It's Only Up From Here

1/365

I used to think that starting something new required me to actually begin at the start of something new. Almost as though starting over required something fresh, just to start off on the right foot. Like a new year, new month or at the very least - a Monday.

Well, hi. I'm Hailey, it's actually a Wednesday and yet here I am, beginning.

I've wanted to start something like this for quite some time now. Every time I would actually go to begin though, I was met by my archenemy - fear.

But we'll get to that, shortly.

I'm not even entirely sure what it is i'm so afraid of when it comes to simply arriving as I am. I've always taken pride in the fact that for as long as I can remember, I've always known who I am. If there was one thing that little me was, it was sure of herself. Like really - for such a tiny human, she had a good head on her shoulders.

Recently though, during a rather hostile argument, a friend of mine said something i've been thinking about since.

"You care too much about what people think of you, to be an entirely honest person"

ouch.

I could feel the truth in the words she was spewing and despite my anger - I knew she was right. For so long now, i've cared more about what others think of me, than what I actually think of myself. I knew I had been struggling but I guess I didn't really take the time to see how much of myself I'd lost along the way. It all kind of felt like a slap back to reality.

Heading down the rabbit hole of self reflection lead me to the corridor of my dreams. There, in the deepest parts of my soul, were all of the hopes and dreams little me stored and held on to. The places I hoped to go, the life I hoped to have, was all around me. And yet despite how beautiful it all was, it was just there - collecting dust.

I was suddenly cripplingly aware of all the promises I made myself that I had yet to fulfill. All the opportunities around me that I was too scared to take. All the times I was so afraid of things out of my control, that I let them control me.

In all honesty, I became so comfortable in my routine that I completely forgot how it felt to be wildly uncomfortable, in the best way possible. Like putting your arms up before the rollercoaster drops, even though it's scary. You do it anyway because you trust by the end of the ride, you'll have had the best time ever. I've been missing that.

At some point life has a way of getting to us all. One way or another we all to some degree find ourselves stuck in a routine or even thought patterns. In my case I found myself suppressing my true desires and subconsciously choosing to stay stagnant out of fear.

I'm at a point where I can confidently say, I'm ready to go to the next level. To truly level up! I'm ready to chase my biggest dreams and to evolve to my highest self.

With that said, I also know in doing so, it's going to be scary. It's going to take hard work and reprogramming. It's going to take dedication and faith. Most importantly, it's going to take accountability and heart. All of which, I am so ready for.

So here I am. Starting day one of three hundred and sixty five days. Three hundred and sixty five opportunities to (God willingly) seize every single moment.

I'm going to take you on my journey of levelling up and evolving. I'm going to share with you, every single day along the way! You'll have the chance (should you choose) to share in my highs, lows and everything in between. Who knows, maybe along the way, you'll decide to go for it too?

Either way, it's going to be one hell of a ride.

See you tomorrow,

- Hailey.