you're procrasturbating

I’ve made a mess with my research. Notebooks spread across the closet. Loose leaf papers in multiple bags. Napkins crammed in drawers. A million stories, but not one single story told.

I’ve overwhelmed myself. Feeling the pressure of being finished, I step away, enter a new making. Why not both? Or is that naive. Or is that a true test of patience simply enjoying life as I watch each project grow. Nonetheless action needs to be made each day. Discipline. So pick a time, each day and do it.

What is procrastination? I procrastinate telling you this story, but by procrastinating my folding of clothes I bring myself back to you. Doing what I want, or simply doing this out of doing something else.

Typing this right here is also procrastination. I’ve stated and now I’m tired. Sighing because I feel the lack of will creeping in to close the computer. But I know I must keep in order to accomplish what I state is truth in voice. My voice.

I’d like to remind you who I am. I am not your friend. I am not your life coach. I am simply your mirror you reject as you pass the halls in your own home. I am the details you leave out, and the cracks you’ve convinced don’t exist.

You don’t write because you’d rather watch. Let me remind you your phone does not show you the raw footage you really seek. There is nothing wrong with watching, but know where to watch. You wouldn’t go to watch crocodiles in Malibu. To experience is to exist. Scrolling on your phone from bedroom to toilet to couch will only entice so much. So leave the house. You don’t have to go out and write in the cliches you desire. You don’t have to wait for someone to join you. You are placed to walk a distance not far. A place that’s filled. May your life write it’s story. To wait for something to happen is foolish, to act is to create. How else would movies be made? You desire the fantasy of writing in a big leather chair that keeps you up, a subconscious role model, or did every role model quote to do the same. Some thrive in chaos or out of order structures. This does not mean you have to surround yourself with chaos to create, but this does mean you can write on the floor just as good. As some say, home is within, the talent too is within, not in the room you so desperately crave. Doesn’t hurt to use it if you have it though. I couldn’t tell you where this leads to. Seems repetitive and yet each build up of encouragement seems to differ. As some things may not stick, perhaps this one will do the trick. Get out of your head. Write a mini story. Something you always tell yourself. But what is mini when you fall for the plot and lust to dive into a whole production in your head every, single, time. You have ideas and sometimes they can tag along a tale, but I know, mostly they have their own paths to develop. How will you ever finish if you keep starting a new path? These characters aren’t you, but lets be honest, these characters own you if you don’t tell them what to do. There’s power in drawling the last period. Pressing the last key. You cant tell me you don’t desire that? I know you desire that.