The House of Jordan

The House of Jordan

Characters:

Jordan Lee is the eccentric, spoiled child of a billionaire tycoon who has been cut off financially but has been allowed to live in the smallest of the family's mansions. Jordan decides to rent out 5 of the rooms in the mansion to students of the nearby university in order to earn money. Jordan is constantly concocting crazy schemes to make money, create entertainment, regain an allowance, go on adventures, etc and always ropes the five tenants into doing all the work. Jordan is recognizable by wearing thick square framed bright yellow glasses, oversized pop-art design sweatshirts, and a long silky yellow and green scarf that frequently smacks other characters in the face. However, Jordan is always portrayed by a different recognizable actor/celebrity in each episode and could be male, female, short, tall, thin, chubby, and of any ethnicity. While Jordan is central to the storyline, there are only a few cameo type appearances in each episode. Jordan never remembers anyone’s name except Riley.

Riley Park, Jordan's partner, also lives in the mansion and is referred to frequently, but rarely seen. Like Jordan, Riley looks completely different and is played by a different actor. Riley is recognizable by the entirely black wardrobe, lack of emotion, and monotone voice. Riley only ever has two lines, "Let me know how that works out for you," and "Why do I put up with this?"

Vanessa Brown is studying to be a doctor and works as a CNA at the hospital. She is the only character that notices Jordan and Riley look different every time they are seen and frequently comments about it. Vanessa is the most responsible and acts as the "mother" of the group. She usually tries to talk everyone else out of Jordan's schemes but goes along to keep them from getting into too much trouble or to bandage them up when they get hurt. She frequently offers unsolicited lectures and advice and reminds them all they might die without her there to feed them, take care of them, keep them out of trouble etc. She has perfect sarcastic timing. Vanessa frequently refers to her family and childhood which sounds surprisingly similar to the life of Vanessa Huxtable.

Allie Williams came to school for one purpose: to find a husband. She picks the classes she takes solely on which would be most likely to have the most eligible bachelors. Every episode she has a new potential love interest but quickly moves on because he isn't motivated enough, isn't serious enough, isn't responsible enough, isn't mature enough, etc. Most don't even get long enough to share a kiss before she moves on to the next. Allie has great chemistry with Mateo and everyone else can see he is perfect for her but she is oblivious and he claims they are just friends. Allie seems superficial on the surface, but has a huge heart and frequently makes surprising sacrifices for other people. She is always the first to volunteer to help Jordan and usually gets into the most trouble. Every time Vanessa points out that Jordan and Riley look different, Allie comments that they just changed their hair style in some way. Allie doesn't work and has money sent to her by each of her 6 wealthy step-fathers and manages to get a lot of things free. Her own father refuses to send her money because he wants her to learn that she can take care of herself.

Samira Tanubudhi is a first generation American and is only going to school because it's what her parents expect. She works at a local restaurant and really wants to be a pastry chef but her parents say that's a waste of her intelligence. Samira is constantly baking extravagant desserts that often come to disastrous ends before anyone gets to taste them. Samira is the youngest and most innocent of the group. She frequently fails to understand jokes or situations that could be bad. Devon and Vanessa constantly try to rescue her from danger. Allie drags Samira along on all her crazy quests and Samira is happy to do whatever Allie asks. Whenever Vanessa comments that Jordan and Riley look different, Samira responds with, "Looks like the same beautiful/ sexy/ handsome/gorgeous Jordan/Riley I've always known."

Devon Chambers is middle-aged and the oldest of the group. After being injured in combat, Devon receives disability from the military, suffers from PTSD, and has become a serial student. He is working on his fourth bachelor's degree. Devon is the most cynical of the group. He frequently acts like he doesn't like any of them, but is very protective of them all, like an older brother. He goes along with Jordan's crazy schemes because "It sounds better than waiting around to die." When Vanessa comments that Jordan and Riley look different, Devon responds with comments that imply there is something wrong with Vanessa's memory or that she's overly stressed.

Mateo Useche is the life of the party and seems to know everyone everywhere he goes. He always has a story that includes a long explanation of how he knows someone (ie:my sister's roommate's cousin's uncle's dog walker) and talks about all these random people as if everyone should know them too. He has a huge family and every episode includes a story about a different sibling, cousin, Aunt, etc who has some business or talent that will help in whatever crazy plan Jordan comes up with. Mateo easily convinces other people to do things because he is able to make everything sound like a party.

Pilot episode: Jordan Gets Roommates

Scene One

Riley is sitting at the kitchen table with a bowl of cereal when Jordan sweeps in dramatically flourishing the scarf and smacking Riley on the back of the head without noticing.

