Who I Am

The challenge is to write a 'Who I Am' piece and I have been putting it off because I don't know what to write. Which is weird, since I have been around me longer than anyone I know.

I tried crowd-sourcing the information, turning to Facebook and asking people to give me five things about myself. It was wonderfully affirming, which says more to me about my friends than it does about me, I am afraid.

I'll give it a go.

Who I was

Born in Pennsylvania in 1960, my early life was chaotic. My mother died in 1963, fracturing our small family and leaving my father to parent two children aged 3 and 2. I think I look like a mix of my mother and father and I wish I remembered more about her. I wrote about it here.

My father remarried and I am the oldest of five children. None of us stay in touch, and my father later died of suicide when he was 72 years old. I write more about him than I realized. That short time of my life, only a third of my life as seen against my current age, is something I am learning to understand, accept, and heal.

I married at 19, once it was clear that, despite a very good high school record and a small scholarship, I would not be going to college even though that had been my aim, my motivation, and my goal. As my father said 'how stupid could you possibly be to think that was going to happen?' So I went to work, found a guy, and got married.

Within six years I had two daughters, and to this day I believe they are the best accomplishment of my life. The fact that they are both in loving, caring marriages and raising amazing sons is totally their doing, however. I am glad they broke the pattern of mental terror and anxiety. My wonder and pride in them and their accomplishments are endless. And they are best friends, which is something I didn't even dare to dream, especially as I have no idea how that is possible and have no first-hand knowledge of such. Together they have six sons, so I am a grandmother of six.

Our 24 year marriage had at least eight good years. Eventually I agreed with my husband, that if he was going to date he should probably not be married to me. After the divorce I left Pennsylvania for Michigan. For the first time in my life, at 42 years old, I was alone.

Me at Work

The places I've worked had a great influence on me. My first job, the one I found right out of high school, was washing tables and dishes in an employee cafeteria in downtown Pittsburgh. I had a brief job as a telemarketer that ended in a rather terrifying way, which I wrote about here. From there I worked at a college, and a few years later briefly at a deli before I found a work home and family among books.

For 24 years I worked at Waldenbooks/Borders Books and Music. I started as the mythic 12 hour a week bookseller, hired I later found out as holiday help, and kept on afterwards. (whew! I had no idea I was holiday help!) The 17 years I worked in the stores included, besides bookseller, event coordinator, assistant manager, manager, district trainer, and area manager. The last 7 years were in the Operations department in the corporate offices in Michigan, where I've lived since 2003.

I can write, and would prefer to write, chapters about my time at Waldenbooks and Borders. Maybe I will someday. I know that when my job was eliminated in 2010 I was plunged into grief as deep, if not deeper, than when I was divorced. The one thing that I could count on, that I knew I did well, the work family I had built, and the worth that I equated with who I am: all were gone. When the company itself closed two years later I mourned it all over again.

I coped the same way I did when I was 17 and learned that my future was not to be the way I thought it would be: I threw myself into whatever came next: that turned out to be a new job... and going to college. It took me 4 years to finish school online while working full-time and learning a new career.

In the past 12 years I've worked for two furniture companies, both driven into the ground by private equity companies and poor decisions. In between that I've also gotten ordained and perform weddings, funerals, baptisms; all for people that may not have a regular spiritual practice but want to mark the milestones in their lives. That's why I call what I do Milestones Ministry. One of the many things I enjoy is creating custom ceremonies and vows for the couples. So: writing, again!

I am now working for Binc, a non-profit that helps book and comic shop employees and owners that experience unexpected financial hardships. Reinventing myself, and still writing as I am the Communications and Project Manager. I think this may be Judey version 6.0, and that's just fine with me.

Me and Words

Books and reading have been a constant in my life. You can read more about that here:

I've played with writing off and on; like many girls I would start a diary in January only to end the year with more empty pages than filled. Somewhere I have a diary with about 10 years of fits and starts, where I just kept starting over and over again. Why waste a perfectly good book?

When my daughters were little I moved from diary to the occasional journaling, writing them letters I would never give them, a few poems, and much later write to keep my grip on life as my marriage was unraveling. That same reach for a written touchstone happened when Facebook came about: my profile has several Facebook 'notes' that I wrote to myself as my time at Borders ended. I also started two blogs on WordPress.

This year, as a brief time as Sr. Director of Operations and Customer Experience at a failing company wound down, I looked to do more with my writing and found Vocal. This will be my 90th post on the platform, and I am grateful for the tools and exposure that Vocal has made available to me.

Because it's what I do, just a few months after writing on Vocal I went for Vocal+ and on the same day started a Facebook group for Vocal creators AND people that like to read: The Vocal Creator Support Group. Through that group I've met many talented and caring people that encourage each other to stretch and develop as writers. As of today I am in 26 different Facebook groups for Vocal writers, although I struggle to remain engaged with that many I don't want to leave!

I also have found an unexpected bonus on Facebook Vocal groups: admins that collaborate, build each other up, and serve as sounding boards. I wasn't counting on that and it has enriched the experience 10-fold. Some amazing things have come to life through these people, such as the online magazine The Vocal Creators Chronicle, for which I am a columnist. In fact, this post came about due to the encouragement of one of those admins!

This Summer I joined Medium and have found that it fills in areas on my writing journey that Vocal does not. I wrote about the differences in the two platforms and suggest that any Vocal creator add Medium to their portfolio! Here's what you need to know (and it also has an affiliate link should you want to join, to, at just $5 a month!)

Random Stuff

• Favorite Band: Train
• Favorite Quote: 'We are all of us angels with one wing, we can only fly by embracing one another.'- L. de Crescenzo
• What I Hope People Will Remember About Me: That I cared deeply and spoke the truth.
• What I Am Afraid People Will Remember About Me: That I once loved beautiful shoes to the point of obsession, and told the Banana and Opportunity Knocking stories during training.

So What's Next?

I have no idea.

I'll keep learning new things, like the WordPress course I am taking to better understand the website at work. I'll put in a bigger garden next year, and maybe can more of what we grow. Hopefully we will begin to travel more in the new year, for work and to see family, and maybe for my husband and I to have fun together. I think it's past time for that to happen!

It's also past time for me to figure out what book I will write. Pretty sure I have at least one in here somewhere, and also pretty sure it isn't fiction. I'm open to suggestions!

_

Please click on the heart below so I know this story clicked with you.

You can read more of my writing on Vocal here.

You can find me here on Medium.

You can join my Facebook group The Vocal Creators Support Group here.