Memories: 13 April 2023

13 April 2024

It’s a beautiful day. I slept in the hammock for a short while. Charley enjoyed her “tree time” in the Golden Rain tree. I was exhausted.

Tomorrow Jarrod and I are going to Byron Bay. Exciting.

13 April 2023

It’s another beautiful albeit windy day. 58 years and one day whirling dervishes around the sun. Astonishing. But Magickal. I am still here. Delighting in the Mystery of Life!

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Copied….from my friend Gillian Kaye. I rarely copy and paste these things but it’s a worthy message.

The only thing I don’t agree with is Number 2. I resent apologising for something that I was not responsible for or participated in. Or am not Sorry.

To do otherwise is ceding your soul and hypocrisy.

But I have done much “healing” by telling someone who is hysterical and unreasonable that I am “sorry”.

Suzy Van der Kwast comes to mind…my former boss when I was a teenager.

She would be shrieking at me for some imagined slight or a “set up” and I would just calmly hold space for her, staring into her eyes and would shrug and say Sorry. Deflection rather than escalation.

I had nothing to be sorry about but that she was in an overactive trauma response so was “acting out” but that devolution of fury sometimes just needs to hear that sorry even if it is coming from an innocent unblemished person in that moment.

As human beings we have a lotttt to be sorry about. It is rare that any of my perpetrators (and they were fucking LEGION!) ever apologised to me. And I do not require apologies from those who were not there in those trauma inducing moments so were not culpable. Integrity and honour and decency is EVERYTHING.

Oh and Suzy did actually apologise to me once for her misplaced misdirected anger. She also “visited” me in a dream a few weeks after her death, appearing as though she was looking out a window, backlit by the most radiant golden sunlight. Like rays emanating from her head. Like a fucking Angel. I knew then she had died.

So all my Beloveds and more than a few enemies have come to me as an honour and a courtesy or show of respect after their deaths. Including that evil predatory bastard David Davidson. I almost have to laugh still about that one.

True Love from true hearts is more powerful than Death or than any of my evildoers. They found that out the Hard way.

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We are in mourning as a country again here in Israel.

It’s one of the pros and cons of being part of the Jewish people.

We celebrate together as a people. We mourn together as a people.

When one of us is lost, we are all lost. We all feel it. 15 million around the world feel it.

Today Leo Dee had to bury his wife, Lucy Dee, only days after they buried 2 daughters. All were killed by senseless Jew-hatred.

Despite what must be his excruciating pain, he delivered a speech we should all listen to regardless of faith.

At the end of the service, he gave a blessing and message that he felt his wife would want to have shared with the world that was watching.

It’s pure, simple and has the power to change our lives personally and professionally, and even the world.

1. To give - Don’t hold grudges.

2. Apologise, even if not your fault. It might have the power to change things.

3. Don’t be upset for too long.

4. Be passionate about what you do or change what you do.

5. Get out of bed like a lion - have an occupation or activity that inspires you to want to jump out of bed in the morning.

6. You don’t have to be the best; you just have to give your best.

7. Always explore and be curious in life. You might grow older but never grow up. Be youthful.

8. Love all your kids equally.

9. Share your love because it’s abundant. Give endless love.

10. Tell people how much you appreciate and love them now. When they are gone, it is too late.

If this resonates with you, please can I ask you to share this post.

We all should only know peace.

#israel #lucydee #deeday #love #blessings #peace

13 April 2022

Today is the 72nd birthday of my “dead sister” Angela who declared me dead towards the end of the Will Dispute in 2012 because….I always always cleave to my truth no matter how much it hurts to do so and that truth cost me dearly: in multifarious ways and yet it revived me the zombie sister who was cast out and scapegoated because of the arrant cowardice and abuse dynamic of my entire (!!!) family of origin.

So I am thinking of her just in this moment as she is who she is and she chose to cleave to her deluded lies so she could feel good about herself and her life and I chose freedom from perverts and oppressors, liars and their corruption and their false gods and their treachery.

I have zero regrets. I could do no better as I was at their mercy right up until that declaration of my “death” and that was her greatest most powerful gift as it led me to realise that I had been dead already for longer than was necessary and so I began the slow inexorable climb back into my own body mind and spirit and I continued my fight against all of my personal abusers and some that were faceless and Intangible as well.

