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Most recently published stories in Humor.

AI an absurd awakening . Content Warning.
Routine event of the day: I sit 🪑 down to write ✍️ …What emerges: the following.It seems like an adventurous roller coaster 🎢 ride. One thing leading into another. An absurd awakening, indeed! Awry is me. And askew is thee! Together we shall do better if we think of this as a jamboree😊Co-commonly conjoined and sometimes amply carried forward “alone,” these are the ways in which we assail life. Indeed, that certainly calls for qualities to deal with this world, regardless of swimming or sinking in it as some downtrodden tit. Hugely crouched over tetra-shields, life can be as unpredictable as any other titanic ship. For that reason, I have always needed the near -perfect nuance of poetry in my speech. Precisely so, off hand or rather, off censored, you might find me musing very badly 😅. Awkwardly absurd ! So be it! Yeah that’s the absurd reality I was born into aeons ago and I have remained in it, ever since. It’s like I was dealt with a hand of cards 🃏 that ended up as precious leavings. Conditions like this might not fit you well, I know. But do absurdly adjust if you will (by any chance,) relish this piece and end up feeling swamped in it. So, where was I ? āḥ húñ! Now listen 🎧..very carefully to this verbiage —a potpourri as I prefer to call it . Use your utter discretion before you collectively resonate or disqualify it in entirety. It’s up to you ! This is an “Alchemy of my mind,” seeking to rightly fit into the world of vagaries. I am scribing 📝 this—ebbing out of the cradle passage after rising from the big deep sleep. This tale accumulates the past, as though , its a drawn onwards journey, much as much, to arrive at an equally transient —present. As if, those solemn formative years, tenderly shaping many untellable identities beyond the grave. And well into Supra terrains of adulthood, I am left to think—those were the days! But life ,how-so-ever, is seemingly a product of our own creative imagination with no interest whatsoever to gloat on the gut issues. But I do! That’s the awry in me for you to peruse. And I say this with gratitude 🙏 as I slowly sink ( along with you,) into this deep meditative sleep …💤😴🛌Writing does this to me. It puts me in a meditative trance ….Follow along …It all seems like an other worldly scene; a slumber serene, Wherein, existence switches thro’ new realms of quivering gleamsYet again, every now and then , ‘T’s the palm found wanting, with nothing fitting in between. Thro' and thro, therein,There’s a never ending spiel of infinity tied to a stream,And trancing upon mighty pulses and, sunken upon some timed machines, Yes, I dare to look within! Of muted races rushed to gleamsall beside each other in full-fledged swaying schemes For onto those thresholds of innocence lain, Could there be a soul seeing triumph of thingsAnd around those many ranged reasons lining up to mienLet me praise dutifully, knowing all reasons to sing…For those fated wings oft chasing around faith, to be inimitably seen, Like two words constantly gliding, yet lingering in fresh breaths of fresher greens O glad! Swift to spell here comes another evergreen, conjuring a dual throbbing with e’ery pant ( not this 👖 ) swelling and roaring in between O look! A silent signal lamps 🪔 to swing For that muse coming by gusting thro’ the winds, Floating around a convulsive spirit, yet “arriving,” as it seems! Now, hovering here and towering there Here comes another basking-surrealistic dream Certainly, this matter is about an ephemeral gleam - While it calls out a prelude to this timely serene Like a holy descend upon precious things Yes, a Dream—coming (again, keep a straight mind 😊,) with a fluid force technically attached, and going along to hold the following: Aqua Fortis : a cogent thought, flash floating across in an alchemy; cuddling its own brains, and heeding to view a (distinctly) casted indomitable scheme…Yeah it’s all — a DreamThere, at length, comes another sealy scheme, night after night, blanketing over a languorous preen, As if to roll out— everything—scene by scene…There un fledged , until the break of the dawn, spreading and sprawling all over those greens ; now and then, just- halting, but, swooning to wait and then fondle upon dangerous diemsAlong those virtuoso streets where embers dim, And where all seems to merge towards that unspoken meanWith one brief of halt and a tweak of the twinge Here —belies another theme ! But, in there—somewhere—lies that great beginning —O that, of which one ☝️ must ascend to leap towards heavens in that ultimate awakening !A scheme ... nay… O something that drives tender aching or for that limitless soothing, to tell its own reasons —O to yield —sweet awakenings ! Yes , life is a dream ... swoosh ☝️ it appears and phoooof it shall disappear …just like a Casper’s blink…🙏 🧡✨🦋☕️
By Madhu Goteti about a year ago in Humor
The Midnight Canine Conundrum
Dakota Blaqq was an expert in focus. Her office, tucked away on the 14th floor of the Tower of Possible Work, was her sanctuary—an endless sea of whiteboards, sticky notes, and half-empty coffee cups. The task at hand was crucial. She had, for the past six hours, been hunched over her desk, her fingers dancing across her keyboard as though she were in the throes of an epic symphony of productivity. Her three service dogs—Blazz’d, Blunt’d, and Buzz'd—lay nearby, each one in their designated spot: Blazz’d sprawled across the floor like an oversized rug, Blunt’d curled up in the corner under a pile of paperwork, and Buzz'd napping peacefully on the windowsill, gazing out over the city lights. Dakota had trained these dogs herself, each one meticulously prepared to handle any situation that arose. Blazz’d was the alert one, always watching the door for potential threats—mostly delivery drivers, which were a serious nuisance. Blunt’d was her emotional anchor, always there to provide a grounding presence. Buzz'd, however, was the wildcard. Nobody quite knew what Buzz'd did, but when the time came, Dakota could trust that Buzz'd would somehow be the most useful. As she typed furiously, the clock ticked toward midnight. The office building was eerily quiet. She hadn’t noticed the lights flickering above her—nor the soft hum that seemed to be coming from the walls. But the dogs certainly noticed. Blazz’d was the first