Memories: 1 December 2023

1 December 2023

1 December 2022

It’s a cold and rainy day which is ironic as a few days ago I finally too the electric blanket off my mattress due to the extreme heat.

I am really tired today. My hands have that weird oedema around the joints. I didn’t do any gardening or heavy work yesterday. So wtf?!

My cleaning lady just left. She told me she is feeling tired these days too. I suppose it’s all the dramatic shifts in temperature plus all the stress we all live under now.

Her aunt sent her a photo of her swollen leg. I told her she needs to see a doctor as that is serious. So lots of worry about people’s health in our current epoch.

Lyn is planning to visit me this afternoon. I am looking forward to seeing her!

Bobo is exhilarated as I found his favourite red kong ball under the wardrobe. (I mopped underneath that yesterday!) He is sleeping next to his ball like it’s a most precious commodity. Which to a dog it truly is.

I am hoping the rain stops soon. It’s been rather a lot…again. A lovely respite from the intense heat and humidity last week though.

No emotional breakdowns this year. That’s nice. The Silly Season is upon us. It’s so silly most of my neighbours already have their Christmas trees up. Some went up right after Halloween. People are trying to suck every ounce of pleasure out of life. I get it.

1 December 2021

1 December 2020

I had another disaster with the resin. It cooked too quick in the heat outside (I was painting my boxes under the umbrella! But too hot. I think I rescued the big one in time. Fingers crossed.

If it’s completely ruined I will never use resin again. Yegads...why do I keep doing stuff I am no good at...like breathing... existing and other assorted weird fuckery!

But I kept going and painted another old box in left over flat black paint. I had just enough to finish it. Phew!

…

Fuck. Just flooded my kitchen. It was epic. On the bright side my kitchen floor is cleaner than it was before! Grrr!

Melissia Rose Kelly: Go on admit it, it needed mopping anyway hahaha

Me: Melissia Rose Kelly it was on my agenda today but I had an ignoble tossing pre-emptive strike.

But yes after that disaster I have continued with cleaning the floors and simultaneously cleaning out my house!!!

1 December 2018

I had an awful night last night being harassed yet again at Treasury Casino. I took off my stiletto shoe and chased the fucker away from me. Tempted to beat him with my shoe but stopped myself as what will that prove? I will look like the aggressor and noone (not even my so-called friends) ever has my back.

So I went downstairs to report the incident to the security manager. Who walked me politely back upstairs to the dance floor and asked me to point out the guy. But he had left after my epic furious scene.

The security guy said he would look at the cctv footage but I know they won’t bother. They agreed I should report to police. But I know They won’t protect me either.

Never ever have. Through three strangulations and 18 months of constant harassment at Waterford West. Not even with the assaults at Irish Murphies.

Yeah. I get it. I am a woman on my own so society wants me dead like the 62 other women and children that were slaughtered by their husbands and fathers this year.

I know I am a weirdo for having the temerity to put myself out on that dance floor every week for over 7 years now. How dare I dress up and try to make myself feel powerful beautiful and happy and hold my own on my “spot” and dare with absolute intrepid chutzpah to fully engage with my life by dancing and having a good time.

What kind of freak doesn’t just crawl away and die? Why The Tanya of course. That’s Who. Dying because no one values, respects or appreciates me is no longer an option. It never really was but I got extremely triggered the last time I tried to die.

Well I didn’t die. Unfortunate. Inconvenient. But like all survivors proof that for some ridiculous reason I am meant to be here. On earth. Dancing. Fighting for myself by myself over and over again. Writing my truth. Speaking my truth. Loving my truth. Being my truth. In a luckless loveless woman-hating world.

I left the casino early and went to buy a big fat Magnum ice cream and a sausage roll, musing cheerfully at my big fat phallic intent. I went to sit in Queens Park. The ice cream was salty hazelnut and cool in my mouth.

