A struggle I was blind too

I am doing better today than the last two days. I Knew the red flags were there so that is no denying it. Kevin came to me and I could not leave him outside. He has been a neighbor of mine for a number of years. I barely had a full conversation with him. He was always kind and helpful when I was not well. In truth I heard he had a past with drug addiction. I could clearly see he was not in the best way. I just looked at the kindness and it blinded me.

I am in no way shape or form in hate with him. I just reached a point I can't help everyone. I will tell you we had a great many laughs together. The good thing is although he can't read I did try to teach him. He did not cook and I taught him a lot more than I thought. frugal of cource. I can't stand on my feet for all those big meals. He can make the best fried chicken for sure. I was over the moon happy when he did it.

The down side is he would go into recovery and be good for a few days. Then around three days before check day. He was out on the street so he could get his fun on. The sad thing is I was too dumb to see it. The in and out just about snapped my mind. He has an amazing way of getting me to use all my money for everything. during one video he knew prior to recording he just wanted boots and some clothes.

When he saw his debit card on the keyboard it all went bye bye. He barely said a word durng recording but this day he was so quick to say he wanted to save for a bigger amount next month. I was shocked but kept it off the video. I made sure to give him the card instantly. One day after another he went out all day and late into the night. He was on a different vibe when he returned. It was a few drinks he said. Normally he wants no part of drinking.

Without him knowing I made a trip to the bak and asked for his card. I was putting in $20 to get the reciept to check for myself. The $20 I put it gave him a total of $51 and I said nothing about it. I knew this would be the final time he could pack up and leave. On the attempt of returning after the next check was smoked up.

I did not want to ever reach a point of regret. But it got to the point he began verbally assaulting me. I was the devil the way he described it. I let him know that I respected his feelings and with all that I could not feel comfortable around him again. He pushed me so far to the breaking point. The night he packed and left. I got rid of the bed.

You already know he lost his everlasting mind. He came back begging to get in. I turn up the music and went into the back room. I won't lie is was a nice day today so I am learning to live with the new changes. I just wish I did not give so much effort to someone that just wanted to smoke and sleep in the home I provided peace and tranquility in.

The worst part of it all is I was not aware of this possibility being so unfamiliar with this addiction. Crack has taken a hold of him but he was honest. And that is what I respect the most.. after 4 inhouse treaments he said I won't get clean until I am ready. And I lived 56 years this way I can continue.

The good thing is I nolonger feel emotionally connected to his safety. I woke up to if he likes it I love it. I can't regret anything or it will sink me inside out. I did not want to get my crafting supplies to just make it to get everything else. My supplies were on sale and I still let it pass me. I only wish I were not so blind and got my desired goods.

I am here now alone and ok but dang it I would be all in those goodies had I bought them. I am just hoping to earn soon and enjoy my few months of Winter.