Dumpster Fire or "Lighting a Fire"?

Individuals across the world can probably agree on one thing when reflecting on 2020 as a whole: this year has been a struggle. From the pandemic that has swept the world, to social justice movements and protests demanding change, to lockdowns, mass unemployment, and a severe decline in mental/physical health, the cracks in our governments and social systems have never been more apparent. A common theme that has been portrayed across social media platforms is that 2020 is similar to a "dumpster fire" - a putrid, foul, burning mess. And while I have found myself agreeing with this sentiment at times throughout this never-ending year, I can't help but look at 2020 as one of the most formative years of my life. At the beginning of this year, much like many other Millennials, I felt that this was the year that I was finally going to "get my shit together". In fact, that was my New Year's resolution. Upon reflection, I can see that this year has taught me some very valuable life-lessons - ones that have, in turn, allowed me to start fulfilling that resolution.

1. Nature is the best medicine.

In April, when Canada went into lockdown, I re-discovered my love for nature. For so many years, I have battled severe anxiety and resulting depression - I was always so tired and irritable after a long week of work that going on a hike or even a walk down the street seemed unbearable. All I wanted to do in the evenings or weekends was let loose and party, or shut in and binge-eat while watching Netflix. I kept my curtains drawn at all times, to block out the sunlight, as the brightness hurt my eyes. I suffered from insomnia, not falling asleep until 2:00 or 3:00am most weeknights, and then prying myself out of bed to commute in heavy traffic to my job in another city. I hadn't always been this way though...for most of my childhood, my brother and I bonded by playing outdoors for hours, and I had been a camp girl until I turned 18. Throughout my university years, I walked everywhere...it was my main method of transportation. As I entered the working world and took on more responsibility, and as my mental health declined, I started shutting myself inside. The less I was moving, the more pain I would experience. In the back of my mind, I knew I would feel better if I got outside and explored, but always found some excuse not to...I had too much to do, or was in too much pain, or was just too tired. When the lockdown took away all of my distractions, like work, restaurants, coffee shops and friends' houses, I re-discovered the joy that comes from mindfully strolling down a vacant street. My mind became more inquisitive, more curious. When I had the opportunity to drive out West in May & June, I found my anxiety evaporating the more I explored. When I entered the Rockies, I was awe-struck by the enormity of the snow-capped peaks and vast valleys...I went from adventure-averse, to adventure-seeking. Even after I returned back to my hometown, I found myself going on multiple walks a day, and tuned up the old bicycle. The moral of this life-lesson: being immersed in nature reconnects your mind to your body, and your body to your soul.

2. Self-care is not just face masks and bubble baths.

I always thought "self-care" was just an Instagram trend that influencers tossed on their posts to show how confident and connected to themselves they are...another marketing tactic to get women to purchase expensive skincare and bath products. I would see all of these posts on the importance of putting yourself first, and grappled with the conflicting concepts of "self-care" and being "self-centred" or narcissistic. Throughout my life, I have spent time focusing on those other than myself, and making sure their needs have been met. I would place my worth on pleasing others, and trying to keep up the image of perfection that was instilled in me at a young age. As I entered my first real committed relationship, I slowly but surely started losing myself. I started withdrawing from my life-long friends, and he became my whole world. I would constantly put myself out and cross my own boundaries in order to give him a better life than he'd known before...in fact, I didn't even have boundaries. My mental health deteriorated for 2.5 years, as I continued to blame myself for all of our problems...when in reality, I was the only one that ever did anything to try and fix them. When I finally started creating boundaries and taking time for myself, when I started saying "no" instead of bending to his every need, he became irritable and aggressive. I left my ex over 6 months ago now, and I can honestly say that putting my energy and focus into myself has been life-changing. Picturing the future I want for myself, without bending my visions to suit the person I was with, has helped bring enormous clarity to my life. I've been doing the deep, inner-self work that is necessary to finding a balanced, peaceful lifestyle, and confronting the demons that led me down a negative path in the first place. "Self-care" can include face masks and bubble baths, but it is so much more than that. Self-care means choosing to let go of people that inject negativity into your life, even if you've known them for years. Self-care means giving yourself permission to take a break and be unproductive. Self-care means eating the foods that make your body feel good, and letting go of the "shoulds" that run around in your brain. Self-care means caring for yourself, in the way that you might care for a loved one. The moral of this life-lesson: as the airlines say, "Secure your own mask before assisting with someone else's".

