20 things I wish I knew before I turned 20

I’ve always thought it’s kind of strange how we spend our entire adolescence wanting to grow up, to be an adult. Once the time comes you expect to feel amazing, you now have all the freedom you’ve ever wanted - but that never happens. In reality, it’s the opposite, we spend our adult years longing for our youth. A time where we had fewer responsibilities and stresses.

Growing up is all about making mistakes and learning from them. Here are some lessons I wish I’d learned before turning 20.

1. Not all friends are meant to be lifelong friends

Throughout our lives, we meet a range of different people. Growing up, we form friendships that we believe will last forever but as adults, we realise that some things aren’t meant to last. Friends drift apart, move away, value different things - and that’s okay. We move on, meet new people, but those friends we grew apart from were exactly what we needed in the moment.

2. It’s okay to take a different path

Growing up we are taught that there are certain ways of doing things. Education, for example, we are taught that it’s primary school - secondary school - college - university. At least that’s what I believed. It wasn’t until my final year of secondary school that I found that I need to reassess my options. There are always alternative options. Grades aren’t everything. Sometimes experience is valued more than grades but schools don’t always mention that. There is often so much pressure on getting good grades and that can be so damaging to mental wellbeing. It’s good to know there are other options. There are other paths.

3. Not everyone will like you - and that’s okay

As we grow up there is always so much drama around being “liked”. In adulthood, the only difference is that you know how to not let it impact you. Sometimes people just won’t like you. Whether it’s because you have different values or perspectives. It’s out of your control. There will always be people who disagree with you and that’s okay.

4. Earning money is really hard, learning how to manage it and save is even harder

Learn. How. To. Save.

Adulthood is stressful enough as it is without adding financial stress on top.

You can work every hour given to you but without a good budget, it will get wasted.

5. Your relationship with your parents will change

Once you become an adult the dynamics with your parents do change. Whether you move out or still live at home, it will change. All of a sudden you are both adults and that can take some adjusting, especially for parents.

6. Do the things you love, even when they aren’t what is popular

Embrace your inner weirdo!! Life is short, it doesn’t matter if you're not following the latest trends. Do what makes you happy and don’t apologise for it!!

7. Cherish your family and the time you get to spend with them

Nothing is permanent and everything is always changing. Appreciate your loved ones when you can.

8. Take chances; you never know where they could lead you

The most memorable experiences happen in the most unexpected ways. Embrace that. Do things that scare you. Move out of your comfort zone.

9. Your definition of success and happiness will change over time, and that’s okay

The dreams you have growing up will change. They will grow, evolve and sometimes take an entirely new direction.

10. Good things will come from bad experiences

Everything happens for a reason. All the good and bad has made you the person you are today. The bad experiences will suck at the time but as you get older you gain the ability to look back and see the good things that have come from them.

11. Don’t forget about your mental health

Your mind is just as important as your body, take care of it. Don’t be afraid to reach out for help. You’re not alone.

12. Failure is part of success

Failure is just a stepping stone to success. Don’t be afraid to fail, failure is just part of the process. The most important thing to do is try again.

I spent so long fearing failure that I was reluctant to try new things. It wasn’t until I let go of that fear an embraced failure that I was able to take risks; and experience so many wonderful things that I otherwise would’ve missed out on.

13. You’re not as alone as you think you are in your pain

Even after you enter your twenties, you’re still far from having everything figured out. We are all muddling through trying to do our best. It’s okay to be frustrated and let things get to you but you must remember that you’re not alone. There are many other people out there in similar situations. Don’t be afraid to reach out.

14. You’re still going to be insecure about some things

As we approach adulthood we often think that this would mean the end of all my insecurities. That they would magically disappear. Not only is this not true, but you also take on new ones and some change, rather than go away. However, you do learn better ways of coping and new ways to love yourself.

15. Comparing your life to others is a waste of time

I’m not sure even knowing this before your twenties could have prevented it, with the age of social media, it’s so easy to compare yourself to others. However, you can make the conscious effort to recognise that you are comparing yourself; and reminding yourself that not everything is always as it seems.

We all have struggles, no matter who we are or how “well off” we seem in life. That’s all let of what makes us human. Nobody is perfect. Perfection is just an unachievable standard that we all feel we have to strive for - but that’s not true. Break the mould. Be bold. Unique. Be you.

16. Fall in love with yourself before you fall in love with someone else

This is probably the hardest thing to learn. You need to fall in love with yourself to know what you deserve.

For me, it took falling out of love with someone to fall in love with myself. To realise what I deserved. I spent a lot of time focusing on putting myself first to understand what is important to me. How to take care of myself mentally.

You are the one constant in your life - so love yourself. I mean really love yourself, and if anyone calls you self-centred for believing in yourself, they can shove it.

17. Take a moment to breathe

Take a moment. Wait five seconds before responding to anything. If you're upset or angry, it gives you a five-second cool-down period. Once you say something, you cannot take it back. This gives you a chance to think before you say something you’ll live to regret. Five seconds, just remember that.

18. Let go of all toxic relationships

There is no use in watering a dead flower. If a person no longer adding value or serving a purpose in your life, get up and walk away, do not look back. Sometimes you need to walk away from people in order to grow as a person.

19. Your Expectations Are The Only Ones You Need To Meet

Society tends to set a lot of benchmarks for what you should meet, or conform to. However, you don’t have to live your life according to these standards.

We are all unique human beings and it’s about time we embrace that!

Be unapologetically you. Choose whatever path you want. If people around you don’t understand, it’s your life, and you don’t have to apologise for it.

Some choices and risks will be especially difficult and will be harder to accomplish than you ever imagined, but if it is what you really, truly want, then the work will be worth it, and the people around you who doubted you will be among the first to be supportive when it works out.

20. Criticism is meant to build you, not break you

People will criticise you for everything, from the way you dress, to the way you speak, to the way you live your life. Don’t be defeated by these words. Instead, use them to learn from your mistakes. Learning how to take criticism is an invaluable skill.

I spent far too long being overly defensive when it came to criticism. I still am, to a certain extent, but I’m learning, and at the end of the day that’s what adulthood is all about.

The overall summary is to take risks, challenge yourself and most importantly, embrace who you are.