All that concomitant hatred piled up on me until 2015 and yet here I am, 7 years later relatively well and blooming.

So happy birthday to my last traitor of that original wound of that family that was infested with paedophilia, acopism, sadism, violence and narcissism. The women who claimed to be feminists but sold their own little girls out to adult perpetrators in return for what?

The worst treachery being from my halfsister, a fellow survivor of the family perpetrator. But shhhh….let the evil Shits go.

I breathed life into them enough and when I stopped feeding them from my own life force they cracked and dissipated like broken mirrors or faded away like a mirage on a deserted wasteland somewhere.

But the spirits are yelling right now…no…no….no excuses for bad behaviour. Accept what was/is/always will be…the bloodless and the frenzied murderers of life and little children but do not fall foul into the pits by the deception of false religiosity that both victim blames the survivors and fucking DEIFIES the monsters of our past. That is how history, violence, NAZISM keeps being repeated as everyone actively chooses to look busy and calls that “God”.

No! I say no and no and no!

Take action to ensure the truth remains the truth in all dimensions of the multiverses and let go of the lies and deceptions that told you that you deserved the evil that was done to you and by doing that justifies the means to perpetrate that hate on some other victim in this life or the next.

Just fucking Stop. Stop long enough to heal your Self and to regain equilibrium and find the god within that gifts you the freedom and the peace to weather any storm, any battle, any dissent, any Abuse and hold your head up high.

My angels have my back. But they are a tad whimsical and I have learned to hold them to account too. The I and the Thou. As above so below, as within, so without. Interconnected relationships with powerful beings takes its toll on our psyches but….when push comes to shove our true family are the ones who step into our fray and lift us up on 9ft shoulders and say “We’ve got you”.

🙂

May we be blessed to know real Love, courage, clarity and peace. Amen v’selah

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Some people are just fucking putrid… especially the ones who say that the slaughter at Auschwitz was “beautiful”. EVIL PERSONIFIED.

I am out. (Actually my iphone battery died just at that moment and that was a “Beautiful” synchronicity).

Kelly Anne: Who said that shit?

@Kelly Anne: someone I put a lot of time and energy into supporting their mediumship show.

Nevermind, I have unfriended them both.

You get a lot of closet Nazis in the spiritual community. Pity she came out of the closet after I had already submitted two deeply personal videos. I would not have contributed to their show if I knew she and her cohorts were Nazis.

But as she stated when she kept pushing my buttons this evening that I was “triggered” and that “everything happens for a reason” including child abusers and the Holocaust and is part of the karmic cycle.

Well she can shove that toxic demonic spiritual bypassing right up her arse!

I hate that filthy attitude!

Oh and what really got my goat… was when she stated that Native Americans have no right to be angry or upset over what happened to their grandparents (She meant ancestors) and they should just get over it!

I was about to reply that she was seriously insane and evil but my battery died.

I sat staring at my iPhone in a state of blind fury mixed with horror and despair. These were my new “friends” that harbour so much hatred and use their spiritualism to spread these vile “teachings” that do nothing to heal the damage of perpetrators of evil but excuse it with “better luck next life”. An abnegation of responsibility and a victim blaming that is insidious, invidious and heinous.

I unfriended them and left her group but the stink will stay with me for a few days until I cleanse myself of their filth. Yuck!

I am especially upset as I genuinely liked them both and supported their show and personally supported the woman when she complained she had a male stalker!

So what the fuck? Did I do that for?

Well I didn’t know their true hearts and minds so yes it’s another hard lesson to not buy into other people’s bullshit without knowing all the facts at hand but then of course evildoers are masters of deception and they are drawn to me because they see a fragile older woman who they think is lonely and ergo they assumed I am “Vulnerable.”

Mama T is rarely truly lonely as she has outlived more evil perpetrators of Abuse than the average human so is careful who she allows her heart to care for.

And yes I have been feeling vulnerable of late with my IBS and trauma issues so I can thank those evil fetid bastards for galvanising me again, as in this current paradigm of Covid, human bestial raping/torturing/killing in the Ukraine and Russia and the ever present undercurrent of threat that I can smell oozing out here in Australia…I don’t have the time or the luxury to be “vulnerable” for very long.

