Bingo, New Appliances, & Passport Stamps

Dear MF’n Diary,

In exactly three Fridays the boy will be headed back to campus. And I couldn’t be more excited. Not just for me and the diminishing expectation of meals & groceries. But for him, too.

You see, for him, that one school year gave him this ‘freedom’. Something that at 19, he doesn’t quite have when he’s at home.

When he’s at my house, he has to be home at a respectable time. Those dorm room & campus ‘shenanigans’, aht aht, not in my house.

Listen, I’m all for him having the college experience… at college.

Excited for him, honestly.  

But I do think his individual experience takes our mother/son relationship to another level, naturally. And while I do miss my son when he’s away, get mad when he doesn’t answer my phone calls, feel some type of way when he talks of spending his summers in Carbondale…

My pocketbook & I are in fact ready to miss him.

For my pocketbook, it’s not just about food. It’s also the electric bill, the gasoline for my car…

For me, if I’m being honest, the wallet isn’t actually free when he’s on campus. I’m still paying tuition, still putting money in his account, still buying his necessities.

For me, it’s time to take advantage of not having to…

Not having to come home right after work & cook dinner. Not having to use my PTO so I can leave work early to get to his school events. Not having to prioritize need over want, to a certain extent.

You see, even though summertime chi will be over in a blink of an eye, I’m back outside. Not like 20/30-year-old me, the mid 40’s version.

Happy hour stops after work.

R&B Bingo mid-week.

Day drinking & brunching on the weekends.

Who knows, might even find a Mr. & start dating.

It’s time that I start to prioritize me, again. That doesn’t mean I’m not there when the boy needs me, it just means it’s time to balance that scale.

My job search has even shifted. These days, I’m intentionally pursuing roles that require travel—some up to 80% of the time—and honestly, I’m excited about it. Cause why TF not?!

Who knows? Once the boy graduates, I may decide to relocate. Until then, what better way to explore new cities, states, & regions than having my job pay me to do it? Sounds like a win-win to me.

We’re both looking forward to experiencing uncharted waters. While he’s stalking 21 so he can do all things grown man. I’m excited about new appliances & passport stamps.

Yes, you read that right. I want to update my condo one room at a time & take all-inclusive trips. And yes, I have Pinterest boards & Amazon lists for both.

I’m at a point where, while I still may have questions, I also know what I want. I want for my son to go off to college, live his best Greek life, while pursuing his degree in Architecture.

Me? I want to move for as long as my knees would allow. New destinations—work or pleasure. I don’t want to age with regrets. Wishing I hadn’t passed on a job, taken that trip, or bought that coffee maker with the milk frother.  

You see, society-proper would have you believe that you’re supposed to have it all figured out at my big age. Or that once you have kids, it’s all about them—and to a certain extent, it is. But, at what point in their lives does your life become a priority again?

For me, it’s now.

--A Word with Kai