Trouble at the Inn of All Drinks

In Part I of Ben Boa, Ben had accidentally poured coffee over this lady on the train. One thing led to another, and after a couple of dates, he was smitten with her. She worked in Quality and Compliance at the pharmaceutical company Laxo Smut Klump. Just as their relationship was starting to blossom, she had to go to China on business. You can find the links to the past stories at the bottom if you missed them.

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Even after only a couple of meetings, Ben was pining for Tina, who was overseas in China on assignment. He had decided that it was time to make a move and work for another company so that he could be closer to Tina. He submitted his application, though he exaggerated his skills and knowledge of compliance a bit.

After telling his best friend Ernie of his plans, the two had agreed to have drinks at the local pub. We pick up the story here in the first episode of Part II – Ben Boa and the Chinese Conundrum.

Ben was frantic by the time Ernie arrived. “Ernie, I have to talk to you!”

“Sure, Benny, can we get a drink first? I am parched as a half-dead cockatoo!"

“Yeah, yeah, but then come and sit down over here in the corner.”

Ernie returns with 2 frothies (that’s beer for the non-Aussies!) and sits down opposite Ben in a secluded booth at the back of the bar. “Jeez, Ben, anyone would think I was on a date with you - hope no one gets any ideas. What did you think - you were out with Tina?”

“No, Ernie, will you just shut up and listen! I’ve got an interview with Laxo Smut Klump.”

“Well done, cheers!” interjects Ernie, raising his glass.

“Put your glass down, you wacker! I‘ve got a problem."

"What do you mean? Besides telling them you’re a fantastic, compliant salesman with a great record, and you’re not?"

“Well, that too,” says Ben, “but it’s worse. Tina told me it would be really good to read their Code of Conduct, and so I did.”

“I get it,” says Ernie, “you don’t understand a word of it. Now you have realised that Laxo will know that you know nothing about compliance?”

"No, no - don’t you ever shut up, Ernie,” says Ben, going red with frustration.

“I read the Code thing, and then I saw it!” says Ben.

“Saw what?” replies Ernie, now more puzzled than ever.

“Mary Uselessmeeni - she did it. I saw her do it, Ernie.”

"Benny, calm down! You're going to blow a fuse. What did she do?”

“I saw her shredding some of the sales reps' expense reports. The Code of Conduct states I should report these to Legal or Compliance. I tried to find if we had a document like that in our company, but we don't. So, I don’t know what to do!” said Ben before sculling his beer.

“Wow!” was all that Ernie got out before he did the same.

“Go and get us another drink, Ben, and let me think about this."

“What do I do, Ernie? I knew this compliance stuff would get me into trouble!”

“Ben, you have done nothing wrong,” reassured Ernie, “Just get the drinks, will you?”

He was counting the days until Tina returned from China. How he missed her. How he wished she were here to give him advice instead of stupid Ernie. All Ernie could manage was “Jeez bro, I don’t know what you are going to do. You have to tell someone, but I don't know who.”

“When is your interview with Laxo?” asked Ernie.

“Tomorrow,” replied Ben with a dazed look.

“Let’s meet up after your interview. I will see if I can bring along a friend of mine who might be able to help.”

“O.K.,” said Ben, looking rather sceptical.

Ben was worried. They know compliance, he thought, tapping his foot nervously as he waited for the interview. They even have a Sales Field Manual of what to do and what not to do to accompany the other five or six manuals. They had so many manuals that they needed a whole department to look after them.

“Ben Boa” announced the rather good-looking administrative assistant to the sales manager. Me likey! thought Ben. He walked nervously into the office.

“Come in, Ben, I'm Bruce, Bruce Shifty,” invited the rather portly, rounded Sales Manager. He had hair that looked like it had been coloured from a supermarket pack. A tummy that indicated - I don't do a lot of walking, but I do a lot of eating! -wrestling for control in his freshly pressed suit.

“So, tell me a bit about yourself.”

Ben bluffed his way through the interview, expecting every question to be the one he dreaded. It never came; instead, out of left field came the question, “Do you know anyone who works at Laxo?”

Ben felt a cold sweat come over him. Relax, he told himself, this is a perfectly acceptable

question. “Yes, as a matter of fact, I do. I know a couple of people,” he said.

“Great, do they all work in sales?"

“No,” said Ben, "as a matter of fact, I know some other people in compliance. In fact, one is in China at the moment, and I am catching up with her next week when she returns."

“What! China? What has she told you?” he leaned forward, as far as his stomach would allow. He seemed stressed at the suggestion that Ben would know someone in China.

“We have a very big and effective unit in China – it’s a good organization over there!” almost trying to deflect away.

“Oh, I am sure it is,” says Ben. “Laxo is a respected company, so I bet their country operations are good and compliant,” he adds, trying hard to climb out of yet another hole.

“Well, that’s good - we will be in touch. Thank you for coming in to see us. We should be in touch in about two weeks."

"Oh, and Ben, what is the name of your friend?"

Ben froze; now he had got Tina into trouble. He choked as he said her name. Bruce wrote it down and circled it.

Ben shook hands and walked out the door. He looked at the other six people in the waiting room. "Losers," he said under his breath as he looked at his watch. Perfect timing, beer o'clock, he thought.

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What will Ben do? Find out in the next Episode: “When the Rooster Comes Home to Roost.”

Till next time,

Calvin