Time to heft my angelic/demonic sword and cut down any that stand in the way of freedom, peace, justice or just basic human decency and dare to dress it up as “spirituality”. That is a slow seeping poison like heroin that might get you temporarily High (sniggers) but ultimately turns you rotten and I have worked hard at keeping my spirit alive and well, even though my container is quickly sliding into old age and decrepitude.

I will continue to live out my life as honourably as I possibly can. No Nazis need apply to be front and centre of my social, intellectual or spiritual circle. I have no time for haters.

I had a lifetime of my own fellow Jews disguised as lovers trying to strangle and rape me followed by the last gronking longterm bf with his drug soaked neo Nazi friend threatening to cut my head off with a samurai sword, so excuse me while I scream now as this shit is getting weird.

Enemies in every part of the Venn Diagram of Evil and Abuse on both sides of the spectrum. Including my own family of origin and many many former friends.

So yes I am well aware that magical, spiritual and religious spheres are utterly infested with psychopaths, child abusers and rapists and slanderers so what else can I do but de-flea myself of the psychic (psycho) vermin but Dance on 💃:-))))).

Living freely and joyously and abundantly and Kindly….is the ultimate revenge.

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Yesterday evening I had a spirit whisper in my ear “Surprise”. I thought oh that is silly as after all it is my birthday and birthdays are loaded with love and kind thoughts from family and friends anyway.

But very late at night I was indeed surprised by a message from my oldest childhood friend (whom I met when I was only 4 years old in Island bay Wellington). We have been estranged for about two years as she failed to maintain communication and connection with me as she claimed she was always too busy!

The message was short and sweet wishing me Happy Birthday and a better year ahead. It threw me somewhat as she lives in NZ which is three hours ahead of our Brisbane time so it would have been 2 am when she messaged me.

I immediately replied with a Thank you but she did not read my reply so must have sent it off prior to retiring for the night.

Anyway it was a trivial thing but indeed a “surprise” as I had not expected to ever hear from her again. I felt happy that she had thought of me before going to sleep for the night.

So the message proves (that is if it was indeed from her and not some faker troll pretending to be her!) that love truly is eternal and I am well thought of even after many decades apart and my weird estrangements at times.

I probably won’t pursue the friendship further though as it hurts too much to be invalidated and told constantly that someone is too busy for even brief connectivity.. Yet she makes time for her other friends?

So I have let go of some of the pain, like a shedding of old skin but I have not let go of the baseline common denominator which is the love we shared as young children (she is 4 years older than I) and my immense love and gratitude for her mother Mrs June Robertson who always, always, no matter how immersed in her own grief/trauma/darkness found the time (albeit briefly…by hugging me or wiping my tears or promising me that I would somehow survive my abusive childhood…the woman who suffered as much as I and who taught me the meaning of, and the courage of…Love!)

A brave NZ woman of Norwegian descent so a true blue Viking who fought not with violence or aggression or intimidation but with grace under fire, with a solidity that resembled the galvanisation of The Terminator robot and whose mettle shone.

She was mocked and derided for her anxious gentle quivering nature by the more Bolshey and aggressive Gisela and Muriel down the road (themselves also Warrior Goddesses after surviving WW2 in Germany and England respectively but their condescension and cruelty to June did not go unnoticed by me as a child and I defended her and protected her at times because I knew her true spirit and truest value as a kind gentle loving woman whose life turned to shit by the tragedy of marrying a broken down aggressive alcoholic.

Instead of support from the sisterhood which she badly needed she was scorned and derided so I learned very early about classism, snobbery and othering.

My mother knew better as she too had been by then a divorcee and had survived brutal attacks on her life . She could have done a lot more for June by encouraging her to leave her husband and set herself free from decades of pain.

Ultimately it was her daughter (aged 19) and myself aged 15 who finally encouraged her to separate and regain her autonomy and life back. June was in her early 50s by that time and her husband had descended rapidly into Korsakov syndrome from his drinking.

She deserved a happier, safer life. I often wish she had left earlier but already trapped in poverty and trauma she had stoicly held on thinking it was the right thing to do: stand by your man even if he was slowly killing her.

