Memories: 17 March 2023

17 March 2023

It was 37 degrees Celsius today. I went outside to my soldering station and melted silver. Both attempts at casting failed today. I am very upset. Three failed attempts now!

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17 March 2022

Beautiful moon tonight. The whole garden is bathed in bright moonlight. Gorgeous.

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I woke up at 3 am, worrying about the fact that I am totally unprepared for any war crisis or other emergency. Spirit showed me that I need a backpack with a sleeping bag, and a carry cage for Charley. (I could use a cat carrier!) I don’t have room to store stuff like that anyway. It was like a moment of panic. I got woken up for that.

BeJaysus! So I posted all my memories and smiled at both the horror and the whimsy. Time to gird my loins with strength and bloody well go back to sleep.

17 March 2021

My gas bill was $307.81. I rang AGL to complain how high it is. She had me read the meter. Meter reading correct. Yet I am using more gas than a household of 5 people? I don’t cook more often or shower more often. It’s truly insane.

She offered me a $50 credit after arguing that the meter readings are accurate.

I still think something is wrong either with my gas supply or meter. (I don’t smell gas but have felt extremely fatigued in recent months)

I am in credit as I pay fortnightly out of my pension with Bill Smoothing but even so just the supply charges for 100 days was $121. $1:21 a day. It’s just so absurd.

17 March 2020

Damn. Mojo Burning has been cancelled on 28 March due to the coronavirus. Once again I have been sabotaged from attending...this time by a disease. Oh well... better luck next year!

17 March 2019

Trigger warning: vulnerable older shitty woman stuff

I am feeling weak and ill as the Movical the hospital demanded I take on Friday (a week before my surgery procedure) is playing havoc with me. I want to curl up and die and this is only the pre-prep. Wait until Wednesday and Thursday morning when the real prep happens. FML.

Even my teeth are singing like discordant cracked glass. Like a vibration from deep within my Being. I guess that’s where the natty expression “I am sick to my back teeth” comes from!

I must remember I am not my body but there is nothing quite as mortifying and earthing as chronic diarrhoea. They insisted I take this stuff so my diverticulosis doesn’t clog up the view. Cunts!!!

Oh and the prep has Aspartame in it, so no wonder every time I go through this ordeal I feel weak for weeks after. It’s not just because of the epic shitting and the after-effects of the anaesthetic.

I have decided this will be my last colonoscopy. I am not putting my body through this again. It’s bullshit. Well, actual Tanya-shit. The low-fibre diet is awful too.

Why am I even alive?! This is so horribly horribly inconvenient!

17 March 2018

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My beautiful daughter asked me to meet her for a late lunch at Carindale on the spur of the moment. So I did. I just dropped her off to work. It was nice surprise to spend some time with her.

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I can’t seem to sleep (as often happens after dancing out my demons all night). Post-adrenal high which is often followed by a death-like spiral into depression for a few days.

But I got this. Momentous awakening in my heart and mind and hands. Holding on to the passion and the joy for as long as I can as everything has its season.

Awesome!

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Today is my nephew’s birthday. He visited me in January with his wife and children. It was intensely emotional, given we had not seen each other for 30 years and the evil acrimony between his uncle and his parents and myself.

Crystal was suspicious of his intentions and told me she felt the need to protect me. Interestingly the proof is in the pudding. I haven’t heard from him since.

All good. I had a happy time with him for 2 days. Happy memories of him as a child reflected in his children. Happy memories of my parents in law who were in my life such a short time but who were generous and kind to me.

It brought closure and deep soul healing. In fact while we were all gathered around my dining table and I spoke of how my FIL Harry had literally haunted his family home shortly after his death, my dining table lifted in the air about 6 inches!

My G-d but even my daughters’ paternal line had great spiritual Mana!

I must remember that my family are witches and kabbalists, time travellers, dowsers, and yes, Psy Sighs, often Berserkers and Homeless Wanderers.

With great Power/Magic comes great responsibility and it is not an easy path to walk in the company of daemons and angels and to fly amongst the Sephirot. To boldly go where no sane ordinary person would ever dare venture.

But HaShem has always brought me the closure, the understanding, the vindication and validations and even the trembling trepidation of seeing beyond the masked and cloaked crusaders, the beautiful naked fragile Soul longing for Love underneath.

One I love very much came to watch me again last night. True loves but strange and fearful of the power of The Tanya’s unconditional (but not blind!) Love.

