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Crabs In The Bucket Mentality

Changing Our Lifestyles & The Scripts We Tell Ourselves

By NikkiDeeFit | Nicole DeFelicePublished 7 months ago Updated 7 months ago 6 min read

Ever heard of the crabs in a bucket mentality? It‘s a way of thinking summed up as: “if I can’t have it, neither can you.” Basically if you put a bunch of crabs in a bucket, and one tries to climb out, the rest of the crabs will all try to drag that crab back down into the bucket with them. Sure, any one crab can climb up and escape. Yet, it is the groups demise to pull each crab down that tries to climb up and out ahead of another first. ⠀

In our human relationships we are influenced by our circle. Most of us have a lot of relationships, coworkers, family, and friends in our lives. Here, I’m talking about the ones that you chat with and see on a regular basis. The people we are around and in communication with the most.

Surrounding yourself with the right people for you, will determine how far you grow or don’t grow through life. If you’re leveling up aside one another or staying stagnant together. Just like plants, we require the right environments to flourish! Aware or not, these people are influencing your decisions, mindset, success, health choices, the things you are consuming in all forms. They’re either giving you energy and inspiring you, or draining your electricity to fuel their own light, and then no one ever gets to move forward. ⠀

We can’t always completely cut people out of our lives. But we can distance, set boundaries, communicate, and add in more positive people we wish to have around us that lift us up, push us to be even better versions of ourselves. What does your circle look like? Is it dragging you down or lifting you up? If you’re the smartest, most successful, healthiest, top, best, whatever in the group too...I encourage you to open your circle wider. To people that inspire you to grow further in other areas they may excel, that push you to keep growing always! ⠀

I’m grateful for many positive circles I can turn to in my life. Still, I've learned that the most important focus for us all, is the 3-5 people we're in contact with most daily. Notice the energies throughout your week, take time to reflect, and proceed as necessary for you! Your life is whatever you tell yourself it is. Our thoughts are so powerful because we believe them, and then act accordingly.

Speaking of thoughts, I find one variable in it all, among life, is imposter syndrome. Ever heard of it? It’s so common, if you’ve ever dealt with it know that you’re not alone. You are worthy, valid, and with practice, we can shift the script in our minds. There is so much power in the language we use. Our word choices, how we speak to ourselves, and others, makes a huge impact on how we think. There is so much power in intention. Developing our self awareness, aligning our energy and choices with what we really want is key in an authentically, joyful life.

There is so much power in you. It’s already in there and you deserve all the blessings in your life. Perfectionism keeps us from excellence, your work is important and needed. Don’t hold that in, share it! It’s a big world with unlimited experiences and situations to be had. Moments to learn heartbreak, the exhilaration of triumph, the lessons of failure, the healing of laughter, and endless emotions to live through. We are each worthy of a life that holds all of this. Knowing that in pursuit of becoming our best selves we will have all of this. We just have to be willing to let go, shift the script in our own inner world that holds us back from advancing, and start fully living. No one but you can choose this. No one but you can take that from you. You deserve to really LIVE. So remember, things change when you change.

Here Are Some Tips And Truth Bombs To Help The Transition of Changing The Script And Your Lifestyle:

1. Shift Your Perspective

- Step out of your own way

- Stop finding the reasons it won’t work and just use that energy to do the dang thing you want⠀⠀

- Always find the silver lining through the process, and in life⠀

- Read or listen to personal development books, podcasts, videos⠀

- Find things to look forward to: holidays, favorite TV show on, getting outdoors in nature -- the little things keep you up ⠀⠀

- Know your “why”. What this change means to your life on a deeper level than aesthetics, etc. Hold it tight. Refresh through lifetime.⠀

- Remember this is a journey. Not a stroll on the side walk. It isn’t always a straightforward smooth path. There will still be hard days. Stick it out and keep growing through

2. Find a Community⠀⠀

- Online, in person, family, friends, workout buddy; All if you can, but change happens a lot more effectively and is way more FUN when you give yourself accountability. Don’t try to do it all alone; this society encourages individualism and “do it yourself”, but never forget the power of a team! Synergy my friends, we keep each other lifted!⠀⠀

3. Move Your Body ⠀⠀

- I mean moderate to high intensity 5-6 days a week, working all parts of the body throughout week, plus your regular daily and physical activities ⠀

- Break a sweat! Get your heart ♥️ rate up and going. Get uncomfortable, that’s where the growth happens! ⠀

- Stretch, take rest days, listen to what your body wants. Overtraining only leads to burn out!⠀

- Don’t be a statistic and quit after few weeks! KEEP GOING! I promise it gets better and YOU get stronger, healthier. Only you can make this your lifestyle! ⠀

4. Nourishment: Be mindful of: ⠀⠀

- Your foods and drinks. Start researching ingredients, and quality of your H2O, learn about your gut health; gut/brain connection. And eliminate chemicals in home, products, food containers, etc. as you can⠀

- What you consume in media/social/tv

- The people you spend the most time with

- Having a good laugh often. Especially if it’s bc you’re challenged!⠀

These things don’t happen overnight. If they did it wouldn’t really be worth doing. Stick with it, trust the process, and give yourself grace because success comes from what you do consistently, not occasionally! You’re alive either way and you deserve to feel great.

I know committing to yourself and a healthy lifestyle can be daunting because it means finally making that real change in your life. I know because I used to let fear, doubt, and other reasons control me from ever starting. I used to listen to that little voice in my head...you know the assh*le voice who tells you to give up as soon as the going gets hard, tells you that you can't, and then conveniently finds an excuse for you to make it true.

To find yourself, your raw self, you must be willing to dig deep within. To tap into the strength that’s inside of you and pull it outward into your reality, each day. By putting yourself into those uncomfortable spaces or challenges, and growing all your you into them. Instead of hiding this time. You belong. So even when the little voice pops in...especially when the little voice pops in, make yours louder. Your real voice.


About the Creator

NikkiDeeFit | Nicole DeFelice

Welcome! I have loved writing poetry & creating stories ever since I was a little girl. I am a Certified Personal Trainer, Animal Flow Instructor, fiancé, dog & beardie mama, plant parent, & ocean lover! Happy reading, hope you enjoy! :)

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Comments (5)

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  • Kim4 months ago


  • Conner Skaggs7 months ago

    Finding yourself is something that can take time and I think that many times we find ourselves in pieces. In different contexts, we show our true selves, but as different versions of ourselves. I loved the example with the crabs not letting each other out, you applied it well. Thanks for sharing!

  • Vocal Team7 months ago

    Very well written. Interesting saying.

  • Thank you for sharing! 😊

  • Krysta Dawn7 months ago

    I'd never heard that saying before, but it's so true. Thanks for the advice. This was such an inspiring and motivating piece.

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