Humor logo

Queen, an "If" story.

A prompt by Rick Christopher

By Novel AllenPublished 6 months ago Updated 6 months ago 5 min read
NightCafe AI


First and foremost, I am already Queen, by virtue of being born a woman.

Oh, chuck it!!!!!!

If I were Queen I would be queen of the world. I would live in a great and magnificent African Palace and be the best African World Queen there ever would be. I would enforce the laws that make women strong and fierce, while prioritizing and ensuring equality for all who walk this earthly plane. I would proudly live, love and embrace the queenliness within myself, so I can project it onto all who gaze upon my beauty and power with great expectations for their future. I would not disappoint my adoring subjects.

Luckily, I am Queen only of myself right now.


When I first saw these questions, I though, this would be so very easy to answer. Yet, here I sit scrolling up and down, pondering where to start. These are really hard to answer, at least for me. So, I started reciting "IF", by Rudyard Kipling.

If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,

Or walk with Kings/Queens—nor lose the common touch,

Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it.

Then I said to myself, phlurk it! I want all the things I missed growing up not rich!!!!!!!!!!!

The questions:

If I were a rich woman.... (I am rich in spirit).

If I'd been born rich, I would be a spoilt brat. I would own the largest library ever, I would own every great book ever written, and a copy of everything worth reading. I would order people around, but still be a wee bit kind to them. I would need my own gym, a masseuse and a masseur, depending on how I felt on a given day. I would need a yacht, a lovely little plane, a swimming pool for all of my 5 homes, and an island all my own. I would need real friends, not the ones who fawn on me for my money and position. I would have a bank account for charity, just to make me feel good about myself, and I would go around handing out money to the needy, altruism is good for the soul. I would play the stock market and wall street just for fun. I would plant my own garden and tend it just for the love of it. I would swim in oceans everywhere, own a dozen name brand cats (hire a cat-poop carer, just because). I would write many bestselling books and bask in the fame. There is more, but space is limited here.

If I could fly

Maybe I would be out at night wearing my superhero cape and fighting crime at nights. Maybe I would be out exploring every corner of the earth and trying to discover so much which is hidden from my biped limited experiences. {Humans are the only primates who are normally biped, due to an extra curve in the spine which stabilizes the upright position, as well as shorter arms relative to the legs than is the case for the nonhuman great ape}. I wonder how we came by that curve?

If I were a dog

I would not be chained, leashed or locked up inside a human house. Let me run free upon the moor of life. Let me learn to be fierce and strong, fighting my own battles. I will not be neutered or tamed. I would run free. If you tried to lock me up, I would go ballistic on you, bites and probably death would ensue.

If I were the moon

I would sprinkle magic dust upon the hearts of mankind whenever my light shone down upon them. I would wish moondust into their thoughts and bring them peace. Of what use am I if my nightly glow cannot calm the fears of the world. Still, I give them light shining through the darkness, while wishing that I could reach down and soothe their pain. I am the moon, gaze upon my loveliness and I will comfort you.

If I could be at two places at one time

I would go back in time to give advice to my younger self, wise counsel which crosses time to make a difference to the more mature me.

I would rob banks and rich people, then play Robin Hood and give it to the poor. I would live well BTW, while making sure that one of me is where everyone can see the innocent me.

If I were a car

I would be a sportscar-sy type that flies up, up, trying to touch the moon, trying my darndest best to go exploring beyond the stars.

If I was money

I would invent ways to evenly distribute myself throughout the world according to how I believe each person is equipped to use me wisely.

If I were a painting

I would be made of lovely little fairies who come alive at nights and go out to do my bidding. Good fairies, naughty fairies and downright bad fairies. I do not want to be hanging on the walls of the rich, unless my fairies can rob then blind and secretly give to the needy.

If I were to go insane

Then you should definitely keep your distance. The three dormant parts of me would rise to the surface. The ID, EGO and SUPEREGO. The ego psychology model of the psyche, the id, is the set of my uncoordinated instinctual desires; the super-ego plays the critical and moralizing role; and the ego is the organized, realistic agent that mediates between the instinctual desires of the id and the critical super-ego. They would not be easily controlled. My answer is already insane.

If I were the President

I would most likely be like the Queen above. I would disband every form of government and put the young brilliant minds of society to enact decent and modern laws to properly govern a new world. A new world order would begin. I would outlaw processed food and force everyone to plant a vegetable and fruit garden in their back yard. I would stop spending so much money on prisons, just place dangerous criminals on islands surrounded by sharks. The not so dangerous ones would be put in pillory.

A pillory at the Medieval Market in Turku, Finland

Food and what nots would be thrown at them. Not stones, anyone found throwing poop would be put in pillory.

If I were a good woman

I would eventually grow into my bad me self. Being good is no fun.


'If' prompt, by Rick Christopher



About the Creator

Novel Allen

Clouds come floating into my life, no longer to carry rain or usher storm, but to add color to my sunset sky. ~~ Rabindranath Tagore~~

Reader insights

Be the first to share your insights about this piece.

How does it work?

Add your insights

Comments (10)

Sign in to comment
  • Kendall Defoe 5 months ago

    If I had read the challenge, I would have jumped in the pool myself. Fortunately, I can read all about you here. Excellent little narrative and take on the challenge!

  • Sarah Danaher5 months ago

    Good take on the challenge and makes one think about if and how would one respond.

  • Bozhan Bozhkov5 months ago

    If I could be in two places at once" This question threw me into deep thought. How could this be achieved exactly? To oscillate between both places or to have two avatars in both places with one main person? It's worth thinking about - perhaps even writing a new story?

  • Somehow, even though I don't believe much of this, I certainly did enjoy its cynical wit, lol.

  • Elaine Sihera6 months ago

    Great read, Novel. Love the main illustration. Happy New Year!

  • Grz Colm6 months ago

    Bahahaha. You are a Complex woman..I mean Queen! Do we have to kneel in your presence? Too many interesting and funny things to respond to here so I’ll just leave it at can I work in the library please, if I clean up the cat poop at night?😁 By the way, excellent colour scheme in your cover image!

  • L.C. Schäfer6 months ago

    I have just one question. Would the sharks have "lasers" on their heads?

  • Sid Aaron Hirji6 months ago

    Personally I think you would not be spoilt if you were rich. I feel you would give back

  • Shirley Belk6 months ago

    First, I love the pictures that go along with the story!!! Especially the fairies :) Secondly, 100% agree with you that dogs should NEVER be chained up! Thirdly, your Moon self is beautiful! And last but not least, I love the sparkle and spunk in you

  • "My answer is already insane." Hahahahahhahahahahaha I burst out laughing at that. And I totally agree with "Being good is no fun"! 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 I had so much fun reading this!!!

Find us on social media

Miscellaneous links

  • Explore
  • Contact
  • Privacy Policy
  • Terms of Use
  • Support

© 2024 Creatd, Inc. All Rights Reserved.