Don't Hit Pause. Fix Your Nouns.

What are the real subjects in your life's sentences? Who and what are the people, places, and things that make you sad, make you doubt, make you feel less about yourself, and less about the world around you?

Hello there. It's your friendly cricket here to tell you that your triangle, double bar, whatever-the-hell "pause" tattoo needs a touchup...

Or a removal.

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Let me explain.

The internet gods and tongues of society shout at us through megaphones to "pause". (how insightful).

To pause- because that will fix us. Something so momentary. So fleeting.

When did it become wrong to hit "stop" and see if this is really the song you want to be listening to. Check to see if this bop is even a bop. Maybe it used to be, but you've been on repeat for so long you just need to change the music. You may find that what you really need is to hit "shuffle", or "skip", or clean up your "liked songs" and go back to some oldies. Or maybe you need to change the whole playlist.

Pause is a word that insinuates a resumption of the same events as before once we hit "go" again.

I understand that in certain situations this is unavoidable, but we should be careful about what we preach, because sometimes we have more power than we think.

Why would we subject ourselves to rejoin the same fray of our lives if something isn't working well for us? That can't be what we want. Why would it be? What is the point of coming up for air from the crashing waves if you're just going to dive back in again?

How about: stop diving.

Get yourself to shore instead, (and keep around those who are truly good for you).

Get out of the deep end in the pool of your thoughts and to-do lists and dry off a little. Here, just, let me give you a towel. Sit down in this sunchair, there you go, now hear me out. I wanna explain something a little:

Self care rituals, mindful minutes, calligraphed journals, and bath bombs that glitter... they're great and all, but are you just polishing the chaos. or are you actually weeding out the dead stems and choking brambles? Are you fertilizing your mind or are you just pouring sugar water in your cup?

Eventually, you're gonna find yourself in some sparkle-covered sticky mess that no DIY slime tutorial can top. It will eventually just be you, your inner self, and the smile you plastered on with Mod Podge and tacked up on your face.

Now, don't get me wrong, waking up in a state of optimism and practicing self-loving habits is something I strive to achieve everyday. I'm not always perfect, but I know that if I were to buckle down and force myself to grin through *every* warzone that it would only make me go crazy and lose it. How about you? Assess yourself and your situation. Don't *always* limit yourself to hitting pause, when you could be doing so much more. Don't only take that "scheduled deep breath", or ten breaths. Why not try sitting somewhere private, getting something to write with, and sifting through your soil, and uncovering your problems.

Not wishes. Not life goals. Problems.

Scribble, scratch, carve them into thoughts, into truths- all for your eyes only.

Now- don't mistake problems for "tasks" to solve, like paying your bills or finishing a project that makes you nervous. I'm talking about your fears, insecurities, the shadows underneath the tasks. Why does that project make you nervous? Are you anxious? Why? What are the real subjects in your life's sentences? What are the people, places, and things that make you sad, make you doubt, make you feel less about yourself, and less about the world around you?

But let me break it down a further: People, Places, Things. The real nouns in our lives.

Start with people. Humans, aliens, and ghosts. (think about it).

Humans: Who's a jerk to you at work? Does your significant other really treat you right? Who is currently in your circle- from the closest to the farthest away- who *is* *a* *part* of your life that gives you grief of any kind? Write them down.

Aliens: Who is AFK in your life? Who walked out? Who ditched you and hurt your trust? Who burned their bridges and cut their ties to you? Who broke your heart? Those who might as well be in outer space to you and feel gone forever on ships of their own but you feel shouldn't be- write them down.

Ghosts: Who is really gone forever. Have you dealt with all these feelings and this loss. Write them down.

Now we have our peoples written, how about our places? Our homes?

Where are places you go that give you anxiety? Is it everywhere? Is it work? School? A particular class? A specific seat? Is it a place that you don't really go to, but only need to pass in order to get to somewhere else? Is your environment a constant state of struggle or is it a place of safety and peace? Is your room clean? Is your home clean? Your car? Write down the places and the "biomes" -if you will- that aren't doing you any good.

Finally, let's look at some things in our own lives. Within ourselves.

What are habits that have become unhealthy? Are there material items that are no good for you, like making abusive decisions with drugs or alcohol? Are you endlessly scrolling on your phone? What about your inner thoughts- do they do more damage than good? Where have you needed to push yourself and haven't? Where have you needed to give yourself grace and you haven't?

Do you tend the flower of your soul? Are you watered, fed, cleaned, polished? Are you cleaned and dusted, functioning, and forgiven?

Loved?

Check in with yourself. Really. What are your places? Who are your aliens? Where are your ghosts? Your things?

What are your nouns?

How are you, other than "fine"?

Don't Hit Pause. Hit Stop. Hit Shuffle. Hit Skip. Start a different damned playlist. It's okay to change the song.

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We have made peace with submitting ourselves to mantras of unhappiness, stress, and disappointment- but we tuck ourselves in every night and woo the turbulent tides to ebb away for one night's sleep. To wane. To comply. To condone the quality of life around us.

But it doesn't have to be that way.

Unless you take action to change yourself, your surroundings, and/or your relationships to those that surround you, no amount of books, podcasts, selfies and snacks will truly help you.

Don't distract yourself with "self help" and go really help yourself.

Call someone, find a therapist, save your money and change your job, get away from those who don't appreciate you, mend the bridges that have been broken, even when sometimes that means in the end you let them go.

We need to stop trying to cover up our bruises and smiling through our hurt and instead really try to heal them. I'm not telling you to trash positive practices like taking moments for yourself to breathe and contemplate- but maybe sit down and ask yourself why you are so overwhelmed to begin with. Sometimes, hitting pause just isn't enough.

There are certain things in life that will always remain out of our control. We can't turn back time and we can't save everyone... But if we really look deep enough, we can typically find a person, a place, or something that holds some level of responsibility for making us feel anywhere from unhealthily stressed to really messed up inside.

I know that you have the ability to find a healthy answer, or at least a better path to one, and that you have the control to start taking those steps in a better, love-filled direction.

Address the things that take up your deep breaths.

This way you don't need a daily "pause", and instead, you can just breathe.

Now go fix your nouns.