to stir, raising his head with the alertness of a seasoned professional. Then Blunt’d followed suit, her ears twitching as if listening to some inaudible frequency. Buzz'd, of course, continued his nap, but only because he’d already predicted whatever was about to happen, in his own strange, doggy way. The silence shattered when the building’s intercom system crackled to life, filling the room with a distorted voice. “Dakota Blaqq,” the voice boomed, sounding vaguely like a mix between a vacuum cleaner and a distant alien transmission, “You have been selected. The time is now.” Dakota froze mid-keystroke, her fingers suspended above the keys. "What the hell?" she muttered, looking around the empty office. Blazz’d was already on alert, growling low in his throat. Blunt’d tilted his head, as if considering the statement with some philosophical depth, and Buzzed, well, Buzz'd snored louder. Before Dakota could react, the entire room began to shake. The windows rattled, papers flew off the desk, and a loud whirling sound came from the ventilation system. The lights flickered again—this time a full-on strobe effect. “The time is now,” the voice repeated, and suddenly, the office door burst open. Standing in the doorway was... an inflatable llama, wearing sunglasses and a vest that read “Official Timekeeper.” Dakota blinked. “What the…?” Blazz’d leaped to his feet, barking furiously at the llama. Blunt’d stretched lazily, as if considering the whole thing with a kind of resigned curiosity, while Buzz'd—who, it seemed, had woken up just to witness this—stood on the windowsill, wagging his tail in eager anticipation. “Dakota Blaqq,” the inflatable llama said, his voice smooth as butter but laced with a strange urgency. “I have come to inform you that your services are required for an imminent adventure. Your dogs, as well, are necessary for the mission at hand.” Dakota stood up slowly. “Mission? What mission? Who even are you? And why are you inflatable?” “I am the Timekeeper,” the llama replied matter-of-factly. “And as for the inflatable nature, it’s a long story—too long for this moment. But you’re needed. You’re going to save time itself, Dakota. With your three companions.” Blazz’d barked a series of sharp barks, as though trying to form a question. Blunt’d, looking slightly bored, walked over to sniff the llama's deflating sides. Buzz'd tilted his head, seemingly weighing the situation, before he barked in a tone that sounded suspiciously like a question. Dakota, trying to comprehend the gravity of the situation, placed a hand on her forehead. “I... What? Time itself? How? Why?” The inflatable llama dramatically motioned toward the window, where the city outside had begun to warp—buildings stretched into impossible shapes, traffic lights blinked in reverse, and the stars twinkled in irregular patterns. “The fabric of time is unravelling, and only you, Dakota, can help stitch it back together. Your dogs have been trained for this very purpose.” “What?” Dakota said. “They’re just dogs!” “Not just dogs,” the llama corrected. “They are super dogs. Each one with a unique skill. Blazz’d, for instance, can perceive and manipulate the linearity of time. Blunt’d is an emotional anchor capable of redirecting energy flows. And Buzz'd—well, Buzz'd can bend reality in ways that haven’t yet been scientifically described.” Buzz'd yawned loudly in agreement. Dakota glanced at her dogs. “Okay… but we’re supposed to do what now? I mean, where do we even start?” Before anyone could answer, the office door swung wide open again. This time, it wasn’t just a llama standing there. A parade of inflatable creatures began to file in—penguins wearing tuxedos, a camel with rollerblades, and a giraffe sporting a monocle. Blazz’d barked once, decisively, and jumped to action. He lunged toward the door, turning the doorknob with such precision that it felt like he had done it a thousand times before. Blunt’d followed at a leisurely pace, as though this whole affair was just another Tuesday for her. Buzz'd, however, floated through the air like a confused, contented cloud, following the others without ever touching the ground. Dakota, now fully onboard (mostly due to sheer confusion), followed the animals out of her office and into the elevator. As they descended, the walls of the elevator began to shimmer and warp, the numbers on the floor indicator spinning out of control. Blunt’d glanced at the spinning floor numbers, yawned, and curled up on the floor, while Buzz'd looked up and barked in a way that seemed to urge the elevator to hurry up. The door opened to a bustling, bizarre scene. Time itself had unraveled into a chaotic carnival of sorts—clocks were melting, people were moving backward, and sandwich shops were selling invisible sandwiches. “It’s a time collapse,” the llama explained, now floating beside them. “It’s happening everywhere. Only your dogs, Dakota, can prevent the end of time!” Dakota blinked at the madness unfolding before her eyes. “Okay. I’ll bite. What do we do?” Blazz’d stepped forward, tail wagging with authority, and barked loudly, the sound of it reverberating through the air. The warped landscape seemed to shudder in response. Blunt’d yawned again, but this time, the very ground seemed to shift, realigning itself, slowly stitching together a patch of reality. Buzz'd, in his infinite, unquantifiable wisdom, floated to the center of the chaos, and with a single bark, the fabric of time itself twisted—everything, from the clocks to the invisible sandwiches, snapped back into place. Dakota watched, stunned, as the world around her snapped into a new, more orderly version. The city outside was now normal again. The clocks ticked as they should. And in the midst of it all, her three dogs looked entirely nonchalant. “Well, that was… unexpected,” Dakota muttered. The llama, now deflated and slightly droopy, gave her a thumbs-up with its inflatable hoof. “Mission accomplished. You saved time. Again.” Dakota, her heart still racing, looked down at her dogs. “You guys... You really do have some strange skills.” Blazz’d wagged his tail. Blunt’d stretched lazily. Buzz'd barked once, then curled back into his own personal dimension of unexplainable canine wisdom. And just like that, the most ridiculous adventure of Dakota Blaqq's life was over. The world, somehow, was still intact—and it was almost time for her to get back to her project. Almost.
