Coffee? Tea? Who- ME?

I was ‘counseled’ after a regional meeting because I offered to get others coffee when I was going for some myself.

It makes me appear weak, I was told. Subservient. I was to wait for coffee to be brought to me. Here’s the thing: I wanted coffee. I knew others wanted coffee. Coffee happened.

Could I have gotten all NLP and exerted enough cues to have someone bring me coffee? Probably. I know how that works.

But why would I have done that?

Just because you know influential tactics doesn’t mean you need to use them at every turn in the road. Or for every cup of coffee.

Subliminal Tactics

I know the power seat in a meeting room. It doesn’t mean I take that seat it in every meeting I call.

(Power seat in a conference room: It's the seat at the head of the table that faces the door. People enter the door and come face to face with you.

Power Seat for one on one: sit directly across from the person- they can't look away.)

I know how to adjust the dynamics of a meeting by arriving early and taking the seat that faces the entrance. Doesn’t mean I always do that, either.

I understand the use of body language, and the subtleties of placing items on the table in front of me in an aggressive manner.

I’ve studied the power moves to hone nonverbal communication cues advocated by Tony Robbins.

But just because I know all of these things doesn’t mean that I can’t show empathy, kindness, and servant leadership by getting other people coffee.

Kindness and Empathy Have Their Own Power

There is joy in a moment spent doing something for others. There is also as essential hit of dopamine. A chance to catch a breath and clear the mind. And, in my case, a much-needed jolt of caffeine.

I’m grateful that someone cared enough to give me counsel. And, 20-some years later it obviously hit home because I think of it from time to time.

But I’ve chosen not to follow it. I am the person that will bring you a coffee. I am a person that knows my own worth, too. Validation is pleasant, but I won’t chase it. Because, in the end, validation is really only needed to save on parking tickets.

I do prefer to practice Servant Leadership, which has, at its base, the desire to see to the wellbeing of the group and individuals, those being served, rather than exclusively on the server.

It's a philosophy of empowering and developing others to their fullest, which in turn improves both performance and relationships within the team. Does this mean that I am weak? Not at all. It takes confidence to be a servant, as well as a secure knowledge of one's own worth and ability.

Anyone can be indifferent, anyone can turn a blind eye to the needs of others and instead gauge their own worth by the deference with which others treat them. It takes surety and compassion to lead through serving.

Oh, and by-the-way: it turns out that providing someone a warm drink to hold while you are talking to them is one of the 12 steps in the article below on how to persuade people and a way to “subconsciously make them feel like you’re an emotionally warm, likable and welcoming person.”

Hopefully, that impression is substantial and I live up to that impression in my dealing with people.

Now; would you like cream and sugar with that?

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Here's a suggestion for anyone to do at least once a year. NOW is a good idea!

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(This content was originally posted by the author on Medium.)