Confessions of a terminal cancer patient: Fight cancer seriously for the rest of your life, be brave and live seriously

"My mother has leukemia and my father has esophageal cancer, and for that reason, I paid extra attention to my body before I even had this disease."

The person who said this is Fang, 50 years old, fate does not pity the bitter, one day two years ago, she was also diagnosed with breast cancer.

01

Accepting the reality of cancer like a cold

In October 2019, during a routine medical checkup, Sister Fang was found to have a lump on her breast, which ultrasound showed to be a grade 3 lump, which is often defined medically as a benign lesion that only requires regular checkups

and observation. Since then, she has gotten into the habit of checking her breast every night.

On this day, during a familiar self-examination, she noticed a hint of difference.

"Suddenly I felt a hard lump the size of an egg yolk as if it had grown overnight, and I went back to the hospital." The doctor told her that the envelope was intact and it should be benign, but Fang still asked for surgery to remove it. At her insistence, she removed the lump, and as expected, it was benign, and Fang's heart fell back into her stomach.

She understood that the more negative she was, the harder it would be for her body to recover, and since she had come to this point, she had to face the reality.

In addition to the days of surgery, after the chemotherapy Fang and her grandson together the child is still small and needs to be taken care of, and she does not want her family to take time off to accompany her, convinced that she can be alone.

Talking about the reason, she said, "I have different tastes after I get sick, it's more convenient to do what I want to eat, they walk around me instead of getting me annoyed."

This is only one side, on the other hand, because of the illness, the family's economy is also much tighter, Fang would prefer that the family go out to earn money, rather than around her.

This feeling of guilt and dragging down the family is also a kind of psychological pressure, most of the time, Fang hopes that she can be self-sufficient and reduce the burden on her family.

"I hardly tell them about me, hard I do not say, I communicate with them, they can not help me, I may think differently from others," Fang said.

Although there is only a small child accompanying himself, there is also a different degree of understanding between Sister Fang and the little grandson, before each treatment, Sister Fang will first give the little grandson a good meal, give him the phone to play with, because she can not open her eyes, so she also has to instruct him to watch their own medicine, and then go to call the nurse sister when the medicine is gone.

The five-year-old grandson would sit obediently at the bedside with his grandmother, and he seemed to understand Sister Fang's pain and discomfort, understanding the difficulty of finding the nurse sister, fetching water by himself, helping his grandmother to go to the toilet, and when Sister Fang wanted to vomit, he would even tactfully pass a basin.

"I always say that this child is here to repay the favor, during my illness, this child did not add a bit of burden to me, instead, I rely on him." Fang didn't tell him what disease he had, and children have no concept of cancer, except that sometimes adult communication still flows into the child's ears.

After the treatment was over, he asked Sister Fang, "Grandma, do you have cancer?"

Sister Fang said, "Yes."

"What is cancer?" The child asked.

"It's a place on Grandma's body that is sick." Sister Fang showed him the place where she had surgery and told him, "This place is sick no more, now it is to be cured."

"Will it die if it's not cured?"

"It will, so grandma has to go to treatment quickly, and when it is cured, it will be fine, it is not afraid." Sister Fang lovingly hugged her little grandson.

"Then, Grandma, will it grow back?" Sister Fang stopped answering and just hugged him tightly.

The child's childish words comforted her heart. Sometimes she wanted to cry when she looked at her grandson, her son was divorced, and if she went, there would be no woman in the house, so how could she take care of her little grandson? God is too unfair to let a small child suffer such a fate.

03

Just after a sharp curve, she encountered a dangerous beach again

After her body recovered, she would go back to work in her small hair salon, she said: "I think so if I have nothing to do every day, sleeping at home, but will think about it.

It doesn't take long to get a men's haircut at work, and it's not tiring. One, I can earn money and save some money for medicine, and two, I can chat with others to relieve my boredom and distract me."

Outside of work, she will also pay attention to rest, everything according to their ability, feel tired to close the store to rest, feel okay to open the door to work, there will be time to go out for a walk, sit down to blow the wind.

Sister Fang said, "Like our case, we must understand one thing, that is, no one can help us, we have to rely on ourselves, they can not pass this hurdle, who can help you?"

Before she got sick, Fang was in the habit of going to the gym to do yoga, she understood her body's bottom and had some confidence in the future.

She said, "I felt like I just had a sore on my body and then I was treating that sore and that was it, and I knew my life wasn't going to end so soon, and I would still imagine myself at 60, 70, 80, and imagine my life then."

At that time, I didn't take breast cancer as a matter at all, I still went to work early and late to earn money, and the cost of treatment was ringing in my head like an alarm bell, but during this time, she still took some herbal medicine from time to time to regulate her body.

And cancer had not let her go. In April 2021, after another ultrasound review, another lump of about 0.8cm was examined at the location of the scar. "Why is it in this location again!" She thought to herself and got scared again, so she tossed and turned to the oncology hospital, where the doctor advised her to expand the surgery. After another surgery and pathological examination, the most frightening result was still in front of her eyes - recurrence.

"This time, the mood was much more complicated than the first time. I just felt that this cancer was a little strong, how could it not be beaten to death, and it came up again for no reason? It was also at this time that I knew that it was not as simple as I thought." Fang's mood hit the bottom, and she lost her expectation for the future.

The doctor told her, "You are relapsing too fast, and this treatment plan may not work for you, but you still need to treat it." Four chemotherapy treatments and 25 radiotherapy treatments were other fights to the death. Fortunately, this time, Fang's side effect reaction to chemotherapy was not as great, and she had purchased relapse insurance before, which reduced a lot of financial burdens.

