Dear CK, Many Thanks

Dear CK,

Thank you so much for letting me stay at your place. 💕 Truly, you are a saint for letting someone stay in your home while you were away. Gold stars for you, my friend!! ⭐️ ⭐️ The fully stocked fridge was fabulous, and I survived on those yogurts and smoothies. You are an excellent and thoughtful friend.

Just one tiny thing I need to mention. There was a slight mishap with your blender. Your cooktop is amazing but confusing, and the placement of the front burner dial isn't intuitive for a lefty. Long story short, the Ninja blender met with a fiery demise, its plastic bottom bubbling on the electric burner. Don't freak out—I fixed it. I replaced the melted Ninja blender with a stainless-steel KitchenAid, which is several steps up from the Ninja. This new one will blow your mind; you will love it!

Now, about your downstairs neighbor. On Sunday, he arrived at the door, banging so loudly, I thought it was an ICE raid. After peering through the eyehole and seeing it was a young surfer looking guy in shorts, I answered. He said I had parked in his space. Unfortunately, I didn’t have information about where to park, and I didn’t see any numbers on the spaces. I followed him out to move the rental car. The parking spaces are pretty tight. This guy (in typical manly fashion) had to watch me back out. As I cleared his bumper, he dropped his iPhone. I ran over it. Honestly, that was his fault, not mine. I refused his demands to replace it. Does he think I’m stupid? Clever, conniving way to get a replacement for an iPhone 15, I would say. No way, Jose! (That is not his name, LOL. He was quite cute, but obstinate to the nth degree. Don’t date him!!)

You will find your fridge is sparkling clean, too! To repay you, I shined it up and restocked the eggs and creamer. Your beautiful antique cream pitcher is now a showpiece on your kitchen island. It’s safe from being tipped over in the fridge and no longer at the mercy of toppling yogurt containers.

What a fabulous wine collection you have. I sat by the fireplace (unlit, since it is summer), reading my novel, when Dirty Dancing with Patrick Swayze came on television. Immediately, I craved wine. So many upscale choices, CK, so many! Viogniers, Rieslings, Chardonnays, alongside Cab Francs, Syrahs, Pinot Noirs… Faced with overwhelming choices, I did what any wine snob would do: I closed my eyes and picked at random. With eyes closed, I swirled the wine, inhaling the aroma, then opened my eyes to see the legs on the glass. Superb, I must say. You have splendid taste in wine; I must, too. Thanks for sharing with me. I only drank one bottle of your 2018 The Dirt Worshipper Syrah. There was only one of them in your collection, and it was gracious of you to give me free rein of your home and wine collection. We should make a trip to Denner Vineyards next time I am in town.

After a couple of nights, I realized I’m not sold on your mattress—it’s too soft for my liking. It is like a marshmallow cloud wrapping me up, such that I could not turn. I tried the sofabed next, but the springs poked me so insistently that I couldn’t get comfortable there either. To fix this during my stay, I had CORT Furniture Rental bring out a NEW mattress that's more to my liking. I promise your original mattress is unharmed, unless you think the extreme plastic wrapping to protect it infused it with phthalates or chemicals that might harm you. It was placed by the far wall of your living room, near the patio door. While moving the mattress, I took your gorgeous paintings off the wall so they wouldn’t get damaged. Where did you find them? I’d love to showcase that artist in my office! The good news: now you have a choice of mattresses. If you don’t prefer the CORT one, I prepaid for pickup within a 6 month timeframe. Aren’t choices great?

P.S. If you discover any unexpected upgrades, or if there are any bits of smoothie juice, egg splatters, or a lingering odor of burning plastic, consider it my personal touch and way of saying thanks!

Your Dirt Worshipper friend, Carlotta. 💋

Copyright © 4/26/2026 by Andrea O. Corwin

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