So I send you love June across the multiverses. Your love was stoic, solid, unbreakable and in its way a force of Nature that weathered the good and the too often bad like a Viking ship on violent seas and I wish there could have been more protection for you and for your inner child and for your only child too.

You nurtured both of us: your daughter (as much as she would permit) and your little Tanya friend who soaked up your love, attention, affection, and wisdom like a dried out sponge on a searingly sun-soaked beach for I was adrift and battleworn already at 6 years of age and without you…without you…I truly would not be an older woman of 57 years today (and one day!)

A lifetime squeezed and eked by precious moments and memories as fresh as morning daisies that have been carefully cultivated as a life is both the exquisite and the hideous, both triumph and glory amidst desecration and despair although I am creating new memories that are almost legendary in their sublime beauty.

I am inviting good kind true loving friendships and connectivity based on loyalty and respect which cuts away the dross and the contemporaneous resurgent traumas and shreds the carapace masking and leaves instead, the newly emergent sparkling butterfly that lay too long and too late in metamorphosis but stretches her wings and says “Fly my pretties. Fly before we must die as this is our time…the Now…precious as always but we cannot allow the dysmorphic haters to bite off our newly fledged wings”. And those already bitten off and chewed up and feeling desolate?

We can regrow them. In our hearts and minds. A new incarnation while yet still living in this one. A transmogrification, a bifurcation, a binary coupling with the gods of our understanding who whisper “surprise” because we are in a constant state of surprising our older selves in our own life force and journey to Wholeness and our own consecrated Becoming.

SURPRISE! We have got you!

Love is the law and life is the miracle and the great mystery knows who and what is real even in our current inverted reality and can find us anywhere in the space-time continuum…by our Heart.

Listen to your heart. It speaks its own language and its own rhythm and is a beacon in the darkness and light it up so others may be inspired/guided to light up theirs so we may find each other and honour our truths and free ourselves of the suffocating enslavement of masks and deception, of fear and loathing, of shame and degradation and instead shine forth a connectivity that surrounds our entire planet…nay Cosmos!- in Love and Peace.

13 April 2021

I had a truly beautiful day yesterday. I am wearing the leather rune symbol that Elizabeth gifted me. It means “flow”. She told me that I need to stop being in a mad Rush, racing through life. That I need to just breathe and slowly go through all the processes and steps to achieve my goals. Otherwise I will miss out on vital information.

She said I need to be like the river and trust in the flow of life. Sometimes it’s okay to just be still for a while and await for the next surge of energy or movement.

The rune for Harvest was also the significant energy in my reading.

She pulled it before I arrived and it also came out at the end of the reading. My time has come to enjoy all the spiritual and material rewards I have manifested.

Interestingly she said I had given myself a year to attain my goals. I felt I had given myself 5-10 years. But I will be happy and excited to see where I am in my spirit in a year’s time.

Life has brought me exponential growth and swift changes. Made even more interesting and challenging with the current Covid paradigm. But I have been swimming upriver all my life so I am content to just flow now.

Jarrod and Crystal were so loving and patient with me yesterday.

At one point at Montville I became a bit hypoxic while wearing my mask. My chest was heaving and I was struggling to breathe. We left the beautiful antique shop we were browsing in, and I was feeling rather weak.

Crystal took my hand and held hands with me as we walked up the street. I had to remove the mask as it was inhibiting my ability to breathe fully. I thanked her for holding hands with me. She said she thought I was going to faint. It was a very sweet and intimate gesture.

It actually made my entire day. Such a tiny expression of comfort and love.

But they both showered me with so much love yesterday, taking gorgeous photos of me in front of a sweet little cottage with loads of dahlias on the front fenceline.

Then I was showered in so much love from my other friends, in real world and on Facebook as well.

You are so gorgeous to me: all of you and it means everything to me to know how much loved and valued I am.

Thank you my bright beautiful and deeply precious souls!!! XX

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Thank you to everyone who made my birthday so special! I was lavished with the most delicious food and gifts and showered with so much love and affection.

