The Dark Night Of A Soul

Some time ago, I realized that I often give my best, and sometimes my very worst, to complete strangers in those brief “no expectations beyond this moment” moments, when we have nothing to lose, nothing to prove, or disprove, or defend. No image to project or protect. While thinking about it, I began to wonder if it’s deeper still?

Perhaps it’s a recognition of a kindred spirit and we instinctively bask in the gift of that. Perhaps, for whatever reason, we are driven by the need to feel a real connection with another, if only for a moment. Perhaps it’s the belief that 'this' will end shortly that is so freeing that our masks just slip off. But is it more?

Do we feel more free to show our best self, even our 'true' self, to complete strangers because of the lack of long-term expectations? What does that say about us as a species and our ability to love one another? To have healthy relationships? True, honest, open relationships because this is who I am and I hope you can love me. I trust that you will love me. I want you to love me.

But, from the moment we are born the kaleidoscope begins to spin, and with each turn we are transformed into something that contains all the components of the original, but different. Another version, if you will, as the world around you begins to mold you into something that meets the worlds' expectations of you. Every facet of who we are is formed by the parts of this world that we are subjected to by chance, circumstance, and even fate. We learned to adapt to our surroundings.

In fact, we became so adept at adapting, that there is a version of you for every person and circumstance that you have ever encountered. Because of this, no two people know the same version of ‘you’. The ‘you’ that showed up for work is not the ‘you’ that left your house twenty minutes ago. The ‘you’ that took herself to church last Sunday is not the ‘you’ that cussed out the cashier on Saturday. The ‘you’ that your spouse knows is not the ‘you” your children know, your parents know, your siblings know, your friends know, and most certainly none of them know the ‘you’ that you believe you are based on your own inner beliefs.

That’s a lot to digest, I know, which is why most never realize just how fragmented we have become; because we have become so adept at changing our masks. The world trained us to change our own masks. We change our own masks now.

And all along we believe that we still hold on to the original, we still know who “I am”, and we come to believe that we can only be that when we are alone; completely. As it turns out, peeling back the layers of your ‘self’ is quite addicting and you begin to crave more alone time to do just that. You have now entered what is uncommonly known as 'The Dark Night of The Soul'.

It is within this dark night of the soul that you begin to remove the masks. It is within this dark night of the soul that you go in search of your true self and in doing so, realize that you, yourself, are a fragmented piece of something larger than yourself. A little bit of every ancestor who came before you. A part of society as a whole. A piece of humanity. A fragment of the universe, of source. Of God.

When you open the door to the dark night of the soul, you are greeted by the Hermit. The Hermit leads you down the pathway, shining a light on the dark places. Slowly peeling back the layers of darkness that conceal ‘you’. If you’re brave enough to look into the darkness that is within you, you’ll begin to see your own light.

You’ll view the things that have shaped you from a new perspective, see how it happened; why it played out that way. You’ll recognize the lessons learned and how you decided to use those lessons. Did you use them for your betterment, or to your detriment? Eventually, if you take off enough masks, peer into enough dark places, you’ll find ‘You’. The ‘you’ that is perfectly imperfect.

The Hermit is your guide and it is the Hermit who eventually introduces you to the Magician. If you are willing to listen to the Magicians’ teachings, you’ll learn the magic that is ‘you’. The magic that is humanity; fragments of all that ever was, is, or will be. The Universe. Source. God.

“And above all, watch with glittering eyes the whole world around you because the greatest secrets are always hidden in the most unlikely places. Those who don't believe in magic will never find it.” - Roald Dahl

And, if you’re really, really lucky, you’ll realize the value and power of The Fool. The Fool worries not. The Fool walks, he leaps, in faith.