Bad timing.

After college, I decided to explore the job market and try different ways to generate income. I was working for a mobile meat company (the ones with freezers in the back of their trucks). Everyday, we would look at a map of the state and pick a random place to drive to sell the meat from the back of our truck.

We decided on a town that was about 2.5 hours from us. On the way to this town, we stopped to get Dairy Queen. They had a $5 meal with a huge sundae at the end! We devoured these meals.

There were two of us in a tiny Toyota pick up truck they referred to as ‘The Silver Bullet’. There was a deep freezer in the back filled with meat and dry ice.

We get to this country town and pull up to the first house. The way It usually worked was for one person to go pitch one house while the other person went to a house nearby. Well, we were in the country and the houses were too spread out for me to walk with large cases of meat to the next house. I decided to wait on my coworker to finish at this house and I would just go pitch the next house we drive past.

My coworker goes into this house with windows covering the entire front of the house. I can’t see inside because we are a little ways down the driveway. My stomach starts bubbling. Bad.

I start to panic because I’m really limited on resources here. The silver bullet was a stick shift, so leaving was out of the picture. I was clinching up in pain trying not to shit myself. Trying to decide my next move, I grabbed a huge clear plastic cup that had a tiny bit of ice still in the bottom and let loose.

I was really scared the cup was going to overflow, I was going to get It on the carpet or myself, and that my coworker might walk out of this house at any moment. So I finished and when I move the cup, I realized that I did get it on the carpet of the truck. Great.

Scavenging between my things I found a small bottle of perfume. Of course there’s half a spray left which did nothing. I had to wipe myself clean with three cheap napkins. I got myself all cleaned up and tried to clean the carpet up the best I could.

At this point, I have a huge clear cup full of shit sitting in my lap. My clouded mind decided that shoving other trash in this cup might help hide the fact that it’s full of shit. Napkins and random food trash I still had from Dairy Queen get shoved into the cup.

I looked up from trying to hide this and my coworker is coming out of this house with a whole entire family. I panicked. I open my door and put the cup under the car by the tire so they wouldn’t find It until we left.

My coworker gets in the car and gives me a look. “It stinks like shit in here. Oh my God.” He said. I tried to play It off, “ I know! I think they have a sewage issue here..” .

We were about to pull away when a kid comes running towards the truck from the house. He grabbed the big clear cup full of shit and trash. My heart completely dropped. I was new at this company and didn’t want my coworker telling everybody. He tells me I must’ve dropped it and hands It to me. I thanked him while trying to hide this cup between myself and the door so that my coworker wouldn’t see It.

“What is that?” He asked. I lied and told him that I had gathered the trash from the truck and It must’ve fallen out when I opened my door.

We drove off and as we were driving, he’s complaining about the whole town smelling like shit. We drove past a large wooded area and I tossed the shit cup out the window. I pissed my new coworker off because he thought I was littering. He threatened to take me back and make me pick It up. Thankfully, we went on with our lives. My friends tell their friends this story about me now.