I somehow didn’t enjoy it as much as I should have. I struggled with the sausage roll after the ice cream. It was stodgy and dry in my mouth and I was tempted to throw the last quarter out but ate it anyway.

How interesting that I force myself to complete a task, a mission that has already lost all flavour and joy. I must try to stop doing that. It is only programming.

Someone can always step into my breach when I am gone. As Suzy taught me as a young waitress “No one is indispensable Tanya”. Ie I am easily replaced and have a useby date. Fodder for a cannon that trifles with no fool.

Load them up and watch them explode into a thousand pieces but unbeknownst to those poor greedy empty fucks The Tanya reinvigorates, reconfigures, rebuilds and gets up and pushes forward in her own desecrated violated life and truly no one can stop her but Death who chooses not to as he is one of her best most precious friends. (A nod in his direction).

Her other best friends Life and Love drag her around by the nose. Always a carrot tip away. Held from me at a distance to stare or leer or play idiotic schoolboy games.

But I follow my snubbed nose and my broken remodelled heart and I come out to dance. To play. To reclaim my life in my own way.

The only way. Just for today. Sashay away.

…

I asked the tree “what is Love, tree?” She answered. Pushing down firm roots, deep into the earth while simultaneously reaching for the stars.

Holding your ground in turbulent tempests and deep frosts of despair and loneliness while simultaneously communing with your community across the globe, knowing even in the naked winter of your disconnection and grief that there will be a new blossoming, leaves will unfurl and swirl and blooms will form and show off their new sacred patterning perhaps to a new audience for the very first time who will stand and watch in awe.

At times progress and growth will seem Slow and abstemious, but in the spring time a sudden burst of new invigoration will delight and surprise.

The bad times that gnarled the trunk and are cut off from source will seem arduous and harrowing but will strengthen us and grow us wise and glorious. Until some mad fuck comes to cut us down and mulch us into the earth where we will slowly rot and feed the soil to foment a new evolution and more trees.

In the lush soil will be our memory of our grandeur and we will grow again. A new tree. A new life. In the eternal tzim tzum-expanding and contracting, pushing and pulling, outwards and inwards, off gassing and breathing. Photosynthesising. Philosophising. Living. That is Love.

…

1 December 2017

Omg! I just let Bobo out into the garden and he sorta pounced on a wild rainbow lorikeet, that grabbed Bobo on his shoulder and bit down hard and was screeching and flapping its wings at him in full attack mode.

I thought the aggressor was the dog at first but that bird hung on for dear life. I chased them with a stick, hoping to scare the bird away from Bobo but they ran down the garden in full flight until somewhere at the front of the yard the wild angry bird let go and flew off.

Charlie was greatly amused. He is bringing his own kin to play War of the Roses at my house! Poor Beauregard is utterly amazed and slightly humiliated.

1 December 2016

The storm blew over with a piddly dribble of rain. I had pulled my hammocks in and was inside, looking forward to a good torrential rain. Bubkes. Bastard Thor and Odin rolled on by. But hopefully some more storm front rolls through and dumps much wanted rain here.

I feel all jangled. All dressed up with nowhere to go feeling. I hate when a storm blows through, gets me all twitterpated then leaves with barely any rain, or thunder or lightning. Like a giant premature ejaculator that goes off to jerk off somewhere else.

Reminds me of my marriage. No, it was not funny. Grrr!

Terrie Collier: Fuck you make me laugh hahaha

Me: Well storms are my most favourite thing. Storms and sex make me feel Alive. Pity I can't get either lol

…

From my friend Nigel: if you know anyone planning to visit nz tell them to wait 12 months. They are seeing movement and movement patterns not seen here before for example one recent fault that moved had not moved since the late 1870. They are fairly certain another big one is due soon so they have told new Zealanders to prepare they are seeing earthquake slip patterns not seen before.

