It Never Gets Old

“You don’t stop laughing when you grow old. You grow old when you stop laughing.” ~George Bernard Shaw

SYNOPSIS:

The tables have turned on Charlie Price. Once the proud patriarch of his family and a university professor, the still-spry 70-something’s adult children are now the ones calling the shots. Between his kids and the retirement home staff at Heaven's Gate, he’s being told what to do, when to eat and even when to go to bed--often by an intrusive intercom in his room.

As if that wasn't bad enough, he has to keep his love life with fellow-resident Lily Wong a secret, because his kids would never approve. These Millennials that he once lectured were too young to have sex are now telling him he’s too old. In fact, they seem absolutely squicked by the idea.

But that's not the only secret Charlie has to keep. To supplement his meager pension, Charlie has become an anonymous social media influencer by the name of Sage, who dispenses age-old wisdom and advice that he has gathered through a lifetime of lived experiences.

It Never Gets Old is a unique kind of coming-of-age story, one that people of every generation longs to hear. Told through tales of laughter and love, It Never Grows Old plows through our preconceived notions surrounding generation gaps like a runaway wheelchair, and shatters our assumptions about what it means to grow old. It also explores the irony of the last acceptable “ism” of our time: Ageism.

Following the comical misadventures of 70-something Charlie Price, along with his retirement-home friends and his multi-generational family, this sometimes poignant dramedy illustrates how we don’t come of age just once in our youth. There are lessons and new wisdom to be gained at every age, stage and milestone, as we transition through our long journey from childhood to our golden years.

Each episode of It Never Grows Old presents a humorous and relatable situation that arises from ageism or from a generation gap. From the Silent Generation, Boomers and Gen X at the retirement home, to Charlie's Millennial son and daughter, non-binary 17-year-old Gen-Z grandchild, Emmett, and his savvy 10-year-old Gen Alpha granddaughter, Avery, the characters navigate the hilarious complexities of everything from technology to dealing with differing opinions on social issues, eventually learning to embrace each other's perspectives and find common ground.

At the same time, plots explore other situations surrounding aging and living in a retirement home in a humorous light:

- The always intrusive in-room intercom that squawks out announcements and commands to the residents.

- A resident who has hacked into the home's procurement system and orders better food for the residents and other assored luxuries and treats.

- The activities, events and outings that the home plans for the residents. Some residents mix up puzzle pieces in an effort to win the puzzle championship, another resident gets lost during an outing, and still others decide to hold their own "chair fight club."

TRAILER CLIP 1:

CHARLIE: For Pete's sake. Going on and on about the environment. Always protesting this or that. Don't wanna work. Blaming their parents' generation for all the world's problems. They wanna have sex with multiple partners, all living together like some weird kind of family. And the drugs! Always getting stoned.

KADEEM, a fellow resident, shakes his head: Kids today, huh. What are those Gen Z's even thinking?

CHARLIE: Kids today? I'm talking about us Boomers! Don't you remember? Free love, living in communes, how we were never gonna work for The Man? Hell, those Zoomers are no different than we were at that age. Who do they think they are, acting like the invented the whole concept of rebellion?

MAIN CHARACTERS:

Prof. Charles Price is a spry, divorced 70-something who never thought he'd be living in a retirement home, but one bad bounce on his granddaughter's Pogo stick and here he is, recovering from hip surgery.

The stay was supposed to be temporary, but to his surprise, Charlie has found a happy new life for himself at Heaven's Gate Home. Little does his family know that, to supplement his meager pension, the staid and dry-witted Charlie is now a social media influencer with nearly 10 million followers. Using the avatar of a young woman named Sage, he dispenses age-old wisdom and advice that he has learned through a lifetime of lived experiences.

Charlie has also found romance again at the Home, with fellow-resident Lily Wong. But he and Lily must keep their relationship secret from their kids, as they would never understand or approve. Because, you know, seniors aren't supposed to have sex.

Lily Wong is from a culture where putting your elder into a retirement home would be a source of great shame, but widowed Lily is refusing to give up the freedom and independence she has found at Heaven's Gate.

An older Gen-X, Lily originally entered the home with her older husband who needed care. But he has now passed, and having fallen in love with Charlie, she's happy to stay on at the home.

Betty Ann, a survivor from the Silent Generation, has dementia and memory loss. As far as the staff and the other residents know, she also has no family; she's an orphan who was adopted as an only child and who never married nor had kids. Everyone at Heaven's Gate does their best to help Betty live her day to day life in comfort and joy, whether it be pretending to be someone from her past life or helping her enjoy a sensory stimulating hot chocolate with marshmallows.

But it's clear there are some secrets and mysteries hidden deep down in Betty's locked memory, which will be revealed bit by bit over time. In the meantime, Betty Ann is still very much a person in her own right, perhaps not remembering her friends or what she had for lunch, but suddenly bringing forth a memory or fact from the distant past that helps to solve a mystery or save the day for everyone.

