Winning Your Love Back: A Step-by-Step Guide to Rekindling Your Relationship

If you happen to be sitting down reading this article now, chances are you may want to know how to get your ex back and are most probably in a position where you are either being separated from your partner or are going through the throes of a break up. Anyone who has ever gone on to experience a break up with a life partner they had from a serious or otherwise committed relationship, are often hurt emotionally (sometimes quite deeply and profoundly). After they go through all the different types of emotions associated with a split, particularly the feeling of anger, they may very well find themselves wanting to get back together with their former partner again but don't always know how to go about it.

If you are having those feelings that gnaw at you and tell your psyche that you want to get your ex back, chances are you are not quite ready to get over your relationship and move on to the next stage of your life. What this is most likely telling you is that your ex still has a deeply rooted place in your heart and you want them back after the horrible break up. If that fits your description and state of feeling, then here are some of the ways on how you can get your ex back if you are sure that's the direction you want to take. But put your emotional seat belt on. Depending on your particular circumstances, it may be a bumpy ride before you get safely to your destination.

Stabilize Yourself

Since you are separated (and if that term had not occurred to you, then you need to agree that you are in fact separated before you do anything else), the worst thing you can do is to think about if there is a chance of mending the relationship. You should take the time to get all your anger out of your system and then put yourself in a calm and stable mood. I realize that this initial step may be easier said than done. Nonetheless, you need to do it, and get your head on right, before you can advance to the next step. Most people do get affected and lose control of themselves over the rage they felt over the arguments, slanging matches and break up. Being in that state is not the best for one to think rationally or to apply themselves for what lays in store. So, get your anger or sadness all out productively through activities such as exercising, relaxation therapy or anything else for that matter that can put you into a better mood and calmer state of mind. While you stabilize yourself, you are also giving personal space to your partner to cool down. This is important for the both of you.

Reflect On Your Relationship

Think about your relationship as objectively as you possibly can (this can be a big ask, I know) and see if it is more of a negative or positive experience overall. Was your partner abusive or were you the abusive one? Can you change? If it is your partner that dished out abuse, whether that took the form of mental, emotional or even physical abuse, then you should think very carefully for yourself first because you don't deserve abuse in the first place. No one does. If the relationship was positive but it was broken due to some misunderstanding, then think about coming to a point where both of you decide together where you want to go from here. In any relationship involving couples, it takes the two of you to step up together to make it work. One just can't do it on their own funnily enough. If your partner steadfastly refuses, then this is a clear litmus test for the future and you will need to try to get over it for the makings of a sound and stable relationship just aren't there I'm afraid.

Respect Your Partner

Respect your partner's boundaries and personal space. With the break up, your partner will automatically get a little more distance from you and will not be as close as when you are together. Respect that because time apart and solace is natural human need. Try and resist the temptation to blindly intrude into their personal space just because you were once allowed to. Think of it like the old snakes and ladders game we all played as kids where you will need to work your way back up a bit at a time. It is not an automatic privilege for you nor are you entitled to intrude and disrespect their space as if it were some sovereign right of passage. Many people don't get this and they only make their partner hate them more because the most important things a person needs is respect and dignity. We should always be mindful of this, irrespective of our own emotional state, and maintain this very basic of human courtesies.

Be Prepared But Not Pushy

Don't simply barge or push your way into his or her life again because there is nothing more irritating (and likely to have the exact opposite effect to what we desire) than doing that. The worst case scenario here is that they will come to a conclusion to kick you right out of their life for good because you are simply acting like an unthinking pest, hell-bent on getting your own way no matter what. Some people become frustrated and desperate because they expect the relationship to be fixed overnight with a click of the fingers and very little effort on their part. I'm sorry to say that if this is the case for you (and I trust it's not), then chances are you don't respect other individuals enough and you may think that things get handed to you in life as easily as you want. If you want to get your ex back, then be prepared to treat them with due respect and just slowly go about attracting them back like you did when you first began to court them after you met.

So there you have it in a nutshell. Four valuable tips to help you on how to get your ex back without being like a scumbag, desperado or loser. Nobody wants to be forced into something that wasn't their making or signing up to be with someone who seems needy and incapable of living on their own independently for a while. Therefore, take the above snippets of advice on board and make a concerted effort to avoid adopting bad character traits that may sabotage your chances of getting back with your ex.

James Bauer is an enthusiast of human relationships, counseling, and communications. If you would like to get more tips and snippets of advice for how to get your ex back again, then visit his website