Jordan: I've had the worst day ever! You will not believe what my Father has done now! It's not bad enough that he's making me live in this run down old hovel and that he stopped giving me an allowance. But today... (Jordan sobs dramatically)…Today my credit cards all declined when I tried to buy a latte. And when I called my Dad about it, he laughed! He actually laughed. He said I have to pay my own credit card bills now. Then he told me I should get a JOB! (Another dramatic sob)...Jobs are for poor people! And I'm qualified for absolutely nothing! Who would hire me?

Riley shrugs and continues to eat cereal in silence. Jordan swoons and collapses in a chair draping an arm across the forehead with an exaggerated sigh.

Jordan: What am I to do? How will I ever find money to pay my credit cards?

Mateo appears unexpectedly from the pantry making Jordan jump up in surprise.

Mateo: I have an idea!

Jordan: Who are you and what are you doing in my house?

Mateo: I'm Mateo

Jordan looks at him in confusion.

Mateo: I'm friends with Kristin…(pauses waiting for Jordan to recognize her name)...her roommate is Olivia… (another pause with no recognition)...she’s Wendy’s sister…(another pause)...who is dating Frank…(another pause)...Riley's cousin…

Jordan finally seems to recognize a name

Mateo: We all came to your Labor Day Weekend party.

Jordan: I remember the party…well at least some of it. But that was two weeks ago. What are you still doing here?

Mateo: See, that's a funny story.

Mateo narrates a series of flashbacks that start with a scene of a crazy, wild party. In addition to typical party activities, someone is swinging from a chandelier while a donkey walks through the living room followed by a chick and a duck.

Mateo narrates: The party was so much fun but then Sunday night I started to feel really sick so I went upstairs and found a quiet room at the end of the hall to lay down in for a minute.

The flashback shows Mateo looking ill and stumbling his way up the stairs and down a long hallway before entering a large suite and collapsing on the bed.

Mateo narrates: I only meant to take a short nap, but I must have been really sick. When I woke up it was already Tuesday morning. So I was going to sneak out quietly but when I got down here, everyone was gone and the house was a mess. I couldn't just leave it like that so I cleaned up.

Mateo tiptoes downstairs and stops when he sees the mess. He begins cleaning up crazy messes throughout the living room, kitchen, dining room, and pool. Then he goes back upstairs and collapses in the bed again.

Mateo narrates: It took several hours and I was exhausted by the time I finished so I went back up to that room for another nap. The next day I noticed you didn't have any groceries so I went shopping and got you some food. I only just realized this house was so big you didn't notice I was here, even though I kept cleaning up after you, and making you breakfast, and taking care of your yard.

Mateo comes into the kitchen with bags of groceries and stocks the cabinets. Mateo cooks an extravagant breakfast and sets it on the table in front of a very distracted Jordan. Mateo picks up clothing left throughout the house. Mateo mows the lawn. Jordan keeps passing by him without acknowledging his presence.

The scene returns to the present

Jordan: So you just moved in?

Mateo: Well, not exactly. Most of my stuff is still out in my car in the back. I just have been crashing here for a bit.

Jordan: So you're like homeless?

Mateo: No, well, sort of I guess. But that's my idea for you. I'm a student at the University and I had an apartment for the semester all lined up, I paid my deposit and first month's rent ages ago. Then two weeks before I was supposed to move in I got a letter from the complex. They had unforeseen difficulties with construction and the building won't be done for several more weeks. But all the other nearby apartments are already full. There's nowhere available for miles. So I've been staying on my buddies' couches since school started.

Jordan: I don't see how that helps me at all.

Mateo: Don't you get it? You have a giant house full of empty rooms and you need money. I have money for rent and nowhere to live. And I'm not the only one. You could totally rent out rooms to students. I bet you could get 5 more people in the house without even noticing them. At $500 per person you could make $2500 without doing anything.

Jordan looks skeptically at Mateo.

Jordan: I don't know, I'm kind of weirded out that you just decided to live here without saying anything. I'm not sure I should take your advice.

Mateo: I wasn't trying to be sneaky. I honestly thought you knew I was here. Who did you think made you breakfast every morning?

Jordan: I don't know. I never think about that kind of stuff. We've always had people around to make meals and clean. I never pay attention to any of them.

Jordan looks at Riley

Jordan: Did you know he was living here?

Riley rolls eyes and nods head.

Jordan: This might not be a half bad idea. My parents always pay people to live with us and do the cooking and cleaning. But you're saying I can get them to pay me to do the same thing! It's brilliant!

Jordan leaps from the chair with arms high above head.

Mateo: Well that's not exactly what I meant.

Jordan: This will be great. I won't need to get a job and my roommates can do all the stuff around the house I don't know how to do. And my Dad thought I couldn't take care of myself!

