Basic to Bikini: Week four - fear of failure

I stepped on the scales again for my weekly check-in, sure that I had lost more weight. I felt lighter, I had noticed obvious changes in my body composition, I stuck to my diet, but I was surprised when I saw my weight had increased. How is that possible? I thought. I’ve done so well this week. What if I can’t do this? What if I can’t lose that much body fat? I’ll let down so many people: myself, my coach, family and friends. The fear of failing had never been so strong. Was I catastrophising? 100% but that’s what fear does. It makes you think of every worst possible – sometimes impossible – scenario.

I’ve experienced it before, but not this strongly. Usually it’s a subtle, underlying feeling that I kind of have to dig out but during week four, it was all up in my face, yelling at me every day that I’m going to fail, that I’m not cut out for this.

Fear of failure is not a bad thing, in fact, it’s a very normal feeling; it depends on what you decide to do with it. Remember, your emotions don’t choose your actions, you do. I’m choosing to use this to fuel me. When I feel like eating everything in my cupboard, or when I feel like I’d rather sleep in than go to the gym, I remind myself how it’ll feel if I don’t achieve what I’ve set out to. I don’t think I’ve wanted anything more than I want to compete - and to be successful at it.

It’s becoming apparent to me just how much you need to invest – not just financially, but physically and especially emotionally – to become a bikini competitor. You sacrifice so much, experience new levels of personal development, spend a lot of money, you’ll be exhausted, and you’re solely responsible for your progress. It is a lot of pressure but if you want it bad enough, it’s all worth it. I don’t think you can do this if your heart is not 110% in it.

So how do you work through your fear of failure?

Become aware of your thoughts

Fear of failure can be hard to spot if you don’t know you’re doing it. To be able to shift any negative mindsets, you have to be self-aware. You have to know that when you sit on the couch thinking “I should just eat a chocolate, one won’t hurt” it’s your subconscious trying to self-sabotage. Now, why would it do that? It’s scared. Scared of failing. Start journaling and writing down your thoughts and emotions, this will help you work out why you do things and what it means. Journaling takes practice so don’t stop after one day because ‘you have nothing to say’. Try setting a timer for 5 minutes and just write. Make sure you write for the whole 5 minutes. After a few minutes, you might find you don’t have anything else to write but keep going – that’s when you’re really digging deep. Once you become more self-aware, and can identify when you're self-sabotaging because you're scared, you can start working towards overcoming it.

Remember your why

Sometimes, this will be the only thing that gets you through. When you notice your thoughts drifting to those of failure, remind yourself why you’re doing this. Why is it important to you? How will you feel if you don’t succeed? What do you not want to feel?

Make a decision

Are you going to use this feeling or will you let it use you? When it comes to mindset, sometimes, it is as simple (note: not easy) as making a decision and being firm with yourself. Make a decision to use the fear of failing as fuel. Tell yourself: when I feel like I’m failing, I will use that to succeed. Say it out loud, to yourself in the mirror, whatever helps you believe it, and I mean really believe it.

Your mind needs to become the strongest part of you. It takes time, it will not happen overnight, but once it does, you start to become a more powerful version of yourself.