-- The Ghosts Between --

June 23rd, 2024

I planned to start this off with a poem about a scotoma, but I don't really see that happening.

*

UPDATE!

It turned out to be my cousins after all, messing with my car (referring to the situation detailed in my article, Put Down The Java! Of Double Entendres & Intrinsic Moderation). I was presented with a ten-minute montage of footage past and recent, taken from their own filming and my Snapchats. Needless to say, I was beaming.

I was always of the presumption that it was them, finding little merit in it being anyone else. Outside of the general possibility of work enemies, one individual I accidently found myself knowledge-bound with at my regular night-spot, the successive antics of some stranger(s) messing with my car due to its humble appearance (i.e. its missing hubcaps), et al, there really could not have been any party otherwise involved in it.

Ultimately, I am glad I didn't report the plate, or approach the car, or do anything else of any nature to interrupt the flow of events. It was worth the wait; worth that feeling inside to hold fast, because something grand is coming.

*

I suppose I want to address my status as a near 33-year-old male in this situation, a few of further roots to judgement calls, suffice it to say, which are bound to be made.

Me: If its negative and inconsiderate and strictly politically correct, et al, I really don't care what you think. And if I do: its only because the [human] evil [and fear-driven violence of actioned intention] you would try to enact against me. It makes me happy to hang with them, and they seem to enjoy hanging out with me. Some things are simply beyond my reach after this buffer of years has strung me eons-ward amongst the staged sects of the social zeitgeist. All I can say is that I am beyond thankful that they have a good deal of what I always wished to have but never did.

But, hey: I'm happy with the age gap and our similarities and the role I play in turn; I'm happy that things have not changed forever; I'm happy that there is still always next year; I am happy that our familial bond is so strong;

I know what is important to me-and nothing will ever change that. Not fear, or punishment, or anything else the ignorant outside would seek to injunct against me. It may appear to on the outside. But the bond is only as strong as its hold, and all evil holds are a lie.

*

You know, having a degree in electronic engineering technology, I know a thing or two about imaginary numbers.

Unfortunately, my life has been such a waste of actualization and resources that I could not even tell you with confidence a handful of things about them (least of all a singular thing, really) that doesn't include the existence of either j or i. If I were to write my autobiography, I would extrapolate on that point further, and to a grander effect. However, it stands to reason that it is evidence enough to allude to how foolish, fool-hardy, my existence has been in so much of its bulk so far.

There is a part of me inside that just does not care. I regret to even allow it to stand in the spotlight as the liberated sire of contention. The part of me that cares for those I love and the who I share the World with, by and large, is still alive and well. But survival reigns supreme. The need for bliss and harmony remains supreme. And any consideration of checking out is checked in turn by her pure blue eyes; in the thoughts that follow; that surround; that manifest; that billow, and burn, and churn, and help to put the whole thing into perspective. Even when the holy grail of some unknown need seems eternally out of reach.

*

I am writing this because the above asterisk broke the 666 word count which I ended with initially.

*

But I know my purpose for being here. And I am proud of who I am.

I wish some things were different; some things I would take back.

But I'm proud of who I am. And if my screw-ups and positive choices brought the important people into my life--into simple existence, but inadvertent fact and action--then happiness is mine to keep.