Do You Know About the Birds and the Bees?

NOT That! The actual bees and birds (baby ducks, to be specific).

This past week I've found the BIG things are too much to handle so I started considering the little things. Little things like the agony of small fluffy ducks (I'll explain) and the inspiration of hovering bumble bees (also: explanation on the way).

Baby Ducks

The horror that is a raft of adorable baby ducks became evident to me back in the 1990's, when I was a trainer for Waldenbooks (a now-defunct US bookstore chain that once totaled over 1,000 stores across all 50 states. I think it jumped the shark the first time, before it was purchased by Kmart and spun off with Borders Books & Music, when it changed its motto to 'Hot & Easy'. I mean, OK- I get the marketing angle [newest stuff and convenient], but it was awkward AF to have that on your nametag over your name. I digress).

Training for managers, part II, was held over a week in hotels central to the store attendees. For our region that often meant in New York. Many times we stayed at a chain that featured small rubber duckies in the bathroom nestled close to the soap dish. I am pretty sure it was a Hampton Inn (that's because I Googled 'hotels that give away rubber ducks in bathrooms, and Hampton Inn came up right away, so I am going with it). One rubber duck is cute. Two rubber ducks (side note: it is alarmingly easy to hit the 'i' instead of the 'u' when writing 'duck'. In case I have not corrected all of these mistakes, please be aware that no adult toys were left in the bathrooms by the cleaning staff. Not that I know of, anyway)- ahem: two rubber ducks meant a mistake made in your favor.

People were still, ducks aside, not keen on actually taking a bath over a shower during their stay. I found this out due to the informal discussion after breakfast when I infiltrated the smoker's get-together standing just outside the front entrance. It is, indeed, a valid point. The older I get the less likely I am to swim in a hotel pool, too, so maybe avoiding lounging in a smaller tub of water at a hotel was just setting the trend.

What happened is that the ducks started appearing everywhere and anyplace at anytime during the meeting. Lined up on window sills, stuck the ends of pens, clipped to nametag lanyards. One by one they were cute, maybe even adorable.

But for someone standing at the front of the room and facilitating the subject they were... creepy. Those unblinking beady eyes. The way the all sort of crouched there, resting before they swarmed (ducks swarm, don't they?) Each duckling, on its own, was manageable. Negligible. A moment in time.

That's when I created the Baby Duck Principle and the way it correlates with the One Quick Question Ruse and the Oh By The Way Fallacy. It goes like this:

One real life baby duck is sweet. It's also harmless; their rounded little bills can't hurt you (unlike a chicken!), they just bump up against you. Just like One More Thing and One Quick Question: they are fleeting moments and easily encountered before you move on. BUT! A bunch, a raft, a SWARM of baby ducks running at your ankles and hitting your feet with those bills? They will break the skin, they will trip you, derail you, break you. You will become mired in baby ducks/questions/things. All progress will stop. Beware and Be Prepared for the 'Baby Ducks' in your life and don't let them take you down.

But... Bees Did I Forget About Bees?

Here's the thing about bees: they need a better PR team. There are lies. LIES, I tell you! There are lies that bees shouldn't be able to fly due to their size and weight.

These lies were traced back to the 1930, where a French entomologist said that their flight was impossible (even though they do, in fact, fly) because of the way the moved their wings. Not content at this gross inaccuracy, the bee's then-PR team found two unlikely allies in spreading that miscommunication in later years: Joan Rivers and Jerry Seinfeld.

I'll explain.

In 2017 the move Bee Movie came out and the whole thing started with this inspiring set-up:

"According to all known laws of aviation, there is no way that a bee should be able to fly. Its wings are too small to get its fat little body off the ground. The bee, of course, flies anyways. Because bees don't care what humans think is impossible." - Bee Movie

The plucky bees are shown overcoming this (false) challenge and zipping all over the place. Kids loved the film, and their moms took them there because Joan Rivers and QVC had already paved the road. You see, Joan Rivers was ever-so-much-more than a comedian- she was an entrepreneur with a very successful clothing and jewelry line. Among the most collectible pieces of jewelry were the Joan Rivers Bee Pins.

This explanation is still visible on the QVC page for Joan's original bee pin replica:

"Joan Rivers shared the inspiration behind her signature bee pins with her dear friend, David Dangle. Although bees are not aerodynamically suited for flight, they manage to buzz around, pollinating the world. That's why they're viewed as achieving the impossible, just as Joan Rivers did."

As a retail bookstore area manager, I received a sales goal in the late 1990's that made my hair stand on end. My area was in Pennsylvania and it was a time when the steel mills were being demolished and life was looking grim. Heck, even the Pittsburgh Steelers hadn't won a Super Bowl since 1979. It was my job to pump up and motivate the store managers and assure them they could meet this impossible goal.

Enter the bees.

I needed something affordable, iconic, and relatable. The fact that bees scared the heck out of me was beside the point. I bought honeycomb-bearing cards, yellow pompoms and black pipe cleaners, Bit-o-Honey candies, a Winnie the Pooh ('cause bears love honey), and kicked off our quest for the Impossible Dream with a bang.

It's impossible? Of course it is! Does that matter? NO! We are BEES! WE CAN DO IT! WATCH US FLY!

And, bless their hearts, they were all in. We had a Bee-Motivated newsletter, Bee the Best, Don't Get Stung, and I can't remember what all. I had socks with bees. Stickers with bees. There is no theme that I can't beat to death in my march for inspiration. And- the truth? Many of the stores did 'be(e)at' their goals and earned a tidy bonus as well.

The Birds and the Bees saw me through over 24 years of being a bookseller, and even though these ideas were each based on something weird, I remember them fondly.

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