Listening To My Thoughts

December 4, 2025

I have not been writing for a while. I had a lot going on over the past few months that hindered my creative mind. My PTSD regarding my ex-husband. I read a lot of books to help me through my dealings with my abusive husband. I had my genuine validation when he was sentenced to 15 years by a judge last year.

Last month, I had a court date with my ex-husband; he did not even serve me properly for it. I did not break any law, but I had to endure him asking me the same question over and over again, which was out of the scope of the case he supposedly filed.

If I listen to my thoughts, it may give the judge the right to dismiss the case without prejudice. I have retained a paid attorney. I am not mentally equipped to handle the legal paperwork for this case. I also had memories of the physical, mental, financial, and emotional abuse in that marriage. Having to deal with it over and over again was not a merry-go-round I chose to try to avoid.

Thankfully, I had the option to choose a video or phone court date in this case. I chose the phone because seeing him would bring back bad memories. I had a physical response from seeing my ex-husband, hyperfitalation or body shakes. No matter how much positive self-talk I gave myself, I would still have body shakes in the past.

If some people are jealous of my life and want it, they would be sadly disappointed. I would not wish my life on anyone. I had to read a lot of books and seek help from the right people to get to the freedom I have now.

Getting help from the wrong source can indeed put your life in so many setbacks. The best mentor I had was my grandparents and spiritual guides. Life can be a maze if you keep making the wrong decisions and not listening to your inner wisdom.

Wants and needs are two different things. I need peace, and that's where I am at now, self-care. I used to put everyone before myself. Now, I think of my needs first. That does not mean I stop helping in my community, or when someone needs help, I will ignore them. I know my limits and capacity without losing myself in the process.

I have a new primary, and I do not have a good feeling about this person. You have to choose a primary care provider who is a good fit for your health needs. I need a primary care provider who can explain things to me in layperson's terms, not just give me prescriptions.

Yes, this story title reflects my thoughts. My story is about how I listen to my thoughts. Sometimes, when I do not like my thoughts. I turn to music to suppress my thoughts. Music sometimes gives me better vibrations about what's going on, or reflects them.

I really do not like it when my fear thoughts get the best of me. It feels like I am frozen in time. I have to get help outside myself. My thoughts can no longer serve me when I am in a fearful state of mind. I feel like I am in a state of paralysis. When you are in a State of paralysis, you have to wait until your body is in sync with your mind.

I have not been able to write lately because my mind has felt paralyzed. I had to find a way to get back in the groove again. This is my start in avoiding negative thoughts.

Madonna , Into The Goove (official Video)