Time and karma will resolve that bathos. I rise and shine in my own joy. They tried to destroy me out of envy and spite but in the end, they got nothing but a slowly decaying degeneration.

My time has come to be my own Light and accept with grace my path that stumbled and humbled me but with full cognisance that G-d has always lifted me up from ground zero and allowed me to heal, to rejoice and to grow into a beautiful Soul that inspires and is blessed.

Dancing as fast and as wildly and passionately as I can. Surrounded by true friends who enhance my life. Free and joyous. Most of all, Loved.

Nothing lost in the Ein Sof Aur. We all return. Again and again. Different forms and light bodies. Same eternal love and Spirit. Grateful.

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Another awesome night. Thank you HaShem, the angels, and my beautiful earthangels who rock out with me. Fabulous!!!!!

Now I resume being a jaded exhausted somewhat bitter-sour cantankerous older woman (crone) and unfurl my cramped tootsies in the hot hot bath.

Fucking FORMIDABLE! En Francais! Mais Oui, c’est ça! C’est La Vie de la Tanya! Beaucoup d’Amour de l’espace sacre.

Man! I even had one of my beautiful trans friends offer to kiss me with her tongue. So I told her rather coyly she was a cheeky girl and we laughed. If I start kissing the punters and perambulators, dancers, voyeurs and assorted schmucks they will all want some!

Anyway, no one got hurt tonight. MacKenzie played well even if they did start the night off with Gidget-type songs.

By the way, Mama T has no feet. My insensible shoes almost killed me but still I jived and stomped. Irresistible relentlessly resilient. (Or summat ‘ lak tha’!)

Happy St Patrick’s Day for the wee folk and the inhabitants of the emerald isles. When Irish eyes are smiling...Pipes are calling and oops, Donald where’s Ye trousers? (That last one be a Scottish melody as no fine upstanding Irishman would ever lose his troos... blarney mumble mumble). Say what?!

17 March 2017

Omg!!! Rainnnnnn!

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It is a glorious morning. Louise sent me a photo of her gorgeous daffodils this morning. Spring has sprung in England. :-)

I had a rough night. Leg pain, root canaled tooth pain. Had to pee all night as I drank a lot of water last night as it was so humid. So not much sleep but still, in spite of my pain problems I am happy.

I see the dentist on 21st March so hopefully that will end the pain in the grumbling tooth.

Pain in leg will go away (probably when my former father's ashes arrive). Life will go on. Life is the greatest gift I have so I intend to enjoy what is left of it.

17 March 2016

Lucy visited this evening. She just left. I gave her an old mirror from my mother which she can fix up. A tapestry and a Japanese mother of pearl picture. She was rapt.

She has bought herself a little car. 1999 Hyundai. It is good to see her have wheels again.

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Just tried to pump up the bike tyres. No go. All out of puff. I will have to take the bike to a servo and perhaps it needs new inner tube. I thought I might ride Crystal's bike but it may need repairs first.

I will buy a bike hook to hang it up as it will be tidier and preserve the tyres.

I feel weak as a kitten and sweat is pouring off me. I think a storm is coming as it is very humid. Humid or hormonal. I can't always tell the difference.

I might as well not have put clothes on. Only been up and dressed for a few hours and need a shower and clothing change already.

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Happy St Patricks Day to the Smiling Irish Eyes!

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3.22 pm. Awake and at 'em. Doing washing while still hacking my lungs up. I had to double my dose of Seroquel at 4 am to get to sleep as Prednisone makes your mind race. Not feeling much better as I had bad coughing fits after seeing Lucy off at 2.30 am. The damp night air.

Still, I am taking all the medications and with more rest, hopefully will start to get better in a few more days. I have a repeat for the antibiotics if I don't.

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2.56 am another smashing headache from another severe coughing fit. Not fucking cool! I will be glad when this illness leaves me.

17 March 2015

1.25 am I had a wonderful night with my Crystal and Jarrod. Crystal brought Rum so I made a Rum Baba. I had also bought a small cheesecake but as Crystal is Lactose free, I made the Rum Baba with coconut milk. It turned out great!

Jarrod made us a delicious Bbq on the Weber. Sausages, chicken nibbles, baked potatoes and sweet corn. He also bought the ingredients for a delicious salad made with goats cheese for Crystal.

After dinner we watched a tv show called A Haunting of..various celebrities, which I found very interesting.

Harvey enjoyed chasing possums and hanging out with Socks and Mushu.

