My Doctor Was Vaping In The Patient Room

I regularly take a trip to the doctor. I’m a hypochondriac, so when the slightest bit is off with my body the world starts to crumble, blood is pouring from the taps, and aliens have invaded.

I would prefer for aliens to invade Earth than for me to be sick.

Anyway; this particular trip was due to my ears. My left ear has been pouring out wax, I’m hypersensitive to sound and both my ears have got a sharp, shooting pain. As a hypochondriac, I started to think I was going deaf but the reality is that it’s likely to be a small infection.

When I rang the receptionist at the doctor’s, she surprised me by giving me a Sunday appointment. I’ve never had a weekend appointment before, but I guess because the waiting lists in the NHS right now are so bad, doctors have to start working overtime.

On Sunday, the appointment was in a newly built spacious building. Very quiet with very welcoming receptionists. Wonderful, time to get my ears fixed.

Suddenly, a young blonde woman with ten-inch long eyelashes and horrible arm tattoos burst through the door.

“Urgh, I’m so behind!”

She was behind. Actually, my appointment was meant to be at 10:10 am but it was currently 10:30 am.

Deciding not to put pressure on the young doctor, I didn’t give her eye contact and turned back to watch season 3 of Slasher on my mobile phone. No one else was around in the waiting area, so I must be next.

Five minutes later, my name was called and the doctor led me into her doomsday cavern (patient room).

“Did I pronounce your name right?”

“Yes, you did actually. Well done because no one ever does the first time.”

As she opened the door to the doomsday cavern, perched right in the middle of her desk behind the computer keyboard was a thick metallic pink electronic device that was clearly a vape. It was completely unmissable.

To make it even worse, you could tell she had been vaping between patients because the smoke was floating around the air of the room.

Makes you think of the reason why she was running late…

And what if I was badly asthmatic? That could have been pretty dangerous for me!

When we sat down at the desk, she moved the vape immediately, but only on her side of the keyboard. She didn’t even try to remove it from my eyesight.

The funniest thing about catching a doctor with a vape is that the NHS was the one who initially told us to start vaping because it’s better than smoking, but after a short amount of time, it’s clear that this is not the case.

Vapes have been poisoning society the second they hit the supermarket and corner shop shelves. I admit some of them smell great, but in principle, they’re a nightmare.

Vaping causes asthma, organ damage, lung scarring, other people to get pissed off, and most importantly, addiction.

How many Lost Mary packs have you seen on the pavement? How many empty vapes have you seen lying around?

Personally, I do not smoke or vape but I have two friends who are addicted. They smoke first thing in the morning, in the toilets at work and one has admitted to vaping in the shower.

Bottom-tier addiction, if you ask me.

As well as vaping in the patient room, The young blonde doctor also gave me bad advice for my ears.

“Don’t put cotton buds or olive oil in your ears. The olive oil will harden. Use over-the-counter sodium bicarbonate ear drops”

Huh? I thought olive oil doesn’t harden?

After the second round of using the sodium bicarbonate drops, my left ear was completely blocked and I was advised by another doctor to stop using them and start using olive oil.

“Warm up the olive oil for about ten seconds and test it with your finger to make sure it’s not too hot. Use a Q-tip to drip it into your ear.”

Guess who’s ear is no longer blocked? It’s not 100% there yet, but it’s doing a better job than the sodium bicarbonate. I think it’s funny how natural remedies can do better for us than pharmacy-manufactured products do.

Whilst talking to the second doctor on the phone, I snitched about the young blonde having a vape on her desk. It wasn’t a formal complaint, which is lucky for her, but I do think it’s highly unprofessional.

I didn’t catch that doctor’s name, and I wish I did so I could avoid her at all costs. You just can’t trust every medical professional anymore.