So This is What Happened

I’m sorry I moved your car keys.

I was in bed scrolling through social media and then suddenly realised I was running late for a job interview.

You know how I’ve been behind on my rent payments; I’ll hopefully be able to pay you back soon. This job sounds promising. They said they’ll get back to me... I think. The pay is okay, and the hours aren’t too long. It sounds like I would still have time to catch up on all my favourite reality TV shows.

Anyway, I had to move your car from the driveway so I could get mine out of the carport.

I’m sorry, I moved your car.

You were still in bed, and I saw your keys sitting on the kitchen bench; I figured it would be all right.

As I was backing down the driveway, I realised I wasn’t wearing any shoes. It was like one of those nightmares where you’re trying to get somewhere important and every time you leave, you’ve forgotten something else.

I rushed back inside to search for my shoes. I finally remembered they were in the dryer. I’d been out drinking with my old school friend the night before. We’d been dancing in the street. It had been raining, and there were lots of puddles. I came home drunk and put them in the dryer. I hope they didn’t make too much noise.

So I put my shoes on and went into the carport. Then it came back to me. We’d finished dancing in the street, and I realised I was too drunk to drive. We caught a taxi home, and I was meant to go and pick up my car later today.

I was going to ask you for a lift.

So I had to drive your car to the interview.

I’m sorry I borrowed your car.

By this point, I was really running late. I was driving as fast as I could go. The streets were a little wet.

You know, from the rain last night.

The traffic light turned orange. I knew I could make it, so I sped up.

But the car in front stopped.

So I bumped into it, just a little.

I’m sorry, there’s a small ding in your front bumper.

I arrived at the interview a little late. They said they could still squeeze me in, but they wouldn’t have time to show me around or introduce me to anyone.

I think it went well. It was very quick; they didn’t ask many questions. They were a bit vague about when I would hear back from them, but I’m sure they just don’t want to seem too keen.

After I left, I realised I was still a little hungover, so I stopped at the pub across the road for a burger and chips. I ran into a mate of mine, and I had a couple of beers.

When we were done, I walked back to the car park. There weren’t many cars left by that point, but because I’d arrived in such a rush, I couldn’t remember where the car was.

I walked up and down the rows searching, but I couldn’t see your car anywhere.

I remember now. I got out of the car for my interview, and I looked down and realised I hadn’t tied my shoelaces. I put the key on the roof of the car and bent down to tie my shoelaces.

Then I ran to my interview.

The keys were still on the roof of the car.

I’m sorry, your car has been stolen.

You can borrow mine anytime… when I remember where it is.