Why George Santos Should Replace the Bald Eagle as the U.S. Mascot

Paramount to the stars, stripes, and AR-15s that denote America’s identity is the nation’s emblem. This symbol is iconically American to the greatest extent. It appears on currency, passports, and stamps. It encapsulates foundational national values. Clearly, the official U.S. emblem possesses an unparalleled level of eminence and authentic American spirit. Even cowboy attire looks unpatriotic in comparison.

So, imagine my horror when I discovered that it was a bird.

My unpleasant introduction to the bald eagle occurred in the second grade. Holding up a coloring page of the Great Seal, my teacher began explaining the symbolic significance of the pictured animal. I was not listening. There was nothing my teacher could say to rationalize this underwhelming creature’s status as our face of freedom. When I was given my own copy of the coloring page, I picked up my yellow and orange markers and set the bird’s head on fire.

As one would hope, my cognitive skills did improve after elementary school. I can proudly confirm that over a decade later, violent illustrations are no longer my primary coping mechanism. I can also confirm that I remain deeply skeptical of bald eagles. Perhaps for some, a vendetta against the national emblem would merely slip away and be forgotten as another ordinary childhood phase. I myself experienced a number of temporary hyper-fixations throughout my adolescence. However, unlike dragons, My Little Pony, and defamation of my sister, my dissatisfaction with my country’s symbol never began to feel futile. I ultimately had to accept that mythical creatures did not exist, and that claiming my sister stole my Halloween candy would not make my parents love her less than me. As my maturing brain perceived the idiocy of such obsessions, it simultaneously recognized the profundity of my seven year-old self’s standpoint on the bald eagle. Finally, I was ready to do something about it.

Despite my extensive practice with my sister, I quickly found defaming the creature to be ineffective. My claims that the species was the leading catalyst of air pollution, traffic collisions, and infant abductions seemed to just aggravate my audience, which typically consisted of my parents. I realized that vilifying the problem was pointless if I could not offer a solution.

On December first, 2023, I was sitting at home, analyzing my list of potential candidates for emblem. Unfortunately, it did not look very promising. “Steve Rogers” and “Tardigrade” were not necessarily unfitting for the role, but neither option compelled me. I decided a break was needed, and turned on the TV. Suddenly, my quintessential candidate was right in front of me.

George Anthony Devolder Santos was expelled from the House of Representatives in a 311-114 vote. Shockingly, 23 federal charges were enough to kick him out. And even more shockingly, this man had clearly been chasing the wrong career path his entire life. Where many saw a liar and a fraud, I saw potential, and a gleaming opportunity for my country.

First, consider the bald eagle’s identity. It’s very committed to a certain lifestyle: hunting for fish and flying in predictable circles. It lacks the fundamental adaptability our country demands. Santos, on the other hand, is the epitome of reinvention. Just take his habit of committing identity theft. In my eyes, what some view as pesky is a true American opportunity. One day he’s a star volleyball player, the next he‘s Jewish Catholic. Who knows, tomorrow he could be an astronaut, a veteran, or even a veteran-astronaut. Santos has unmatched versatility, able to take on any role we need without completely committing to one. Our political climate is far from consistent, why should our mascot be?

Furthermore, America is the “land of opportunity.” Of course, it’s no secret that not everyone sees it this way. Why? I blame the eagle. Our current emblem is not capable of refuting the cruciality of green cards and proof of residency. However, Santos represents the achievability of the American Dream. With just confidence and a willingness to bend the truth, Santos made it to the top, and back down. He demonstrated an ability to go both directions, a feat a close-minded winged creature would never understand. Santos is an encouraging and realistic portrayal of what it takes to succeed. 

The bald eagle is praised for its strength-a trait fundamental in American representation-but it lacks the complexity of true endurance. The bird can soar high, but throw a flying squirrel or tax audit its way, and it will no longer be able to navigate the skies, or the unpredictable American terrain. The eagle does not understand struggle, and consequently cannot appropriately endure the true challenges of America. Santos is a survivor of scandals, public scrutiny, and internet trolls. He has proved his resilience through consistently bouncing back. Would the eagle be singing Taylor Swift on Cameo if it was subjected to such odds? The eagle can only fly so high before it lands. Santos shows you can fall into the depths of Hell, but still rise back up, illustrating the vital value of endurance. 

Lastly, Santos’ controversial nature encourages critical thinking. Throw a monotone bird into elementary school curriculums, and children will default to praise. Teach them about George Santos, and they are given a catalyst for complex thought and self-reflection. If we want second graders reading at a fifth-grade level, we need to provide them with a multifaceted emblem, and avoid the blind patriotism of the eagle. Santos challenges us to question our values. His controversies, changing identities, and often outrageous statements force us to confront the complexity of America. Such introspection will never emerge from a bird. In a nation built on free thought, a symbol that provokes inquiry and reflection aligns with what it means to be truly American.

With this, I propose that we say goodbye to the bald eagle, and allow George Santos to fulfill the position of national mascot. He encapsulates reinvention, realism, resilience, and reflection. It is time we stand up to misrepresentation, and prioritize accuracy in our emblem. Santos will give the people what they need, and perhaps, serve as a step in achieving a new era of “facts optional” leadership, and of course, world peace.