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Invisible illness

By Johnny SixPublished 3 years ago 3 min read

Many people seem to think that being on SSDI is a vacation. These people have no idea how wrong they are. I have been on SSDI for ten years now. It's not a picnic or walk in the park. People have said I am lucky. I am anything but lucky. I have severe fibromyalgia, chronic fatigue syndrome, heart issues and spinal issues due to a car accident 27 years ago.

I began working when I was 12, under the table. I would babysit and clean houses. When I was 15, I got a job at a local grocery store. I became what you can cll a workaholic. I loved to work. At ties, after I graduated from high chool, I would work 3 jobs. Working ment everything to me. When I became pregnant in 2007, the pain and exhaustion I had experienced most of my life, became much worse. I thought it was due to being pregnant. After my daughter was born, the pain and exhaustion did not go away. When my daughter was 2 years old, I began missing a lot work, going home early. All because I could not keep my eyes open and the pain was unbearable. My doctors ran tests, but couldn't find anything in specific. They had a theory, that it was fibromyalgia and chronic fatigue syndrome. They had to watch my symptoms for 6 months in order to confirm. After the 6 months, they confirmed it was fibro.

I was sent to a rheumatologist for further testing to ruie out any other illnesses. I have been tested for lyme disease, lupus and MS a few times. Each test has to be sent out for confirmation. Each test came back inconclusive. By the time December 2010 came along, I was struggling with work and hoe life. I did not have the energy to do both. I would work 50 plus hours week then come home and collapse. I couldn't take care of my home or family. I was relying on others to do things for me. My doctors made the call to take me out of work. I was hoping it would only be for a short time. I was so wrong.

After a couple of months of being out of work, I applied for social security disability. It took about 9 months, but I was approved. It was not an easy choice to make. It was a very difficult choice to make for someone who lived to work. So many emotions hit at once. Feeling anxiety, depression, feeling like a failure are just some of the emotions I faced. I still deal with those emotions on a daily basis.

Being on SSDI is no picnic,especially when you are dealing with many health issues. I have many times where I feel like I am a failure. Feeling as though I am not contributing to life. It's depressing. I spent most of my life working, then to have that ripped out from underneath me, is heartbreaking. Living with chronic pain is a nightmare. Not knowing from day to day how I am going to feel is a nightmare. Not knowing if I am going to be able to accomplish anything each day is not easy. I pay the price each day just to get out of bed.

This is not the life I had hoped for. I had my life planned out at a very young age. I was so close to accomplishing all my goals in life. Then, my health took a nose dive. I have made it my goal now to help others understand what life is like with fibromyalgia. That your life does not have to end because of it. Take time to enjoy the small things in life, for those are what matter.


About the Creator

Johnny Six

I'm a devoted stay-at-home mom, passionate about alternative education and homeschooling. My daughter is my focus, and together, we explore various hobbies,cooking, art, nature, reading, and music. https://helsprintsandthings.etsy.com

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