1 December 2015

I had a nice lunch with my cousin, Melvyn. Myer centre parking was $35 but I haven't seen Mel in 6 months so it was worth it. Also being able to get home quickly in the stinking heat as I worry about my Bobo. He is doing well. Nice and cool from lying in ice pack and wet towel.

I have covered my car with my hail cover as I have bad pain in my left knee as storms are building.

Bobo and I are cuddling. He is chewing everything. I had to get him away from my handbag. Very sweet but strong boy.

…

It appears one of my friends on my list had to have been sending screen shots of my status updates re:Alcide. There is no way she could have known about the Beauregard or my comment about her hiding behind a P O Box number.

Not everyone who smiles at me is my friend. Even worse I have 89 friends on here and one is a traitor who fed into my drama and chaos with the breeder woman to undermine me when I am already in deep distress. So another person is behaving like a personality disordered fuck-knuckle.

I have Bev on block. She was wrong to accuse me of making Alcide sick and basically cheat me out of having him and now suing me. I was wrong too. Wrong to trust in a healthy puppy and in a sociopath.

Once again I am paying an inordinately heavy price for my childlike naïveté and love for an animal. I will always love that dog. Not the dog's fault he became one of Solomon's babies.

Now, for the traitor on my friends list, please remove yourself. If you think I am a dumb nasty arsehole who deserves to be damaged over and again and you get your kicks by screenshotting me and supporting my enemies then you are not worthy of being my friend, online or offline.

I only have relatively few friends on here as I have had decades of bitter experiences with cruel and spiteful people. I really don't want or need anymore. Thank you!

Me: Yes they can! What blows my mind is how frequently I keep attracting them. Almost wish I had died on 22 August. I can't seem to stop constant cascading traumas and psychopaths from entering my life.

Louise Winton: How horrible of this person. Shame on this person to do this

Sally Castle: Who IS this woman Bev anyway??

Me: The breeder I bought little Alcide from.

Julie Goddard: what an absolute asshole thing to do , who ever this person is seriously needs to take a good look at their own life and behavior . I am sorry that a so called friend is doing this to you Tanya , They probably sitting back reading all this and smirking coz their own pathetic life is not worth writing about ..

Me: Agreed Julie x

…

Still getting messages from Bev who seems to still see my page. I am not afraid of this woman. I did nothing wrong. I will see her in court. She states she is selling her house so that is why the P O Box. Dodgy dodgy excuses all the way. Ever heard of mail redirection?

I will let the police and/or courts find her, and her little puppy farm anywhere. Keep threatening me Bev and keep profiteering off people's emotions and trauma. Facebook Pomeranian pages that slander good people who did the right thing by Alcide make you look to be the guilty one. Ever thought of that?

Sherry Paris: Tell her you'll be sending all information to her residence via another type of messenger and she'll be signing to receive it. Tell her you don't do p.o boxes.. Scammers do p.o boxes.

Me: Not so much money greedy as epically spiteful. This was never about money until a crisis hit and Alcide got sick in the first 4 days and I used the last of my money to get him pain relief and a consultation but could not afford further treatment.

So with a heavy heart, and doubts "Trust me, I am your friend" always a Tell that a sociopath is about to screw me over, I let Bev's sister take Alcide on a 2 hour trip back to Gympie knowing he was not well but had no choice.

Bev did not inform me he got well the very next day but instead slandered me in Facebook and is now suing me. So she wants to punish me for her own bullshit.

I should never have let Alcide go back to her. But she emotionally manipulated me, saying I would never forgive myself if he died. She knows she lives in a Parvo area which if you google it Gympie's Parvo rate is 6000 per cent higher. Wtf??? So my locum vet misdiagnosed him with Parvo based on his sniffle, weakness and lumpy bowel. How was I to know that he would be healthy the next day??

She was so quick to refund me the money I paid for him and my vet. Knowing she would keep him from me.

My heart is broken but even more so knowing that she does not really love her dogs. It is all about asserting herself over the vulnerable and trusting.