I had a wonderful day and am so grateful and happy to have such beautiful souls in my life cheering me on and bringing much joy, beauty and blessings to my life.I love you all xxx

13 April 2020

I just heard from my childhood friend in NZ. She tells me that lockdown has been her first rest in years. I am so happy to hear from her.

I told her I am always here for her no matter what. She says she has been an awful friend. I said “Not at all! Just busy!” But this giant Pause has gifted many the insight as to what truly matters in life: Love! Connection! Friendship! Solidarity! Togetherness, even ironically if only over Zoom or FaceTime.

Life is weird.

But my life has Always been Weird. And often draining and exhausting on those who have had to fight for me for eons.

I am grateful and happy to know I am loved. That brings me immense comfort and joy.

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Oh how awesome! Yes we never know what even our most tiniest impact has on the soul growth of another Being. I often feel so insignificant and at times worthless but then I look into the faces of my beautiful soulful friends and my formidably heart-warming unconditionally-loving pets and tune into the groundedness and heart centre of the trees and garden I have helped co-create on my sacred space.

My little piece of heaven where I abide on Earth and I think how dare I ever ever limit myself or feel less than any other being on earth. An unfolding ever-blossoming Miracle is Life.

13 April 2018

Today is my former half-sister Angela’s 68th Birthday.

It is also Black Friday.

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13 April 2016

I just got home from an awesome afternoon and evening with Margaret, Nathan and Neo down at Merrimac and Broadbeach. I met friends of Nathan who are a French couple of artists. Michel retired from being a ceramic artist. Beautiful work. Then we all had dinner at Kurruma RSL right on the beach.

Margaret, Neo and I went to have a paddle in the sea. The sea was surprisingly warm so we had a marvellous time.

They are leaving for Moree and onwards back home to Blayney tomorrow. I wish they had more time here but we sure had fun together!

13 April 2015

I never speak rudely to my inner child. Miss Five would kick me to death. (She has a violent streak and she earnt it early!) My family of origin did frequently speak to me with such ugly destructive soul murdering words. I deserved better than that.

13 April 2014

5.49 am. Home at last. I had a wonderful birthday, both Friday and last night. Crystal and Sarah bought me dinner at my favourite Vietnamese restaurant in the Valley, then Sarah and I danced to Berst until 3 in the morning.

I rocked out so much like a whirling dervish that I no longer can feel my feet, or my ankles or anything from the knees down. I will be in trouble later today if I want to walk anywhere LOL.

Not complaining. I am happy as I have ever been in my whole life. I am sooo grateful for my gorgeous daughter and friends who love and care for me so generously and affectionately.

This is finally the time of my life, enjoying my freedom and my joy with the best of the best (la crème de la crème!) and even at our worst we are still so sublime! I love you all so much and I honour you for sticking with me all these years (or in some cases, months). You are AWESOME! xxxxx

13 April 2013

13 April 2012

I had a wonderful Birthday with 2 days of Celebrations and Feasting! Lyn took me out to Sizzlers on Wednesday which was lovely then on Thursday, Sybil took me to Coorpooroo RSL for a lovely Roast and white wine then we went from there to Carindale for afternoon tea and a good look at the Shopping Extension.

In the evening Crystal and Jarrod arrived. Jarrod cooked a sumptuous Roast dinner and Crystal baked a yummy Carrot cake! Crystal brought Vodka which we thoroughly enjoyed and Jarrod brought a bottle of Champagne which we agreed to save for another amazing Occasion!

Thank you to all my gorgeous friends for your love and Well Wishes! You all have inspired me and I realize how very Blessed I am to know you and have you in my Life! xxxx

13 April 2011

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Apparently a real woman always has a clean house, empty laundry basket, is well made-up, smells good, slim, healthy, eloquent and is perfectly well-behaved.... Copy this status if you are beginning to suspect that you are a man!

PS It's not the Men in my Life that count, it's the Life in my Men "Mae West" I just love her, don't you? She was one woman who honoured the Art of behaving very Well! or Badly!

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13 April 2009

I am very happy after the most awesome birthday surprises organised by Crystal, Jarrod and Jasmine. They bought me tickets to see "Chicago" and took me out for a lovely lunch in a Greek restaurant and bought me the DVD of Chicago and a wonderful book on Kabbalah.

Copyright Tanya Désirée Arons