By Dakota Denise about a year ago in Humor
Liver Between the Lines
"Do you deliver after hours?" The other end of the wire hummed a dimly lit, vacuous kind of empty. "Sir or madam, this is a post office." Croaked a young angsty voice through the noisy land line. "We only operate during office hours, not after office hours."
By Ashley McMahonabout a year ago in Humor
Economy of Produce
“Mommy, why do you eat the grapes?” “To see how sweet they are.” “Can I try a grape?” “No child, you're sweet enough. If you try a grape and it’s sour, it might make you sour too.”
By Daniel Lestrudabout a year ago in Humor
The Staircase. Runner-Up in Absurdist Awakening Challenge.
It was your idea to split a seafood boil at the wharf. One of those blistering Septembers, a plastic bag full of cooked ocean critter carcasses sprawled across my lap, oil dripping onto my new Reef's, first-degree burns blooming on my thighs, but I didn't dare complain because twice you stabbed your fork super close to my crotch and I was cautiously optimistic that it was deliberate. There was a Cirque du Soleil flyer running practice drills in my stomach. I ate the small half of a boiled potato, while you tore apart and slurped the flesh out of each scrawny crab leg, one-by-one. You were chatty, even with your mouth full. There was too much eye contact.
By Morganaabout a year ago in Humor
Performance . Runner-Up in Absurdist Awakening Challenge.
‘Take a seat, Mr Bellewether; I’ll be with you in a moment.’ Alan shuffles over uncertainly to his manager’s desk and pulls out a chair. In the twelve months he has worked at The Office of National Statistics, he has never been addressed by his surname. Was it a tacit admonition? Or maybe a recognition of seniority, a nod at a promotion?
By T. McCormackabout a year ago in Humor
Just Killing Time. Honorable Mention in Absurdist Awakening Challenge.
Bertie slid his wristwatch off and set it on the dinner table. It had stopped working again. He’d already replaced the battery and it had resumed its faithful ticking for a week. But now it had gone silent once more.
By D.K. Shepardabout a year ago in Humor
Buttering The Bagel
First thing in the morning, half-awake, half-dreaming in a pre-caffeinated fog, buttering a bagel is an existential challenge.
By Addison Alderabout a year ago in Humor
Death by Laundry
Once upon a time, in a land far far away (yet close enough that most mother's can relate), there was a young mother who had been sick for an entire week. During this week, she hadn't done any laundry - despite it being an item on her daily to do list.
By Adora Hooperabout a year ago in Humor
Bedtime Absurdities
All 35-lbs of Gerald Tully stood on top of his rocker screaming, ”No bed!! No bed!!” Mr and Mrs. Tully looked at one another. Dark half moons clung to their eyes like the boogers caked to their walls. Mrs Tully’s hair was falling out of her bun and Mr. Tully had yet to change out of his work clothes.
By Josh Rippergerabout a year ago in Humor
Monty Python and the Holy Grail . Top Story - March 2025.
I woke up this morning to one and one-half hours of glorious, old-fashioned comedy sketches from Monty Python. I'm probably feeling a little too glum to write a review of it right now, so let me inform you that this review is, in fact, NOT an actual review, but an approximation of what sort of review I might write if writing a review were what I had in mind. It isn’t, and this is not, and well, I’m still here, and so are you.
By Tom Bakerabout a year ago in Humor
Life is a coincidence and beautiful souls love legendary loves
During the time that I was doing research and exploring the internet, I found myself falling in love with a person from my past once again. Life can be very odd at times.
By TheNaethabout a year ago in Humor