SSSSnake

“Well, kids, today is a great day to learn about humans. The first thing you have to learn is that they are more afraid of us than we are of them. Let me show you exactly what I’m talking about. I’ll just poke my head up through the space between the boards and watch how the people react.”

The class waited with anxious anticipation as their teacher slithered to a large enough gap that allowed her body to squeeze through. It took less than a minute before someone screamed, “Snake, Snake—There’s a snake over there!” The screams were followed by mothers gathering up children, dogs barking uncontrollably, and everyone running for cover. Next, a man with a stick rushed to where the snake had popped up, attempting to save the day. Of course, by the time the self-appointed hero reached the teacher’s location, she had already ducked below the boardwalk.

“Well, class, what do you make of the way humans react when they see one of us?”

“I don’t understand Ms. Slither? They are so much bigger than us, yet they act like we are larger and stronger than them. We can’t hurt them, right?”

“That’s right, Squirmy, Black Racers, and our cousins the Garden Snake, Rat Snake, and many, many more are harmless to humans. The problem is, people don’t take the time to learn how to identify us. They think all snakes are poisonous. It’s true some of us can do humans harm, but only if we feel threatened. People are too big for snakes our size to eat, so why bother with them? Mice, frogs, and lizards are what we’re interested in, but never humans! Maybe if we were pythons or boa constrictors, people might be a tasty meal.”

“Ms. Slither, my dad says snakes got a bad rap for something that happened thousands of years ago in some garden somewhere. Do you know anything about that?”

“I do, Curly. What your dad is talking about is what happened between Adam and Eve and an apple. It’s a bogus story that claims the devil, whoever that is, possessed the body of one of our ancestors. He then convinced the female Eve to take a bite out of a forbidden fruit called an apple. The legend says that she conned Adam into eating some of her apple and they both got kicked out of Eden. Both of them blamed our ancestors for conning them into taking a bite of the apple.”

“So, people have been blaming us for their own dumb mistake ever since?”

“That’s right, Curly. We took the fall for their mistake.”

“Oh, that’s so unfair!” complained little Squiggly. “I want to bite them as payback for all the poor treatment we receive.”

“Now, now, children settle down. You know our teeth are useless against their tough hides and the protective cloth they hang on their bodies. We need to let our cousins with real fangs take care of the biting.”

“Well, can we at least scare them again, Ms. Slither? Please, please, please!”

All her students bounced up and down from their coiled stances.

“Well, if you promise to do exactly what I say, I’ll let you try it one at a time. The humans have forgotten that we are here, so we can surprise them again. I want each one of you to find an opening your body will fit through. When I say now, Squirmy will pop up first. When the humans run, it will be Curly’s turn to pop up in front of them. Next will be Squiggle’s turn. They won’t know which way to run. That’s when I’ll pop up in the middle of them. This is going to be fun.”