Writers Block Oh No!

Me and writing have always gotten along. From English and Spelling being my favorite subjects in school, to me writing songs, poetry, and what were borderline erotica stories as a teenager. It has always come pretty smoothly for me. As an adult I wrote in journals constantly, all kinds of things, my deepest darkest secrets and feelings, in such a way some could consider it art. But during one especially toxic relationship my Ex violated my privacy and read through my journals. He used what I was writing against me and found a way to make it bad, he criticized and mocked me.

Next thing I know, my ability to write openly and freely had been ripped from me, I had the worst case of writers block. It took away my ability to vent as well and so I started stuffing all my emotions, this went on for years, I'd try to pick up a pen, I would open my notebook, and where I once so freely flowed I was suddenly left with blank lines. I was worried I would never be able to write again.

I have been on vocal a couple years at least now, but the last year or so I kinda put it on the back burner. When I got back on here I had mixed feelings of excitement and disappointment, because I saw the list of drafts I had made, but never finished or published. I remember first signing up for vocal and being so eager to start writing and putting myself out there, so why did I never publish anything? Always to busy to finish? Just never got around to it? Well that was my thinking back then. Now I can admit the truth though, I was just to scared plain and simple. I was scared to put my voice out there and be rejected, or criticized, or looked down upon, scared I wasn't a good enough writer to even try.

I have been doing a lot of self-reflecting and shadow work with myself lately, and really being open to looking at my behaviors and traumas and how they are connected, and I am now seeing the thinking errors I have been lying to myself with all based off unrealistic fears. Because in my heart I know I can be good enough, in fact I can be even great. I just have avoided it because I felt if I wasn't perfect right away then I wasn't good enough to be doing it. But I'm realizing that being imperfect is part of the journey, I mean what's the fun in getting everything right the first time? There is no growth or learning in that, and growth is really where the juicy goods are in life, that feeling of pride in yourself as you watch yourself transform into something better than what you once were? That's powerful. That's life juice right there.

So here I've sat on my computer for the last week, pushing out one imperfect story after the other, knowing it's okay. Because there will be someone out there who likes it and it resonates for them, just like simple imperfect vocals stories I've read have for me. I hope this one reaches someone who can relate and maybe it will help push them to finally publish thier first one as well. Or maybe just help someone see they are not alone in feeling this way. Or maybe you won't relate at all and find me totally ridiculous, and that's okay too!!! My current goal is to win a challenge or see my work in the "Writers we're loving!" section, I will be there someday.

We are all in this thing called life together, let's celebrate that! Like my story or subscribe to let me know you agree! And feel free to check out my other stories as well so you can watch me as I evolve into someone great and worth reading!