During a hospitalization, Fang talked to her patient about the high cost of treatment and her lack of insurance. The patient friend told her, "We are learning about relapse insurance and considering whether to enroll, do you want to join?" With that, Fang joined the squad to learn about relapse insurance, and it didn't take long to purchase a policy of her own.

"I bought it the first time after learning about it because a lot of it can be reimbursed, including outpatient medication as well. Although I do not pay medical insurance, this insurance can also reimburse 60% of the cost, which more or less reduces my burden, and I must still be under pressure to come up with tens of thousands of dollars by myself."

04

Awakening after the pain and making a recovery plan

The second surgery stripped more muscles and seemed even uglier to Fang, who avoided seeing that scar every time she took a shower or changed her clothes, feeling that she was not a normal person and reluctant to mention her illness to others.

"A healthy person, who doesn't understand the mood of people like us, may ask questions, but I am trying to forget about it, I want to eat, drink and shit like a normal person, I want to live that kind of life."

For Fang, people's interruptions are like scars that remind her that she is a patient, and whenever people ask her about it, she says "I'm fine" to politely end the unpleasant conversation.

Likewise, Fang seldom talked about it with her siblings, as she didn't want them to think of her as a patient. But that didn't mean that her heart was full of the sorrows of life, and she thought, "I've worked hard for half my life, I must move forward!"

When she couldn't sleep, she told herself, "Why don't you sleep? Sleep well to save yourself, to live, not to live until 70, 80, or 90 years old? You must go on, you must sleep!" Such a firm belief was deeply rooted in her mind, allowing her to survive one big wave of life after another.

Fang said, "I don't think about anything else, I just think about how to make myself feel good, sleep well, and how live longer."

After her recurrence, she focused a lot on all aspects and no longer simply thought that she would be better if she was cured. Instead, she made a long-term recovery plan to cross the three major hurdles of cancer!

The first hurdle: diet

After eating one meal, she planned what to do for the next meal, and spent a lot of effort on eating to make herself healthy and happy.

During chemotherapy, cancer patients are often prone to low white blood cell symptoms, in this regard, Sister Fang has a formula for replenishing blood and Q, Australasia, angelica, red dates, and elderberry together in a pot of water to drink, every time she comes home from chemotherapy, Sister Fang will boil water to drink, until now in the recovery period, as soon as the body feels weak, she will boil water to drink.

Sister Fang advised sisters, "then can not eat, but also to force themselves to eat, even with soup soak some rice, but also to force themselves to eat, the more uncomfortable, the more do not eat, the worse the body, must keep their mood, do not go against themselves."

The second hurdle: the mindset

Fang will listen to some happy music to soothe her emotions, and now she is following the teacher on the shake to learn to draw, simple brush strokes but very good to soothe her emotions.

Once upon a time

she was very impatient and always worried about her children's work and feelings. Now she doesn't take her little grandchildren either, and she thinks, "I'm going to live a different life than before, this time, for myself!"

Because she lives in the store, she still opens the store, but she no longer works early and late but depends on her mood, when she wants to open when she wants to go out for a walk. Every night before ten o'clock, she must go to bed to ensure adequate sleep time.

Sister Fang said: "People's doctors also said, three treatment seven points, if you can not manage yourself, how can rely on others to rely on it? The only one who can save us is ourselves."

After her first recovery, Sister Fang was repeatedly anxious and angry about her son's feelings, and she was in a particularly bad mood.

Fang thought, her son is still young, he still has a lot of youth to make his own decisions, she can't control him, the only thing she has to control is her own body, take care of herself to see her son in the long run, which is also the most beneficial thing for herself.

The third hurdle: exercise

Except for rainy days, Fang will insist on running every day, an hour and 40 minutes, the amount of exercise in the eyes of ordinary people is very impressive, she persevered, and when she returned home, her hair was soaked, but people are very relaxed, and then go to the roadside restaurant to eat a bowl of wanton or noodles, rest for a while to take a shower, organize themselves and then open the store, there is the business to do a little, it does not matter if there is no business.

Slowly, leisurely enjoy life, and taking care of yourself is the priority. To see the sun the next day is the happiest thing

Before she got sick, Fang and most people think the same, the biggest wish is to earn more money, take care of their own small family, have no worries in the twilight years, to travel around the world.

"Before I could have a dollar I would think of ten, with ten I would think of a hundred. I don't feel relaxed when I go out, I just think about how much less money I made today. After I got sick, I only feel that money or not money is secondary, whether there is money or not seems to be unimportant, although I need money for treatment, there is no concept of money."

Talking about the happiest thing now, Fang said, "I think I have a life to live, and I am quite happy that I am not unwell today, my feelings are most important."

It is said that people become more perceptive and transcendent after a serious illness, and so does Fang, who no longer dwells on many of the people and things in her life.

"I think if I am asked to face death now, I may be able to face it because I have worked hard, I take myself seriously. Even if it does come to that, I feel no regrets. Of course, if the doctor says there is still salvation, then I will also save the pot, and if there is no cure, then accept it is good, the last days I also want to live it well, people always have to pass this hurdle."

This seemingly bland life vow, but the weight is not light, are the true scriptures extracted from the bitter tears of Sister Fang.

END

At every juncture of disillusionment and despair, I hope you will think of Sister Fang, who ran hard to live, under the yoke of fate, in her small hair salon, living her fast life, you can see the lush vitality here, that is a person's rage against fate, I will never die easily, I want to live happily!