Emmett Price is Charlie's oldest grandchild, a non-binary Gen Z 17-year-old with whom Charlie has shared a close and special bond since Emmett's birth. At 17, Emmett is confused about their future, trying to decide which university they want to attend and which career they might want to have.

TRAILER CLIP 2:

EMMETT (condescendingly, taking Charlie's mobile phone from him): Grandpa, let me help you with that.

CHARLIE: Look kid, your generation may use the internet, but just remember that it was my generation who invented it!

Nicole Price is Charlie's daughter and Emmett's mother. As an older Millennial, born in the early 80s, she is a feminist career woman who is 40 years old and thinking about the next stage of her life. She worries about Charlie and often smothers him, treating him as far older and more fragile than he actually is. While trying to help, she often is the creator of many of Charlie's problems.

Paul Price is Charlie's son and the father of Avery, Charlie's granddaughter. Also a Millenniall, Paul is the exact opposite in the way he relates to his father. A fountain of Dad jokes, he breaks his father out of the home to go to the ballgame, sneaks in fast food and junk food, and sets up wheelchair races among the residents. Like his sister though, Paul's shenanigans often get his father in trouble.

Avery Price is Charlie's ten-year-old granddaughter. A member of Generation Alpha, or Gen A, Avery is all too aware of the world's complexities she will face as she grows up. Wise beyond her years, but a satirical cynic, she speaks to her grandfather about a future state of affairs he could never have imagined in his lifetime.

TRAILER CLIP 3:

EMMETT: I know I should be applying to colleges, but I'm thinking about taking a gap year. Maybe backpacking across Europe. I know that's hard for you to understand but I feel like I need to discover who I really am.

CHARLIE: You're right Emmett, people my age never thought about backpacking across Europe. But listen. You have your whole life ahead of you. And you have recognize that one day you're going to have to support yourself, and maybe a spouse and a family.

EMMETT: So you're saying I should forget about travelling and go straight to college, right? Because life is too short.

CHARLIE: No, Emmett. Life is too long. You have to live with the decisions you make today for the rest of your life. So don't be rushed. Do the traveling. Learn who you are. Do it on your own terms, and your own time.

EPISODE 1 STORY OVERVIEW:

OPENING SCENE I:

Charles and Lily, an elderly couple, are blissfully sleeping like any loving married couple would, his arm wrapped around her waist.

Without warning, the silence is pierced when a high-pitched, perky voice booms over a loudspeaker into their bedroom.

“Good morning, Heaven’s Gate residents! Time to rise and shine!”

Startled, Charles and Lily yell and sit bolt upright in the bed, holding the sheets in a way that makes it obvious they’re both naked.

“Just a reminder that today is the Annual Family Day Picnic! Your family members are already arriving here in the dining room so get ready for a day chock full of fun. See you downstairs soon!”

Charles and Lily sit with their mouths agape and look at each other in horror. “Family Day? That’s today?” they exclaim to each other in unison.

Charles hops out of bed in his boxer shorts and starts hopping around the room as he tries to pull on his jeans.

Lily reaches under the pillow and grabs a sexy lingerie robe, throwing it over her bare shoulders and then hopping out of the bed as well.

“I’ve got to get back to my room!” she exclaims. “What if they’re already here? How do I explain why I’m coming home early in the morning, dressed like this?”

With one leg finally into his pants, Charles stops his hopping and sits down on the bed, pulling on a T-shirt while looking at Lily thoughtfully. “You know, maybe it’s time to tell the kids about us. My kids, too.”

“Oh no, my kids would never understand. They’d disown me. They’d probably take away my phone and forbid me to see you.”

:Come on. We sound like a couple of teenagers hiding from our parents. You think it would be that hard for them to accept their mother has a need for companionship? It’s 2023.”

“I have three kids. They still think I had sex three times. And besides, all those times I told them growing up that sex outside of marriage was a sin. How do I explain my change of heart?”

“Well, start with how getting married would cut our benefits in half.”

Lily draws up close to him and leans in for kiss. “I’m just not ready to come out. See you on the other side?”

“See you on the other side,” he agrees, looking at her lovingly.

“Pretend you don’t know me!” Lily reminds him as she flies out the door.

Charles locks the door behind her. He quickly moves to a corner of the room where he starts to move equipment into his closet—laptops, audio equipment, go pros—everything an influencer needs.

While he’s doing this, however, there’s a loud knocking at the door. “Happy Family Day, Dad!” comes a strident female voice. “Hi, Dad! Happy Family Day, Dad! Dad?”

“Be right there!” Charles shouts as he puts his equipment in the closet.

“He must not be wearing his hearing aid!” says the voice behind the door. She begins to shout louder, “DAD! DAD! Are you in there?”

“I’m coming!” Charles shouts impatiently, as he closes the closet door and heads towards the door of his residence.

“Maybe he fell!” shouts the voice. “I’ll use my key!”

Just as Charles reaches for the doorknob, the door quickly opens, smashing Charles in the forehead and knocking him backwards to the ground.

