Stay In Your Lane...😁

Howdy Doll Clan! It's Doll Mommy here!

I'm sorry that I've been so out of touch. These youngins have been running me ragged with soccer, tennis, gymnastics, and volleyball practice.

Anyhow, let me get to the point of my text.

Remember my doll daughter, Promise? The little cute one with the bubble gum pink hair & the big bluish-grey puppy dog eyes? You know the one who wore a fur scarf around her neck in 85-degree weather last summer? ... the same one that I suspected was hiding a hickey underneath it...

Here's a quick pic to jog your memory:

Well, it turns out that my assumption was right. After a long, long, long interrogation, Promise broke down and showed me that ugly, little, feather-shaped, dirt-colored abomination on her neck, and boy did I hit the roof when I saw it!

Fortunately, it's not what you think, folks... Promise had what you call a Vac-Hickey. In other words, she had a hickey that she created with the end of a vacuum hose. Apparently, you hold the hose to your neck and suck away like you're Count Dracula.

Boy, these kids sure are a trip these days! 😱😂 Anyhow, it turns out that Promise created the infamous Vac-Hickey because she didn't want to be seen as a prude by her friends because she was 15 and had not french-kissed a boy yet. Apparently, she was the only girl on her gymnastics team that had not done so, and she didn't want to be made fun of or to feel left out, so she "faked the funk."😱

After I regained consciousness, I decided to cut Promise some slack. I remember doing dumb things to fit in as a teen too, like wearing butt pads under my Levi's to look as if I had more junk in the trunk.

Butts were all the rage in 92' when I was a little more youthful! And unfortunately, that Sir-Mix-A-Lot song 'Baby Got Back' only made matters worse for me because I was shonuff back-less, and the boys on the basketball team never let me forget it; they used to sing "Baby Got Pancake" in unison whenever I walked by because my behind was as flat as one! LOL 😂 

I can laugh about it now, but back then, I was mortified. 😁

I didn't want to get caught slippin' in the second semester of my senior year; therefore, I started wearing those silly butt pads in my jeans. Unfortunately, as luck would have it, I was outed by my high school nemesis, Kaylee Bell, who jacked my butt pads from my gym bag after pickle ball practice one day. 

Kaylee Bell had no mercy; after stealing my butt pads, she outed me to the entire lunchroom the following day. I should have slapped her to sleep like my favorite Aunt Willie Esther used to say, but I was a good girl, and I ignored it because I really should have just been happy with what God gave me. But most teens, especially us chicas, seem to have I-really-really-care-about-what-others-think-of-me-itis at that age, and I was no exception.

Although I may have had a pancake behind; my tummy was six-pack status back then, doll friends! 

Ironically, I learned at our recent 30 year class reunion that Kaylee Bell had actually always been jealous of me because of my top-notch volleyball skills and my flat mid-section and it turns out that that is why she targeted me for ridicule. She came up to me at the reunion and laid that little juicy morsel of info at my feet while we were at the hors d'oeuvre table. 

Kaylee even went on to apologize profusely for her behavior and she admitted that her stepmom was always ridiculing her for her thin lips and plus-sized figure back then, and as a result, she had picked up the bad habit of ridiculing others to make herself feel better. Looking back on things with that new bit of entail actually made me pity Kaylee. I never thought that I would feel that way in a million years, but hey, people change...

Anyway, back to the lecture at hand... I told Promise my pancake story, and I reminded her that I know what it feels like to not fit in but that she should never ever live her life for others, no matter what. 

I also warned her to never sign up for a rollercoaster ride that she wasn't tall enough to ride yet because things would never end well. Case in point: My Big Daddy C (grandfather) knew a kid who snuck on a rollercoaster ride when he was eight and ended up urinating on himself during the ride because he was so terrified of falling out of his cart.

Unfortunately, the poor little guy had his little accident in front of his entire 3rd grade class, and from that day forward, he was no longer called by his given name: Peter Johns; everyone began to call him Pee Pee Johns. The dude is 85 years young now, and he still answers to Pee Pee Johns. I told Promise, please don't ever become a Pee Pee Johns! 😂 Please, please, please stay in your lane!

But don't worry about Promise, folks; I have a backup plan if my fine sermon isn't adhered to.

Guess what I did, friends...?

I made arrangements for Promise and her best friends Majestic-Journey and Earthie-Larue (isn't she the spitting image of Eartha Kitt?) to volunteer at the local daycare every Thursday afternoon after school for the next three months so that they can remember what kind of hot water a few too many hickies could potentially get them into. After running around after all of those ill-mannered kids for 4 hours each week, I guarantee you that Promise and her besties will be looking for the closest convent to enter when they finish their volunteer assignment!

And I see no problems with that, do you? 😂

Check out this picture from their first day at the daycare center. Promise and Earthie look like things went okay for them, but poor Majestic-Journey (the one in the middle) looks like she is about to go to the electric chair! LOL 😂

Welp, I'd better go. I have four loads of laundry left to finish! Then it will be time for a dip in the pool! Hasta Luego!

Sincerely,

Your overworked and underpaid Amiga-- Doll Mommy💃🏽