Everyone was happy! I had epic hayfever all day which was the only dampener ( excuse the pun!)

17 March 2014

Awake at last. New day, new life, new hopes.

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Ramon meets Harvey and it is well, Kiss-met! Harvey The Man was terrified. Lmao! A new paradigm was shifted between Natural born Predator and Prey! They even have similar colouring!

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Happy Purim (victory over oppression this time led by a Woman, Queen Esther, wife of Ahachverosh) and Happy St Patricks Day. The man who drove Snakes out of Ireland lol.

This Wood Snake is going back to her lavish boudoir, to shed old skins while my wolf totem honours the Fulsome Full Moon with my urge for Wildness, and smiles at the shiny wide eyes of my Cat who also succumbs to the Full Moon, and was playing like a kitten until she threw up on my rug (noice, noice!)

The Howling is Complete. Satiated, Happy and Free!

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Not long to go now until I get to see Sons of Anarchy. Silver ticket. Gail bought it for me. She is Gold and gets to 'meet and greet'! We are so excited.

I might even meet a modern day Viking there. (Bikers! Yum!) Seems only truly Wild Men know how to treat me with geniune caring and respect. Licks lips! I love Men who Love me the Right Way!

I never have to drop a Biker to the floor or throw them over my shoulder. They knowww better than to sexually harass me. Only problem is they are often so shy or aloof I don't realise they want me until it's too late. Hahaha.

A venue full of wild woolly slightly gaga men will be soooo entertaining. I am just going to sit back and people-watch!

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Penny has taken over the guest room which was previously Zulu's Domain. He would not be happy about this! All Hail the new Queen of Holland Park. She has finally claimed her Boudoir! (When she is not sleeping beside De Mama that is!)

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I was just lying outside on the grass, trying to ground myself and meditate as my emotions are still running very high. I have vacuumed front lounge room and needed a rest. Lol.

So I am out there talking to Hashem in my mind when I hear the neighbours' car pull in. I ignore it as I barely hear from them anymore and I just 'vant to be alooone, darlinks'.

So back to my inner world went I, listening to the wind blowing through the grass next to my head, the birds saying their "good evenings" before sunset and my chooks scratching the ground nearby when I hear a little voice call out "Auntie Tanya".

I smile internally but try not to react, but the voice comes a second time, clear and determined. How can I resist the attentions of small child?

So I roll over onto my chest and wave to little Evie, miss 4 and her baby sister Anneke, who is holding onto the fence and now clearly walking and a little toddler.

So they ask me what I am doing lying down in the grass with the cat and the chickens so I tell them meditating, which is like talking to heaven! Their father ruins it by informing me that he is teaching them about people's beliefs and explained to them that I believe that Heaven is where Bella went when she died. (Evie wanted to know why Bella went away).

So I said she was just too special so she had to go up into the sky where we can't see her cos it's cloudy but she is smiling down upon us from The Dog star. Her father says "yeah the stars shaped like her funny haircut" and we grin at each other with the memory.

To freak out the non-believer, (cos I can, that's how I roll!) I tell Evie, "and if you are very special and very lucky you get to see them all the time from heaven!" Needlessly to say, he hurried the kids indoors. Lmao! Evie is smart. She already knows about spirituality. The wise little grin said it all!

She is such an intelligent strong solid little girl. Her ancestry is Polish and Russian. I see myself in her. She is going to grow up to be so powerful, bright and awesome.

As long as she doesn't fall in love with a dirtbag! Psy sighs! I will pray she grows up strong enough to survive the men of her generation and to Master them also 🙂.

Evie and I have a unique connection. I "guessed" her birth not long after she was conceived. She is one little Soul determined to walk this world! She announced her coming with an energy signal so strong even I picked it up. Such a joy and such delight when we are in touch with our own "soul family ".

17 March 2011

I'm still not feeling very well, exhausted and low mood, but my darling Lyn came to visit me this morning, and took me out for the day, to Garden City to pick up Danni and we all had a nice lunch together. I got to see Danni's new apartment and it felt good getting out of my house.

17 March 2010

Oh Buggar, I hurt my back on Monday doing all that bending and digging. I am in a lot of pain and discomfort. Voltaren isn't even helping. Oh well, you get that. I am not the most physically fit person in the world so I guess I overdid it.

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So tired today and the pain killers aren't working...ooops that's probably cos I forgot to take the next dose 2 hours ago...silly me...I am not good at popping pills which I suppose is a good thing LOL

Copyright Tanya Désirée Arons