It all leaves a very bad taste in my mouth.

Sherry Paris: She isn't going to sue you. If she Was, She Should have never accepted the dog back. Now relax and forget her. Un friend and block her. Quit letting her influence your happiness! Don't make me send Julie over to smack you! Lol

Me: Just blocked her. Sick at heart from this awful woman.

Terina Edwards: What goes around comes around xxx she'll get hers she'll meet the wrong person and she won't know what's hit her. Keep your chin high and keep acting with integrity like you always do. Your a classy lady who always tries her best xx

Me: Thanks Terina xxx

1 December 2014

Yessirree! That's my Baby!!! Love her to bits!

…

I just took my car to my beautiful baby's house. (She took me back home!)

She has work at New York Film Academy, teaching Phonetics. So I will be carless until Wed night.

So if you want me...come and get me! Lmao

…

I am very excited. My prayers have been heard and answered. Baby steps in the direction of my heart. I have been shown I am on the right path. Now all I have to do is, be patient. Good times are a-coming!

1 December 2013

…

7 am. Finally lying in bed resting after a big weekend dancing. Foot sore but getting better. No alcohol due to antibiotics so last night's outing was inexpensive. Phew.

Sarah took me to a new venue called Sabotage which was classy and quirky at same time. I loved the gentlemen's leather lounges and the mix of different music.

We danced wildly and joyously with 3 lovely gay guys. That was the most fun but we had also moshed wildly at The Elephant Arms to Alter Egos.

I am so happy that I went out even though I had to dance in my flat ungainly but really trendy Birkenstocks all weekend and was surprised how I still managed to dance with my sore foot!

Sarah gave me some lovely dresses too. Very happy and grateful Woman here!

1 December 2012

Dancing tonight again! This time with Flat summer sandals! Feet are still objecting to yesterday's efforts in my gorgeous sexy high-heeled Docs. I miss them already but will give my feet a rest from compression obsession lol!

…

Big night dancing at casino last night! Had a great time, had only one JD all night as was broke but it's cool dancing sober and observing the interactions between people. Lol. Came home at 4 am. Just woke up.

I went to my doctor yesterday and was alarmed that I have not lost any weight after all the dancing the past few months! Hmmm. Will have to cut down on fried food, cakes and lollies! Wahhhh!

My cholesterol is up to 7.7. So major dietary changes in order. Meanwhile I will keep dancing in the weekends even though I am exhausted all week after. I'm thinking if no weightloss I might tone instead. Time will tell!

1 December 2011

I've had a happy day and done the housework so will have a clean fresh start to the Weekend! I'm glad the storm finally broke through as the oppressive barometric pressure was causing havoc with me but I feel so much better now!

…

Yesterday I was schvitzing like a hog and really suffering from the heat and tonight, I am actually cold! It's nice to be cooler but these temp extremes are guaranteed to make everyone sick!

…

Lyn and I went to Coorpooroo RSL for lunch. Lyn won me beer in a raffle and I was so happy then we went to play Pokies and Lyn won $10. A lucky happy day!

Tomorrow Miss Bella Rosa Arons is having her fur clipped at Canine Castle! She will be so relieved and much cooler!

1 December 2010

Very triggered emotionally by redoing affadavit of which majority will not be sent to Court....so Whyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy? Good news is that my new lawyer has lodged originating application so I can see he is taking action and working hard for me...so there's a lightttttttttttttttt that may illuminate my entire worldview and not be just another train at the end of my neverending tunnel.

…

Today I had a nice sleep with my window open behind me, listening to the teeming rain. It was so cosy and comforting. I heard a wonderful mimicking bird outside my window so I went outside to look for a lyre bird but could only see a large magpie sheltering under the eaves next to my bedroom window.

1 December 2009

is furious and disappointed that NIDA told Crystal that her work is faultless but they still didn't have a place for her! What a bunch of Schmucks!

Copyright Tanya Désirée Arons