50 Stupid Jokes
I used to be addicted to the hokey pokey…
… but then I turned myself around.
What’s the most terrifying word in nuclear physics?
“Oops!”
“Um.” —First horse that got ridden.
I was wondering why the ball kept getting bigger and bigger…
And then it hit me.
I got fired from my job at the bank today.
An old lady came in and asked me to check her balance, so I pushed her over.
What did Batman say to Robin before they got in the car?
“Robin, get in the car.”
Sometimes I tuck my knees into my chest and lean forward.
That’s just how I roll.
A man got hit in the head with a can of Coke.
Thank goodness it was a soft drink.
Have you heard the one about the bad pole-vaulter?
It never goes over very well.
Two fish are in a tank. One says to the other, “Do you know how to drive this thing?”
Never criticize someone until you’ve walked a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, they won’t be able to hear you from that far away. Plus, you’ll have their shoes.
The shovel was a ground-breaking invention.
What do you call cheese that isn’t yours? Nacho Cheese.
Want to hear a joke about construction?
I’m still working on it.
What do you call an elephant that doesn’t matter?
An irrelephant.
Dad, can you put my shoes on?
No, I don’t think they’ll fit me.
What do you call a fake noodle?
An Impasta.
The world tongue-twister champion just got arrested.
I hear they’re gonna give him a really tough sentence.
I own the world’s worst thesaurus.
Not only is it awful, it’s awful.
So what if I don’t know what “Armageddon” means?
It’s not the end of the world.
What’s the difference between a good joke and a bad joke timing.
Don’t you hate it when someone answers their own questions?
I do.
If I got 50 cents for every failed math exam, I’d have $ 6.30 now.
Some people just have a way with words, and other people … oh … not have way.
I don’t want to brag, but I do speak pig Latin; I mean, I’m not fluent, but I’m sure if I ever went there, I could get by.
My girlfriend and I often laugh about how competitive we are.
But I laugh more.
What’s red and shaped like a bucket?
A blue bucket painted red.
What do you call a fish with no eye?
Fssshh.
Why do you smear peanut butter on the road?
To go with the traffic jam.
I still remember what my grandpa said right before he kicked the bucket:
“How far do you think I can kick this bucket?”
What’s the stupidest animal in the jungle?
A polar bear
A limbo champion walks into a bar
They are disqualified.
Where did Napoleon keep his armies?
In his sleevies.
What is Harry Potter’s favorite method of getting down a hill?
Walking… jk, rolling.
What’s E.T. short for?
Because he’s got little legs.
Why did Snoop Dogg need an umbrella?
Fo’ Drizzle.
Two dyslexics walk into a bra.
What’s brown, hairy and wears sunglasses?
A coconut on vacation!
What’s white and can’t climb trees?
A fridge.
What do you call a bear with no teeth?
A gummy bear.
I never wanted to believe that my Dad was stealing from his job as a road worker.
But when I got home, all the signs were there.
What’s the difference between roast beef and pea soup?
Anyone can roast beef but nobody can pee soup!
What’s the difference between a cat and a complex sentence?
A cat has claws at the end of its paws. A complex sentence has a pause at the end of its clause.
My grandfather has the heart of a lion…
…and a lifetime ban from the New York City Zoo.
What’s green and has wheels?
Grass. I lied about the wheels.
A communist joke isn’t funny…
… unless everyone gets it.
What’s green, fuzzy, and would hurt if it fell on you out of a tree?
A pool table.
Why can’t you hear a Pterodactyl go to the bathroom?
Because the pee is silent.
Cosmetic surgery used to be such a taboo subject.
Now you can talk about Botox and nobody raises an eyebrow.
What do you call someone who immigrated to Sweden?
Artificial Swedener.
I’m terrified of elevators…
… so I’m going to start taking steps to avoid them.
About the Creator
Mark
I love reading & sharing knowledge
https://bit.ly/3mJXW3a
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