5 Lessons Depression Taught Me That I’ll Forever Be Thankful For

When something terrible happens in our lives, our first reaction is, “Why me?” “What did I do to deserve this?” This is because we have been conditioned to view trauma as bad.

We feel something is wrong with us and that we did something that caused the situation to happen to us. We attack and distance ourselves from everyone.

Emotional pain is torture. With physical pain, you know exactly where it hurts and what to do to ease it. But in emotional pain, we numb our feelings with drugs or alcohol. We try to push the pain deep into our stomachs.

Sometimes we feel stuck that even acknowledging the pain overwhelms us, so we blame others or shut down. We try to be kind and sweet on the outside, even if we are deeply resentful on the inside.

Depression is self-destructive. When I was depressed, I didn’t have the courage to do anything. Heck! I dn’t even want to dream of tomorrow.

My brain was erased. All I could see around me was darkness.

When I think about it, part of the reason for my depression was that I lost hope in the life I had imagined. As a typical African teenage girl, I learned that a happy life revolves around marrying a rich man who provides you with everything you need.

When I had an accident and could no longer walk, I thought my dreams of getting married and escaping poverty had been shattered. Living with a disability in one of the least developed countries does not offer me many opportunities.

The thought that I had lost my chances of a better life coupled with raising a baby left a deep hole inside of me. I dn’t know how to be a mum. I dn’ t have any idea how to escape the reality in front of me.

The only solution that came to mind was to end my life. I thought that if he killed me, all my worries would disappear. Poof! Just like a vapor, every bottled emotion inside me will be gone.

When we are in tremendous emotional pain, the result is likely that we are resisting our current reality. The amount of emotional pain we go through is proportional to how reluctant we are to accept the world as it is.

But if we can accept that pain, if we can see pain as a teacher pushing us to take notice of the changes we need in our life, then we will be in sync with our bodies and minds.

What are you going through right now? Does that job make you unhappy? Are you dealing with the death of a loved one? Are you going through a divorce or a breaking up? What are you not accepting in your reality?

Whatever it is, you probably wish you could have done things differently. You hate yourself because you think your life could have been better if you had handled the situation with more diligence.

The truth is that even if you did things differently, you would still hate yourself because you have built that consciousness of hating things that happen in your reality.

If you want to be at peace with yourself, accept your reality as it is. With that acceptance, you can focus on the growth mechanism to find fulfillment.

The trauma is not so bad. It makes us strong. Struggling with depression for three years changed my life. I experienced unbeatable favor and courage in the aftermath.

My experience with depression has taken me further than I ever dreamed of, and here are some lessons that can help your breakthrough.

Gratitude makes you happy

Don’t take anything in your life for granted. Tragedy can strike at any moment, but being grateful for everything that happens in your life, both good and bad, will make your suffering lighter.

Get in the habit of appreciating all of life’s blessings every day. See the beauty in everything and everyone.

Things can change in an instant. And they often do so when you least expect it. Appreciate your loved ones, your gifts, your blessings every day.

Pain comes with opportunity

Whatever I am today, it is all due to the challenges I have faced in my life. I have had many failures, heartbreaks, disappointments, setbacks, and tears.

I truly believe that the best people, teams, companies, and countries rise above it all and unleash their greatness in the worst moments of life.

It was during my recovery I found spiritual growth. It was the period I discovered my writing skill and other potentials. I learned to speak up for myself.

Today I look back on all the most difficult days of my life with gratitude and appreciation. Without those days, I would not have achieved the success that I have now.

You see, adversity teaches us what no college degree can teach us. It teaches us the essential ingredients for success: humility, strength, hunger, guts, compassion, intellectual honesty, tenacity, work ethic, courage, learning, growth, and much more.

Nobody is perfect

We all make mistakes. We all fail. We all give up at some point. However, we must always strive to do the right thing.

If you think the mess you’re going through makes you imperfect, think again.

The problem is we get obsessed with pleasing everyone else that we forget that we are human with the ability to err.

Your integrity guides you to make the right decision. I’m far from perfect, and I still make a lot of mistakes in life, mostly due to my temperament, but when I think of my mum, I always try to honor her in everything I do.

She is my backbone through good and evil. She kept believing in me even when my future seemed bleak. When you have someone you care about, you will have the discipline to live an honest and just life.

Karma fights your battles

The law of karma rewarded good deeds with good and bad deeds with bad. Hence, the proverb, “what we sow, we reap.”

I have seen it over and over again throughout my life. Throughout my career, I’ve had people lie to me, steal from me, cheat on me, hurt me, stab me in the back, betray me, and the list goes on.

It’s easy to fall out with your principles when you repeatedly experience betrayal, but I refuse to let these bad apples affect my belief in doing good to the world. Whatever happens, I always try to be true to my conscience.

No matter what, good always defeats evil. Eventually, karma always finds a way to bless those who do good and curse those who do evil.

Forgiveness takes away your burden

It was Alexander Pope who said: “To err is to be human, to forgive is divine.” We all make mistakes. Learn to forgive those who have hurt you without them asking. Also, forgive yourself for your shortcomings.

I wish I had learned this lesson early in life. I would have forgiven my half-brother for betraying us and would have given both of them a lot of peace and love.

To forgive means to give yourself love. When you let go of all the negative energy holding you back, you feel free and happy.

Always try to see the good in others, just as you try to see it in yourself. At the end of the day, we all die. If you have not lived a happy life, you have lost all meaning of life.

First published on Medium