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26 Lessons

26; how old I am and how many lessons I learned

By Sara CaramellaPublished 2 years ago 10 min read
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26 Lessons
Photo by Ryan Graybill on Unsplash

26. That is how many years I have been on this planet. It is so bittersweet at times. I never saw myself living past 18 and 21 at the latest and now here I am.. I am thriving and truly proud of who I am. I have learned so much in these 26 years. Here's just a few of the lessons I have had;

1. You will never annoy the people that love you. This is a hard one to swallow but it’s true. They won’t be secretly hating you, they will just love you for exactly who you are and push you to be a better version of that.

2. Everyone will always seem more put together than you. I always felt like I was behind and even now, I still do sometimes. But nobody truly has it together. People struggle with different things at different ages. Nobody really has their shit together. It’s freeing when you realize that.

3. You do not owe anyone ANYTHING. I mean this one. Your family, your friends.. you don’t owe them shit. Be authentic to yourself and don’t step on people and you’ll be just fine with the relationships you have.

4. There’s no such thing as “childish” when it comes to your hobbies and things you like. I’m obsessed with Harry Potter and I don’t care who knows it. My 26th birthday party was a Harry Potter theme. I also snuggle stuffed animals most nights and love kids movies. It doesn’t make me immature, it helps me connect with my inner child. You should try it.

5. You will never be happy unless you accept who you truly are. I really struggled with being a non binary woman and queer for a long, long time. It was almost the second I truly accepted those things, that I became happy. Nothing, not even mental illness can break this true happiness that I finally feel.

6. Be good to people and they’ll be good to you. I’ve always strived to smile at strangers, ask how people are and generally just be a decent human. I’ve noticed that everywhere I go, I just run into the most amazing people who are so kind and personable. I whole heartedly believe in karma and even doing something so small as complimenting someone’s shirt that you like can add to your good karma.

7. You are never too young or too old to learn. You can learn what hate is at a very young age and you can learn what love is at an old age. There aren’t any restrictions to it. Folks go back to school in their 50’s, teenagers invent things and go to the Olympics. You only have the limits you give yourself.

8. You can’t save anyone but your damn self. You can try, oh I’ve tried. But you just can’t save someone from themself and you sure as hell can’t save them from someone else. The only thing you can do is love them and hope that helps.

9. It’s okay to be obsessed. For the longest time, I thought it was bad to be obsessed with something. It’s not. I’m obsessed with Harry Potter, my dogs, true crime and so so so many things. Those obsessions have helped me form so many friendships, helped me find new things I enjoy and have given me joy. It’s okay to go all in.

10. Never be afraid of failing. I was so scared of this for so long and then.. I failed. I got into a bad relationship and then another, I had to move back home.. twice, I left jobs.. I have failed so many times. I give myself some time to nurse my wounds and then I get back up. Failing teaches you so many lessons that you would never learn anywhere else.

11. It is okay to not be okay. For the longest time, I thought something was wrong with me because I have depression and sometimes just genuinely struggle. Sometimes you will just not be okay and you will have to force yourself to get out of bed and function.. and that is okay. You are not broken.

12. Normal? No such thing. Everyone is different, that is the beauty of life. Be as weird as you can handle.

13. Nobody actually cares as much as you think they do. Trust me.. they don't. They are probably looking at you because you walked past them. Even if they were glaring at you, what does that have to do with you? It shows their true colors way more than yours.

14. You will lose people that you never pictured losing and you will be okay. I have lost so many people that I really never saw myself losing. And it hurt. It was devastating. But time passed and I eventually could think of them fondly and move on. You can do it, give it time.

15. Water is important. When I was deep in my depression, I didn't drink water and huh, I felt horrible all the time. My first therapist told me to buy a water bottle that I liked, fill it up and carry it with me all day. She told me to take a sip of water when I felt extra sad or angry. Now you will not see me without my water and I drink so much in a day. It really can help. It won't cure your depression but it can help you feel even a smidge better. And cold water and ice is really good for anxiety.

16. You can eat cake for breakfast. No, seriously. I like to have a piece of chocolate with my coffee in the morning and nobody is going to stop me. I love breakfast for dinner and sometimes I don't eat until the middle of the night. I have learned to just eat intuitively and it really has become helpful. Eat what you want, when you want.

