The Good Shepherd

The past 10 years have been crazy and full of changes.

My dad went through multiple job transitions, one involving a move from our home state. That meant leaving behind friends. That meant the realization that many of those friendships were a farce. It also meant leaving behind my two older brothers, with whom I had a close relationship. It meant lots of traveling back and forth to visit family. It meant attending a new church. It meant trying to form new friendships during awkward growth pains in a new environment. It meant opportunities to push myself out of my comfort zone. It meant many times failing at that, but it also meant sometimes succeeding in it as well.

That move out of state was in some ways a relief. I mean, my dad was no longer jobless. But because of so much loss, I felt like I was being dragged kicking and screaming away from my hometown.

And when I would start to feel comfortable, I felt like I was being attacked again. The loss of several close friendships, a church split of sorts, dad’s joblessness yet again, sickness, depression, two breakups, another move, visiting church after church, having to make friends (again), etc.

But you know what? I learned to ask Him what lessons He was trying to get through to me.

I asked for patience– I got sick for over a year. I asked for humility– my skin broke out. I asked for wisdom about our church situation– I felt prompted to leave. I asked for a man who would love me-- I met a boy which taught me what to avoid, so I would later recognize real love from a true man.

I learned to view it not as an attack but as growing pains.

If I had never moved from my hometown, I never would have experienced so much of the soul-searching, and risk-taking, and growth-stretching. I never would have put myself out there to meet or fall in love with the man who was to be my husband. I would have been spiritually stagnant because of the church environment I was in.

I learned to see that He takes broken things, yes even the dust, and makes something beautiful from it.

If that boy I thought I liked had not broken up with me, I would still be in that toxic and emotionally abusive relationship. Or worse. I would never have had my heart open to the man who I now call my husband and best friend.

If we had not gone through the church split, I never would have connected with my amazing friends. I would never have started to deconstruct some harmful beliefs taught me growing up.

I wouldn't be in a place of learning and growing and stretching like I am now.

I could go on about so many other lessons and blessings, big and small along the way.

His ways are above and unlike ours. But His are good motives. He can see our future and knows BEST!

I heard a quote once recently that went like this [paraphrase]:

“Because we don’t succeed at something doesn’t mean He isn’t with us. It is possible He is preventing us from doing that which may harm us in the long run.”

Wow! How often have I leaped ahead of Him, only to find myself in a hedge of heartache and destruction?! More times than I care to count. And yet, He is faithful. The Good Shepherd comes to me again, lifts me up to His shoulder, and carries me back to safety.