Mateo and Riley exchange a look of exasperation.

Jordan keeps talking without pause even as Mateo interrupts.

Jordan: Marco!

Mateo: Mateo.

Jordan: You know where to find these other homeless people.

Mateo: They’re not really homeless.

Jordan: Go bring me some that would be good roommates.

Mateo: I'm not your errand boy.

Jordan: And if possible, I'd like everyone's first month's rent in cash by the end of the week.

Jordan leaves the room with a flourish.

Mateo: Is Jordan serious? How am I supposed to find five people willing to pay to be live-in servants by the end of the week?

Riley shrugs, finishes cereal and takes the bowl to sink to rinse out.

Mateo: Maybe I can leave out that part until after they move in. I'm sure Jordan won't really expect them to do that much.

Riley: Let me know how that works out for you.

Riley walks out of the room.

Montage of Mateo meeting with potential but unappealing roommates (guy with pet snake, messy girl who spills everywhere, gymnast, trumpet player, angry bodybuilder who keeps crushing things, guy who keeps smacking Mateo really hard on the shoulder whenever he laughs, the girl with the purse dog, etc).

Mateo meets with Vanessa at the Café and Samira is serving them. Mateo is excited that Vanessa seems like a great roommate and offers her a room. Vanessa gets suspicious.

Vanessa: So you are just going to let me move into your mansion with you that easily? What's the catch? Come to think of it, why aren't we meeting at your mansion?

Mateo: Well, it's not actually my mansion, I'll be living there but it's Jordan's House. I'm just helping find other students who need a place. I thought this was a good place for a first meeting. If you saw some of the other people I met with today you'd understand why I didn't want to give out the address to everyone. But, of course you can come see the place before you move in.

Vanessa: How many people are going to be living in this house?

Mateo: I'm already living there with Riley and Jordan. We're hoping for four more roommates. So, I guess that's…(Mateo counts on his fingers) seven?

Vanessa: Whew, seven people in one house. That seems like a lot. I grew up with five siblings and we were always tripping over each other and fighting over such stupid things… (Vanessa purses her lips thoughtfully)... With a bunch of strangers that could be so much worse. What would the living arrangements be?

Mateo: Well, that's the thing. This house is enormous. There are twelve suites that each have a sitting room, kitchenette, bathroom, and private balcony. Each suite is bigger than the apartment I grew up in. If you don't want to see the rest of the roommates, you don't have to.

Vanessa: I think I'd want to meet the rest of the roommates before I decide.

Mateo: Well, you're the first I've picked and you've met me. So that takes care of that. You can help me choose the rest of the new roommates if you want.

Vanessa: Hold on, what about Jordan and Riley?

Mateo: Oh yeah, well they're hard to…I mean you'll probably meet them at the house…but really they are almost never there.

Vanessa: I get the feeling you don't want me to meet them.

Mateo: What? No, Riley's great. Real quiet. Awesome roommate.

Vanessa: So then, what's wrong with Jordan?

Mateo: Jordan? (Mateo fidgets nervously)...Jordan is just a bit eccentric and a little oblivious of other people and sort of unrealistic and kind of spoiled and just a touch loud. But you get used to it, eventually.

Samira is hovering in the background listening.

Vanessa appraises Mateo, who is sweating and fidgeting, carefully.

Vanessa: I still think you're hiding something. There's more you're not telling me.

Mateo: Fine, you're right. Jordan thinks everyone is going to pay $500 to live there and do everything, the cooking, the cleaning, gardening, who knows what else. Jordan expects us to be like servants but pay for the privilege to do so.

Samira squeals excitedly.

Samira: I'll do it! I've been looking for an apartment for weeks and I love to cook. I bet the place has an amazing kitchen. It would be awesome to cook for Jordan and have a room to myself. I’ve been driving an hour to and from my parents house every day and it probably costs me more than $500 a month.

Mateo shakes her hand.

Mateo: You're in!

Vanessa: Just like that! You didn't ask her anything. You know nothing about her.

Mateo: I know enough. She has a job and she is willing to cook.

Vanessa: That is how you are vetting our roommates?

Mateo: I’m joking. I come in here all the time and Samira serves me. Plus my friend George’s Uncle Quin is dating Helen who’s sister Joan works for Samira’s father. So we’re practically family.

Samira: Can my friend Allie live there, too? She has been staying in the hotel down the street since school started.

Mateo: Definitely!

Vanessa: I suppose Allie is your cousin’s boyfriend’s sister’s best friend.

Mateo: No, Allie sits behind me in my Viking History class. So, what do you say Vanessa?

Vanessa: Fine, I’ll come by and check out the place, but I’m not promising anything until I see the house.

