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Chronic

Living life with a chronic illness

By CarolynPublished 3 years ago 5 min read
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Hi! My name is Carolyn, and for as long as I can remember I’ve been sick. I know, I know, that sounds dramatic, which it is. But it’s true. How can I have possibly been sick for that long you ask? Well, I’ll tell you... I come a very large family with seven children (apparently my parents didn’t have cable) and I was always the kid who got sick, constantly. What’s that? The wind is blowing a little harder today? Bam! Sick. Someone had the sniffles? Bam! Sick. Etc.. I am the reason that my family can’t have live trees at Christmas time, because the last time we got one, I got super sick and it turned into pneumonia. I was 5 years old and almost didn’t make it. Obviously I got better, and I was released the day before Christmas Eve. Yeah, I know.. “A Christmas Miracle” 😒

I was sick so much as a kid that my nickname was Wednesday Addams because I was so pale. I didn’t mind the nickname that much because I have always enjoyed being a little bit spooky.

Being sick was so much a part of my life that I kinda just started ignoring it, because I was also a very independent and active kid. This approach turned out to be a bad idea, which you’ll hear about later.

The issue with being sick all the time was that my mother started getting accused of being a hypochondriac/Munchhausen by proxy. (She wasn’t) I was given every excuse in the book; I’m faking, I ate something bad, I hurt myself playing, I have allergies, I have growing pains, I’m being too dramatic.. the list goes on.

Because I wasn’t getting any help, I just tried to live my life and deal with whatever came my way. I still got sick pretty constantly but found a way to work through it.

I got into singing and performing, and had a pretty active social life despite having to take some time to heal from each issue.

Cut to college life, I started school at a prestigious university in the performing arts department and it changed my life in more ways than one.

I had a very strict vocal coach/advisor at the school that wanted me to embody the vision of what they thought a successful performer was, high heels.. all day... uphill.. 😒 I was really riding the struggle bus and my body felt like not only was I riding it, I also somehow managed to run over by it as well.

One day I’m in performance class in our concert hall and I start heading up to the stage to sing my selection, there happened to be a girl there that didn’t like me and made that fact well known. She decided to try and trip me as I’m moving through the aisle and I hit the seats in front of me, which sent me to Med Express to get checked out for any bruised ribs and/or a broken toe. I get an X-ray to check out my ribs and the doctor comes back and says; “Looks like you’re ribs aren’t broken, but you seem to have some pretty bad scoliosis. Has anyone told you that before?” And I’m like ..... no? Now I know what you’re thinking “how did I not know that I had scoliosis??” The short answer is - no one ever told me. I had all the scoliosis checks while I was growing up, the one where the doctor runs their finger up and down your back and says “you’re good!” Well.. Dr. Ken.. hate to break it to you, but I was not in fact good. After speaking with several specialists I was informed that I had pretty moderate degenerative scoliosis and it was the source of that pesky back pain I’d been having all those years.

So.. mystery solved, all my problems have been taken care of, right? Wrong.

That discovery was just the beginning of unraveling the medical mysteries that plague my life. To date my ailments include; anemia, ulcerative colitis (that’s a fun one), rotary and lumbar scoliosis, sciatica, connective tissue disease, B12 deficiency, migraines, left rib is pushed out (a complication of scoliosis), multiple concussions (9 so far), Brain damage (from concussions), asthma, and Raynaud’s disease to name a few.

I have had a long, difficult road with my health, made even more difficult by the fact that I “don’t look sick” meaning I’m not wandering around like I should be on my deathbed. My favorite explanation that I receive from a doctor is that I am “too young to be having these health issues” well, Dr. Ken.. I hate to break it to you.. but my health issues really don’t give a shit about your predetermined ages for when they’re going to occur.

With all of that being said, I have found a way to make a full life for myself, I have a loving and supportive family, amazing boyfriend, and an lucky enough to have so many people in my life that care about me.

There are definitely times where I feel defeated, depressed, in need of some alone time. I would be lying if I said that it wasn’t hard to go through life with these issues. But I decided a long time ago that I would not let my health take over who I am and that I wouldn’t let it win. I live my life because I don’t have any other choice. Life with chronic health issues can be incredibly frustrating, but it could be so much worse, and that’s what I have to keep in my mind when I want to just give up and lay in bed all day because the pain is too much, or spend the day in the bathroom because of an ulcerative colitis flare up, or have a difficult day with my memory because of the brain damage I have sustained from my concussions.

I am very open about my health because I know that it helps to let others know that they aren’t alone. For me, the hardest part of dealing with these issues is feeling alone, because even though they cared, the people in my life didn’t understand what I was going through.

If you are struggling in any way, just know that you’re not alone, I’m always available to commiserate, or be a cheerleader, or whatever you may need. Because I know that it makes a huge difference in my life to have too.

So that’s a little bit about my life with chronic illness. To paraphrase A Bug’s Life -“It’s my lot in life, it’s not a lot, but it’s my life.” Catch you on the flip side 😘

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About the Creator

Carolyn

Musician, nerd, horror movie lover, fiercely protective of my friends & family, I am very sarcastic & get in trouble a lot for it. I’ve seen it & experienced it all & want to share my journey with you.

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