I haven't felt in quite some time. I was intrigued by his professional demeanor, personality, and looks. He was handsome and he knew it. Unfortunately, at that time he was involved and me being the respectable woman that I am, chose to slightly back off. Did I want to? Of course not but I couldn't compromise my character by trying to steal another woman's man. I was not built with that type of disrespect and devious behavior. Now don't be misunderstood, I let it be known I was interested, however; I did not press the issue.

Eventually, six months down the line I finally got my wish and my guy. He had broken up with his girlfriend and was on the market. As soon as I found out he was up for grabs I didn't hesitate to jump towards the opportunity of making him mine. The first two months of our relationship were smooth. It wasn't until the third month that we begun experiencing domestic problems. There were the usual woes, the insecurity phase, the loyalty phase, and the do you really love me phase. It was difficult trying to determine if he was trustworthy or not, especially since in the beginning of the relationship he had chosen to lie about his age and middle name.

Those characteristics may not seem that important but in my experience if someone will lie about the little things, they will lie about the bigger things too. Its seems in the beginning of many relationships people focus on trying to make a good first impression, mostly by pretending to be someone they're not. Then later on find out that it was all an act and the individual whom stand before them, is really not the person whom they claimed to be. Why is that? Why do people insist on focusing more on trying to manipulate your mind instead of touching your heart? As I imagine, anyone who could answer that question would deserve to be awarded one million dollars.

At this time in my relationship, I wondered and asked myself those questions repeatedly. I gave myself headaches trying to understand the logic behind the insanity. Finally, on December 3rd of the year 2012, almost one year into my relationship, I had figured it out. I observed a lot of my boyfriends behavior during that year and I realized that he could not function if he couldn't be in control of my thoughts, desires, and self-esteem. Meaning instead of him genuinely trying to please me and be a factor towards my happiness, well-being, and future success; he chose to enforce his wants, needs, and desires on me. As a result of his actions, he believed it would cover up what his true goals were.

I know you're anxious to know what those goals were. Well, let me tell you. His first goal was manipulation - gaining power over one's mind to ensure control over their personal desires. His second goal was to instil fear - enforcing a thought or feeling of danger or uncertainty over another individual. Lastly, his third goal was to create insecurities - promoting a lack of self-love, self-respect, and self-awareness towards oneself and others. Upsetting isn't it? And for what purpose you may ask? Nine years later, that question still lingers for me. All in which leads to my biggest pet peeves.

Everyone has a thing(s) that inevitably get under their skin best known as pet peeves. The biggest pet peeve I encountered during my relationship was how my boyfriend had noticed that I become vigilant and aware of his betrayal schemes. He would literally get angry and try to play the victim whenever I wouldn't fall for his games. Due to me allowing him to have control for so long, he actually believed I would never come to terms as to how comfortable he was when having control over the relationship. He figured he had already accomplished the goal of having me in his life. Therefore, there's was no need or requirement of him doing what should be done to keep me in his life. He believed I would never want or desire another as long as he had me under his influence. Was that foolish of him to believe? I would say so.

I admit I am partially responsible for a lot of things that happened to me throughout my relationship. I admit I chose to silence my voice for too long to ensure peace and tranquility throughout my relationship, which was definitely foolish on my part. I am far from perfect and I make mistakes like any average human being. However, it's what I have learned from those mistakes that have kept me moving forward. I use to settle for a lot of mess throughout my relationship because I lacked knowledge of self-worth. I have learned that my worth is everything and only I have the ability to control how it is being recognized, rewarded, and favored by others.

After developing a strong sense of self and understanding my worth; I no longer allow men to abuse or take advantage my morals or value. It took a long time to understand exactly what I needed to accomplish within myself to find my worth. During that journey of self-worth, I discovered that I am who I am., therefore I need to remember and do the following: (1) I need to love who I am, (2) I need to embrace who I am, (3) I need to never fear showing others who I am, and finally (4) I need to never allow others to influence me to compromise who I am. Because despite what others may think of me, I know I am a good woman who deserves to be loved, cherished, respected, and valued. I understand there are plenty of fish in the sea; however, I will never settle for being anyone's option because I was created, born, and raised to be chosen and treated as a priority.

I hope my story gave clarity, courage, and knowledge to those who may or may not be going through similar situations. I believe in being a voice for those who may not be willing or able to speak out about their experiences especially, when it involves relationship goals and woes. I too was once that person but as time went on I have grown to appreciate the beauty in being fearless, optimistic, and strong. To a real man or woman there is nothing more liberating and attractive then a strong man or woman. In conclusion, it's 2021 and relationships have become more complicated than ever before. Whether it's marriage, boyfriend/girlfriend, friendships, or the one I despise the most, situationships, the relationship becomes what you make it. In any type of relationship both parties are responsible and have to be willing to work at it otherwise, the relationship is doomed for failure. When experiencing issues in your relationships, be sure to talk over your problems and discuss your thoughts, feelings, and desires (do not argue). Listen to one another's thoughts, feelings, and opinions. Finally always, always, always try to be respectful of one another's thoughts, feelings, and desires.

If both parties involved can practice those three important factors throughout their relationship, there is nothing they can and will not be able to overcome. So as we are approaching 2022 let's try to put those practices to work. Let's conquer lowering the ratio of divided families, separated companions and partners, as well as baby mother's and father's drama. Let's practice promoting more family dinners and discussions on the daily basis, listening to our children more, and respecting one another more, because we are now entering the end of 2021 and "Enough is Enough!"