Toby's Horrific Vet Story

The “true” story of my trip to the vet today, by another anonymous “victim” who escaped the clutches of death! - A 9-year-old Labrador!!! Edited by my mother.

First Mom psyched me out by putting my harness on me and getting into the car for a fun ride or maybe even a baby cone from McDonalds because I am such a good boy and mom’s favorite, but instead of these wonderful things she took me to the dog torture Mobile and then carried me inside to see the evil dungeon master (vet) to be sacrificed on her alter (exam table).

She made me sit on a platform that I knew would drop me into the pits of hell, and then called me fat! (The scale) I am not fat I am a little chubby, but my mother loves me and calls me handsome all the time, like all the time, it gets embarrassing at times, especially in public sometimes my mother goes overboard, and I cannot help but think this will damage my reputation. (Boy, you have no reputation)!

Then...... ohhhhh then she tried to cut open my chest to hear my heart, but I think she must have changed her mind. This time anyway. Cuz, she took away that heart ripper-outer at the end of a tube. (Stethoscope)

Then she tried to rip off my right arm! She poured boiling acid on me (rubbing alcohol) and then mercilessly began to hack into my arm. (Blood draw) I saw my life flash before my very eyes!

She did not get enough blood, gore, and mayhem, so she poured more acid on me and tried again to hack off my arm! There was blood everywhere, I am sure I left half of my blood supply in her tiny little tubes! (No, he did not)

I think she decided Labrador was not on her lunch menu! Thank goodness because fat or not I am just a tiny morsel of a dog that would not offer much. (95-pound baby when going to the vet)

After all that, she tried to bribe me with a cookie! I just knew it was poisoned so I refused to eat it!!! She was planning to get me one way or another! The gall, you halfway kill me, change your mind, and try to bribe me with a crunchy poisoned cookie? My name is not Snow White, thank you! You were just trying to bribe my silence from filing a complaint about all the horror I underwent and the horror I witnessed. (He was completely fine)

Then mom and I were granted our freedom and we were able to run away to the car! All I could do was collapse on the back seat, tortured, and exhausted from fighting for my life. Mom must have noticed the cookie was not poisonous cuz she gave it to me, and I ate it. Take that! You will NOT buy my silence about this torture mobile that roams around our town! (He is just being dramatic because we did not get a baby cone and he went for his annual checkup)

When we got home, a wonderful place I thought I would never see again, I was so happy I peed on my favorite tree! (This is true) OMG! What a day in the life of a dog is like.

I must rest now from my horrific ordeal, but I leave you with a small piece of advice. When seeing the dungeon master do not be brave. Shake and give her the best puppy eye look you can. It just might save your life! (Life was never in danger)