17. Healthy is relative. Coming from my last point, being healthy really depends on you. Cookies aren't inherently bad for you, just maybe don't eat an entire box of Thin Mints in one sitting (not that I have done that..) Water and exercise and veggies are important but so is having a fun night out with friends, going for ice cream with your kids and showing those around you that loving yourself is key.

18. Don't take it so personally. I used to take everything and I mean E-V-E-R-Y-T-H-I-N-G so personally. Now? Eh. Unless you really rile me up, I am not going to care. I make mistakes and I hurt people, I will do my best to apologize and then I am going to move on. If you want to not be an adult and communicate and instead just act weird with me.. you can keep acting that way. I set the standard in all my relationships that you can come to me and say I upset you and I will fix it. But if you just are acting upset? That has nothing to do with me.

19. You will regret saying "no" more than you will saying "yes" but sometimes "no" is what you need to say. Say "yes" to more sunny days with friends, to more trips with your kids, to more walks with your dogs. But you can also say "no" to people trying to use you, to attending parties you just don't want to go too, and so many more things. You reserve the right to say "no" and remember that NO is a full sentence.

20. You receive what you give. If you put love, hope, and passion out there, that is what you will receive back. You will also get back the pain, hurt and negativity you put out there. I really couldn't figure out why my life was so "bad" until I started to dig into my behavior. When I started supporting others, loving others and thinking positive thoughts, I got those things back. I continue to receive huge amounts of love and support from all over the country and it continues to amaze me every day.

21. You will have many friends and people that affect your life differently. I really don't know if I believe in "best friends" anymore. I have amazing friends that all are different parts of my life. I have friends I talk to every so often, friends I talk to everyday, friends that we support each other through thick and thin and friends that we don't share too much of that with. And all of that is perfectly okay. We don't have to have one singular best friend. We can have 20. We can have 3. It is all about the quality of your friends and how they make your days brighter.

22. Things will not go your way .. and that is okay. There will be so so so many things that you want to go a specific way and you see going that way that just .. don't. Relationships, jobs, moving, awards, dates... so so so many things. But the secret is that if they don't work out the way you originally wanted, I bet they work out in a better way that serves you so much more. Sometimes things need to fall apart (you included) to come together beautifully.

23. Don't knock it until you try it. This goes for a lot of different things. Food, stores, decorations, people, movies.. a lot of things. There are things I always swore up and down I would never enjoy and now they are my favorite things. Like graphic shirts, crystals, pretty rocks, motivational calendars, Girl Scout cookies (besides the Thin Mints). I love things I never thought I could and that has made life that much better.

24. Believe in what you believe in and run with it. Whether that is God, Allah, The Universe.. believe in it with your whole heart. Manifest it, pray for it, do what you believe in and don't let anyone stop you. I truly believe that knowing something is out there is what can get most of us through.

25. Sometimes a deep breath is all it takes. Bad day at work, upset partner, screaming kids.. try your best to step away and take a big, slow, deep breath. Repeat it as often as you need. A big, deep breath can release so much and it can help you not lose your cool. I had to lose my cool a lot before I figured this one out.

26. "It" doesn't get better, YOU get better. Life is going to be hard. It is going to keep getting harder. Mental illness, death, world issues, physical pain, diseases, cheaters, liars, money.. there are so so so many things out of our control and the second you realize that, you will realize it will be okay. I always thought I would never get better. And to really generalize it, I might now. I will always have ADHD and OCD, I will probably always have stomach and heart issues, I will probably always have to be on medication and that is okay. Because I have gotten better. I have learned how to manage everything, I have learned how to cope and I know that I can make it through anything that life throws at me. You deserve know the same. You deserve to not give up on you.

These are not all the things I have learned in 26 years, just some of my most favorite ones. And things I thought others might need to hear. Just remember that life really is what you make it. Here's to many more years and many more lessons.

aging
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About the Creator

Sara Caramella

26. Crisis Counselor. Domestic Violence Survivor.

I believe in sharing my story so others know they are never alone.

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