Being a Carer

As my girlfriend has just posted her story of being a carer I thought I would add mine. I am much older than her and have a lot more experience so our views may have as many differences as similarities. I raised two disabled children who needed extra care, this gave me an interest in being a carer. Unfortunately, I was in a marriage filled with bills and couldn’t afford the drop-in income. It was only after the marriage ended that I could afford to be a carer and I still am 7 years later. I have worked with every possible age from birth to a lady of 103 years old so have varied experience.

One constant is poor pay for a very hard job, this applies to all forms of care. It’s a vocation rather than a job to earn a wage. You cannot do the job well unless you want to help and care for people.

There are some roles that are easier than others but nearly all care home work and care in the community work is hard, badly paid, and stressful. There can be challenging behaviours, hard work, and too much to do in too little time. The people you care for tend to be thankful for your efforts when they can understand what’s going on. Unfortunately, when they have a mental health issue then they can exhibit challenging behaviour.

This behaviour is a way of communication when regular conversation isn’t possible. Usually it shows anger, boredom, or need for attention. It can manifest through violence, shouting, undressing, and smearing of bodily fluids. Al' things that a carer gets used to dealing with on a daily basis. In fact, I dealt with all of these things today.

In order to be a carer you have to have enormous patience, more patience, and some more patience. You can’t react to the verbal abuse or physical abuse in any way as you are the only one who will get into trouble. If someone you care for attacks you then you can make it a police matter. The first thing they will do is find out if your attacker has the mental capacity to understand what they have done. I have been left bleeding many times but nothing has been done or ever will be.

Through with all the frustrations you do have high points. Talking to an elderly patient about their life story can be very interesting. People with dementia can regress many years in their mental state so they often talk about their history as if it was happening today. Also getting a disabled person to say their name or write their name can be rewarding for both of you. I think my eldest was in his teens before he could write his name so it could be read, a massive thing for him and his parents.

As a carer and a parent of disabled kids I know a fair bit about the care system, as well as the need for patience you have to be able to cope with loss. This happens in many areas of care but obviously more in elderly care. I saw my first deceased patient nearly three years ago. I went into the room knowing he was there to see if I could cope. I was able to accept he had been well cared for and had passed away from his advanced dementia. Since then I have seen around 10 deceased patients and recently cleaned my first deceased client. Again, I wanted to see if I could manage moving a dead person to clean them. I found it hard at first but knew she was better off as had been very ill.

This may seem a very doom and gloom outlook on being a carer but if you find the right role with the right clients it’s a rewarding job. Pay is lousy, management can be demanding and you can lose people you care for. Have the right attitude and it’s a good job for the right person.