Less than Two Weeks

In one of my last entries I talked about a solo trip that I had planned for myself. It was all booked on a whim, but somehow out of all the times I've tried to book this trip this is the one time just about everything seemed to fall into place. Maybe that is why I am so scared, because I am always used to things not working out. That it feels weird for something to actually workout. I am worried about judgment, which I think is a big lesson for me in all of this. I aspire to be one of those people that truly lives life for themselves without any worry of what others think or if they are they only ones supporting themselves.

This trip is coming forth at a time when I've just moved back in with my parents. All i keep thinking is are they going to have something to say about me spending money on this trip, which while I am well into adult hood these are literal thoughts that cross my mind. Deep in my heart and soul though I know I need this, and I keep reminding myself of that. I know that if I don't go I will regret it, like I have in the past with so many things I ran away from due to fear of the unknown.

When I was younger anytime I would travel or do something I always saw the bright side of things. I would think of all the endless possibilities of amazing things that could happen because of this trip. Fast forward years later and I've done a complete 180. I think you can only endure so much from the world before something flips in your brain. Or maybe it's just me and my brain, but traveling has become more stressful than fun. I also realize though I prefer going to calmer places, versus going to amusement parks and just overcrowded places these days. I guess I finally reached that age where unnecessary noises bother me LOL! Or it's just where I am at mentally right now I need the calm environments over the crazy (I'll say anything to avoid admitting I am getting old)!

I am excited for the experience and I have hope that I will come back not only feeling refreshed but with a better mindset. One of my goals too is to continue to work on my story. It's been quite a few months since I've really even written ideas that I've head let alone work on a chapter. With all the distractions maybe the change up in location and no chaos will bring some inspiration. Maybe this is honestly a start of a whole new adventure in my life entirely I don't know. So many things to thing about while also trying not to have any expectations at all.

All of this to say I wanted to write this one for myself, so when I come back from this trip I have something to look back and reflect on. I can look at what I accomplished or what went better or worse than I expected. I also wanted for anyone that reads it that is feeling similar in their life to know they aren't alone. I feel like we all get caught up in what "the way of life" is. Forgetting that at the end of the day we have control over OUR life. Everyone faces different circumstances and challenges but I feel a lot of unhappiness stems from (at least for me) always just accepting things because we are told "that's just life."

While yes there are things that all of us humans must deal with and face because it's apart of life there is a lot that we deal with because a society has deamed that is just the way of things. But that is why so many of us are filled with sadness and depression because our life didn't turn out the way we though or the way society set up for us. So now what? For me its finding out what makes me happy, and sparks joy in my life again. I hope all of you out there are able to do the same, regardless of judgment.