Disconnect from Social Media to Reconnect with Gratitude

Recently I decided to cut back my social media use.

I’d noticed a growing dissatisfaction beyond the normal day-to-day struggle of making ends meet as a freelancer that was robbing me of joy. A combination of constant ads trying to sell me pretty things I don't need and a seeming uptick in big-life-event announcements on my friends’ feeds had me focused on all that I don’t have in life rather than being grateful for all that I do have.

By all accounts, I have a great life. I work for myself and therefore have more control over my time than most people. I don’t have kids, so, ditto. I live in a place I love with access to lots of outdoor activities, good food, and other interesting recreation. I also have a fun, loving, and very supportive relationship with my boyfriend.

It’s easy to forget how great all those things are when I get bogged down in the things I don’t have but feel like I should: a home with some land (I rent an apartment), a more successful career, and more financial stability.

I suspected that stepping back from social media for a bit would have a few important effects:

1) Allowing me to remain focused on gratitude for what I have rather than disappointment over what I don’t.

2) Preventing me from becoming distracted from pursuing goals I care about.

3) Making me a generally happier and less complaint-full person.

Method

My plan was not to quit cold turkey. I live far away from many of my close friends and my family, so social media actually plays a big role in maintaining connections to the important people in my life. I wanted to be able to check in if anyone sent me something, but I wanted to derail the urge to mindlessly scroll.

The first step I took was to move Facebook and Instagram, which are really the only two that I use frequently, off the home screen of my phone. I put them both in a folder and moved that folder to the second screen, which holds all the apps that I very infrequently use. This way, when I picked up my phone to answer a text or check my email, I wouldn’t see those two and default to checking them as well.

This worked immediately. I got a text from my best friend while I was working, and after I responded I found myself looking at the phone, feeling like I needed something but not sure what. I recognized the urge to check those social media apps, and, since they weren’t visible on my home screen, it gave me that extra moment of pause where I could tell myself, “Nope.”

The second part of my plan was adding a set of replacement behaviors. During the times when I’d normally be scrolling (my Instagram activity monitor says an average of 53 minutes a day this past week, and Facebook is about 20 minutes), I planned to dig deeper into the things I already love doing. Over a whole week, staying off those apps would free up about ten hours. If I worked all ten of those hours, that would result in about $2,000 more income a month.

I love to read, but I don’t read as much as I’d like to because, as an editor, I read all day for my job. I could allocate some of this new free time to working my way through the stack of pleasure-reading books piled next to my bed.

Finally, I want more outdoor time. Almost no matter how much outdoor time I get, I want more, but working at home sometimes gets me in a house-bound mode. I try to get out every day, but the timing doesn’t always work, depending on the weather. But with ten more hours in the week, I’d have more flexibility in that area as well.

Here’s how it went.

Day 1

I already feel more focused and stable—generally more content. I’m able to generate more thoughts about my goals and feel less distracted and fragmented. I feel like I had a full day with both accomplishments and time for enjoyment, and that those are both things that I’ve recognized more fully without thinking of what I’m not accomplishing or enjoying.

Day 2

I’m realizing that what I suspected is true: the social media sites create insecurity and anxiety. Advertising is aimed at creating insecurity, especially the ads on Instagram. When I watch TV, I’m not usually taken in by the ads…I guess I’m not really their target audience. But the way that the ads are tailored on Instagram makes it so I constantly see stuff I like and want. It creates a cycle of “I want that”—“I can’t have it” that wears me down.

The thing is, none of these things are expensive. They aren’t typically big-ticket items. They are clothes and jewelry and equipment related to my interests that are generally in a price range that I could justify spending. But I don’t need them. And the problem is that if I keep buying these small things, I won’t save money for the big things that I actually value, like a home, or travel, or capital for investments in projects that really matter to me.

Then I go on Facebook, and I see people who have those things. This is a double whammy of “things I don’t have” that creates a general mindset of lack. It makes me feel deprived.

In rationalizing why I can’t just make all these impulse buys, I say to myself that I can have them later. When’s later? When I have more money. When will I have more money? When I’m more successful in my career. When and how will that happen? I don’t know the answer to that, and it stresses me out. The vicious circle goes on in my brain until my whole mindset is that I’m living in deprivation, and I don’t know how I’ll get out of it.

But I’m not. I have what I need.

That cycle creates a mindset where I’m longing for a time when I can just buy whatever I want whenever I want. Yet if I step back, I see that’s not actually something I value. Like everyone, I want financial stability. But I believe that having a bunch of crap clogs up your life in really problematic ways and that more stuff doesn’t equal more happiness.

It turns out it’s not even the stuff itself that I really want—it’s the freedom to be able to get it when I want it. And that’s why I live the way I live, because freedom is something that I value highly. It’s why I don’t work for someone else. So although I do not have the freedom to buy whatever I want whenever I want, I do have the freedom to structure my time, to choose what jobs I take, and to go where I please. If I think about it that way, I see that I actually already have what I want.

Day 5

After the initial novelty wears off, it becomes harder to maintain habits—even ones with obvious benefits. So the urge to pick up my phone and scroll has come back a bit over the last two days. I’ve indulged it here and there, but I have limited it to a couple of minutes.

The key to avoiding it seems to be replacing it with something else. Boredom and loneliness are what makes me default to scrolling. But I actually have so many ideas and projects and plans that I could be doing—so I just keep reminding myself to do them instead. And whereas I didn’t have the energy or motivation to do them before—because I was focused on being depressed about what I didn’t have and wasting time on social media—now I’m actually doing something to get where I want to be, which replenishes my energy instead of draining it.

Day 6

Also gone is that free-floating sense of dread that accompanies the idea that I’m not doing what I’m supposed to be doing. Today I had an incredibly full day, completely unhurried, including the following in addition to a full day’s work:

Drinking tea and reading

Grocery shopping

Laundry

A long walk outside

Cooked a good dinner

A self-pedicure

A long shower

Conversations with friends

Time to work on my own writing

Day 9

It’s 12:03 pm, and I have done zero work so far. What have I done instead? Binge scrolling through Facebook and a dance party in my kitchen.

My takeaway from this is that it’s difficult to build good habits into your life, and that some days you’re gonna backslide. But I also remember that the point of taking a break from social media was to make myself feel better; to remember the gratitude for what I have and to stop worrying about what I don’t. So I don’t feel bad about this little binge.

Rigidity isn’t the answer—it’s generally incorporating things into my life that make it good and generally minimizing the things that make it not good. The goal isn’t to test the strength of my willpower to stay away from social media—it’s to be able to interact with it in a more balanced way. It makes sense that after nine days of barely looking it at, the pendulum swung in the other direction.

Yet it’s interesting to note that even when I found myself scrolling again, I was more impervious to the ads. I didn’t want things as much. I didn’t feel deprived.

Social media can have a lot of benefits. But as with anything, we need to be aware the side effects. For me, it was a vague sense of dissatisfaction with my life that went away when I backed off. If you’re looking for a way to connect with gratitude, perhaps disconnecting from social media will help.