3. We each have our own, individual "timeline".

Regardless of the expectations that your parents, society, or even your own mind place on you, each one of us has our own unique timeline of life. Some people may find their dream job right after graduation, some may change their career path 3 or 4 times before they find the right fit. Some people may have a child in their early twenties, and some may not have children at all. Some people may move out at 18 and rent for years, while others may live with their parents until they're 30 in order to save for a down payment on a home. We have been conditioned as a society to believe that there is a basic structure of life to follow - go to school, get a job, buy a home, get married, have kids, retire. While there is nothing wrong with following this structure, the reality is that the majority of people in the 21st century no longer subscribe to this pattern. And, what's more, is that those who do follow this trajectory, tend to have their expectations shattered at some point. Maybe they end up getting divorced, or they lose their job, or...I don't know, a pandemic hits. The point here is that each person has their own, individual timeline that is meant for them - and it isn't our place to judge or compare those timelines. What's right for others, may not be right for you...and that is OKAY. As long as we are actively working towards fulfillment in one way or another, we are doing what we're supposed to do. Wherever you are is exactly where you're supposed to be. The moral of this life-lesson: create your own path, even if it veers off the beaten track.

4. Live mindfully and with intention.

Prior to the first lockdown in the spring, I was living my life rushing from one place to another, focused on checking items off of my to-do list and always remaining productive. I had a hard time knowing what I needed at any given moment, and was essentially living my life in autopilot...I felt as though I was living my life for other people. I had no energy to do anything but the bare minimum, and ended up mindlessly watching TV or scrolling my socials. I had learned about mindfulness practices and the healing power of meditation throughout years of therapy, but was never able to truly apply them to my everyday existence. When the lockdown hit, it seemed like I finally had permission from the universe to reconnect my mind, body and soul. I was so starved to get out of the house that I went on daily walks just to be in the sunshine, and started noticing the details of the world around me. It was as if I had woken up after being on pause for the last couple of years...and I began to re-discover myself. Instead of playing games on my phone or watching Netflix for hours, I started listening to music while I cleaned or read a book on the porch. Instead of scrolling through Instagram while in line at the grocery store and scowling at how long it was taking, I started enjoying the stillness, and listening to my surroundings. While I usually rush through mundane tasks like errands or washing dishes, I slowed down and noticed each of my senses that were involved. I took these practices with me out West, and would find myself simply staring off into the distance, at whatever spectacular sight I had the privilege of gazing at....taking it all in. The moral of this life-lesson: slow down, get off your phone and enjoy the privilege of the present moment.

5. Cultivate the relationships that encourage you to grow.

As you grow and change, there are inevitably people that you shed along the way. It's almost as if you are bursting out of a cocoon, leaving your shell behind as your transform from a caterpillar into a butterfly. A harsh reality I faced this year was that several people whom I considered to be my "best friends" were people that, in reality, stunted my growth and exuded toxicity. For a long time in my life, these people had provided intense comfort and support - however, that was no longer the case. Letting go of people that I had been extremely close with for over 10 years was a hard pill to swallow...especially those that I had pictured having in my life for, well, the rest of my life. While grieving the loss of those relationships was painful, I was rewarded by reconnecting with genuine friends that I had lost touch with over the years. When I made the decision to stop pouring my energy into the wrong people, the universe placed positive, light-bearing influences directly into my path. The more that I got to know myself and trust in my own intuition, the further I was guided away from those negative influences, and the closer I was brought to my spiritual, intellectual and emotional equals. I went from being surrounded by people with no hobbies or passion for life, to deeply connected friendships that are rooted in unconditional love and adventure. The same can be said about my professional relationships as well. For the majority of my career, I had been working in the same toxic work environment, giving my blood, sweat and tears (literally) to show my dedication, only to be passed up for promotions that I deserved. Once I admitted to myself that the environment was not conducive to growth, I branched out and made new connections that saw my worth and showered me with opportunities. Throughout my stint of COVID unemployment in April, May and June, I hustled to connect with new professional contacts and grow my network. Again, the more time I spent interacting with positive influences, that were specifically looking to help others in their quest for betterment, the more I received in the way of opportunities and connections. I now have a completely different career path than I had a year ago, and am working full-time for an organization that genuinely values me as a part of the team. The moral of this life-lesson: conserve your flow of energy for those that grow with you and lift you higher.

If you managed to review your 2020 year and see how much you've grown, congratulations. If you're not there yet, you've got more than enough opportunity! Here's to even more self-reflection, growth and mindfulness as we enter 2021.