“Oh, my gosh, he HAS fallen!” his daughter shrieks, as she pushes the door the rest of the way open and kneels by Charles. “Call an ambulance! Get a doctor. Bring me a hot washcloth1”

“No! I’m fine!” says Charles, struggling to sit up. “I didn’t fall. I was knocked over!”

“But you did fall! You’re on the floor! Did you faint? ” Nicole sucks in her breath. “Oh my gosh, are you saying you don’t remember falling? Are you getting dementia?”

“I am not getting…” Charles begins, but he’s cut off by a voice from the intercom:

“Professor Price? Are you all right? We’ve received a message from your medical alert bracelet that you’ve fallen.”

“I didn’t fall! I was knocked over…”

“He did fall! He was lying on the floor when I came in!”

“The nurse will be right up, Professor Price.”

Charles gets up and sits down on the couch.

“Hi, Grandpa,” says Emmett. “Happy Family Day.” Emmett is 17, non-binary and uses the pronouns they/them.

“Hi Emmett,” says Charles. “Come give me a hug.” They exchange a hug and Emmett sits down on the couch beside him.

“Hey, hey, Charles,” says Clinton, Nicole's husband, reaching out to shake Charles’ hand. “Guess it’s been a couple of weeks since we last came to visit.”

“It’s been three months, actually,” Charles says dryly. “Easter, to be exact.”

“Are you sure?” says Clint awkwardly. “Oh well, time flies!”

The nurse has arrived and Nicole is frantically filling the nurse in. “He wouldn’t answer the door, so I used my key and found him on the floor, out cold. And he couldn’t remember what happened!”

“That’s not true at all!” says Charles.

“He’s in denial,” nods the nurse to Denise. “It’s a common sign in these situations.”

“I’m in the room!” chides Charles. “Talk to me, not my daughter.”

The nurse walks over to Charles.

“Charles, can you tell me what day it is?”

“It’s Family Day, the most terrible day of the year.”

“Where are you living right now?”

“Heaven’s Waiting Room.”

The nurse looks at Denise meaningfully. “Don’t you mean Heaven’s Gate?”

“I call it Heaven’s Waiting Room. If you watched your friends going into the light on a regular basis, you’d understand why.”

The nurse shines a light into Charles eyes, blinding him.

“Well, there’s no sign of a concussion, but we’re going to keep our eye on you.”

“Does that mean Grandpa can go in the egg toss with me?” pipes up a little girl, Avery.

“No,” says the nurse.

“Yes,” says Charles.

“Charles!” gasps Lily, standing at the open door. “What’s happened? Why is the nurse here?” She rushes in and sits on the couch beside him, opposite Emmett, grasping his hand in hers and looking at him with great concern.

“And just who are you?” asks Nicole suspiciously.

“Oh, haha, I’m no one,” Lily replies, having remembered herself. She flings Charles’ hand away from hers. “Just a neighbor from down the hall.”

She jumps up and trots out the door. As she passes by Nicole, she turns and point to Charles. “I barely know him,” she says earnestly, shaking her head back and forth.

“You gotta be careful about the widows in here, Dad,” Nicole says. “They’ll eat you alive. They'll take you for every dime you’ve got.”

“Let’s just get downstairs for the pancake breakfast,” Charles pleads. “The sooner we start, the sooner we can get it over with.”

SCENE II

Charlie and his family are ready to play the games for the Family Day events, and Charlie is playing to win.

Working with Emmett and Avery, he scretely grabs another senior's bag during the scavenger hunt and adds those objects to their own pile.

During the tug of war, he ties the end of the rope to a tree.

During musical chairs, he secretly trips an opponent so that Avery is able to slide into the seat.

Charlie and the kids win a trophy, only to have it taken away once the other residents accuse him of cheating.

"Don't we even get a participation trophy?" Avery asks.

"Not today kiddo," says Charlie. "But let this be a lesson to you. Cheaters never win."

"Tell that to the capitalists," says Avery, as she runs off to find her parents.

"Come on, let's go back to my room and get something cold to drink."

SCENE III

Charlie and Emmett are back in his room. Charlie has left the door ajar, waiting for the other family members to return.

Charlie gets two cold glasses of water from his small fridge, and he and Emmett sit down on the couch, facing the bed. They begin to talk and laugh about the day's events and how cheating is always wrong.

Meanwhile, Lily comes up and peers through the opening at the door.

Just then, Emmett gets an odd look on his face. He reaches over and pulls something out from under the bed. He holds it up. It's a red racy negligee.

Lily gasps, putting her hand to her mouth. Her secret is about to be revealed.

“Grandpa," Emmett stammers, "What…whose is…”

Charlie looks over at the door and sees Lily standing there, looking striken.

“It’s...it's mine,” says Charlie.

"What!'

"Sure. I like to wear those things sometimes."

Emmett smiles, putting the negligee back under the bed. "Just like me."

Charlie nods. "Must run in the family." He looks over at Lily and winks. "This will be our little secret."

"For sure," Emmett says. He sits back down on the couch as the rest of the family pours in, everyone chattering at once.

FADE OUT