Vanessa, Samira, and Allie are being shown around the house by Mateo. Allie and Samira keep jumping up and down excitedly and Vanessa keeps trying to look like she isn’t impressed by the grandeur of the mansion. As Mateo shows them around the house he opens a few doors and quickly shuts them before the women can see the crazy state of the room behind the door. (Donkey eating the drapes in the study, duck swimming in the tub, etc.) Jordan comes in just before the tour ends and smacks Mateo in the face with the scarf, without noticing. Riley follows Jordan in and silently appraises the group from the far side of the room

Jordan: Mario

Marco: Marco

Jordan: Who are these people and why are they here?

Marco: This is Vanessa, Samira, and Allie. They are going to rent one of your rooms, like we talked about yesterday.

Jordan: Oh yeah! I almost forgot I sent you to find some homeless people.

Vanessa: Homeless?

Jordan: So, what skills do you each have? Victoria?

Mateo: Vanessa.

Jordan: Hush, Milo, I’m talking to Veronica.

Vanessa: It’s Vanessa. I’m not applying for a position here. I already have a job at the hospital. I’m just looking for a room to rent.

Jordan: So, you aren’t going to clean or anything?

Vanessa: Well, of course I’ll clean up after myself but…

Jordan: Perfect. How about you, Samantha?

Mateo: Samira

Jordan: You really need to stop interrupting me all the time, Marcelo.

Samira: I cook! I love to bake all sorts of goodies. Would you like me to make you a special treat right now?

Vanessa: Samira, you don’t have to do that.

Jordan: That would be fabulous! I love chocolate. Make me something chocolatey to die for!

Samira runs off excitedly into the kitchen.

Jordan: How about you, Amy?

Mateo: Allie!

Allie: I love to shop. I will go to the store for you and pick out whatever you need so you don’t have to. I can look at anyone and immediately know what size they wear so I buy your clothes. I love grocery shopping. If you decide to get a new car, or horse, or tv or whatever. I will do the research and find you the best quality for your money.

Jordan: A personal shopper! I’ve so missed having someone do that for me. Riley absolutely refuses to go shopping.

Mateo: So Vanessa, what do you think?

Vanessa: I think you are all crazy. But I think I better move in to make sure that I don’t run into the rest of you in the Emergency Room next.

Jordan: Wonderful! Now, I’m off to find the car I lost last night.

Jordan starts to walk out. Then stops and turns back around, smacking Allie in the face with the scarf without noticing.

Jordan: Oh! I just realized, I have you now! I don’t have to run all over town looking for my car. I can send you out to find it. It’s a lime green Bugatti with a license plate that says Jordan1. Shouldn’t be too hard to find. Let me know when you locate it.

Vanessa and Mateo both look dumbfounded, mouths hanging open. Allie grins happily as Jordan tosses her the keys before walking out of the room.

Allie: Let’s go!

Vanessa: Allie, are you crazy? We’re not servants, we’re roommates. The sooner Jordan realizes that they aren’t the same thing the better.

Allie: Have you ever driven a Bugatti? Me, either. I’m so going out to find that car. Samira!

Allie runs into the kitchen to get Samira. Vanessa looks at Mateo and he shrugs his shoulders before following Allie. Vanessa rolls eyes and follows Mateo.

Next Scene: Allie, Samira, Vanessa, and Mateo are standing outside the fence of an impound lot looking at a lime green Bugatti with a license plate that says Jordan1. They all look very defeated. Devon walks by and Mateo calls him by name and reminds him that his cousin’s husband’s uncle’s best friend served in the military with him. Eventually Mateo talks Devon into helping them and moving into the house together. Devon agrees because it sounds better than waiting around to die. They try to get the car back but none of them can prove they are the rightful owner. Mateo calls Jordan then announces that Jordan says to “be more resourceful.” Each one tries to convince the officer that they should get the car and they fail over and over and over. Finally, Mateo remembers his cousin Diego might be able to help and leave the other four alone wondering what he is doing. Several minutes later, Mateo and Diego pull up in the Bugatti and avoid answering any questions about how they got the car.

Back at the house, they are all recounting the crazy things they did that afternoon when Jordan and Riley walk into the room. But they are now played by two new actors. Vanessa looks surprised but everyone else looks like they recognize them. Vanessa asks who they are and Mateo reminds her that she met Jordan and Riley earlier. She points out they look different and Allie notices that they changed their hairdo a little but Samira thinks they look just as pretty as they did earlier. When Vanessa insists they are different people Devon suggests Vanessa needs some sleep. Jordan announces the next great adventure and Riley rolls eyes and says, "Why do I put up with this?"

Jordan: Because you never know what fun awaits you in the House of Jordan.

End.