Bathroom Gymnastics at 35,000 Feet

I wasn’t planning on sharing this story because, quite frankly, it was embarrassing. But today, while remembering it, I laughed so hard that I figured if I can laugh at myself, everyone else should get the opportunity too.

Recently, I flew to Utah to visit my grandson. The flight was nearly five hours long, and for most of it, the plane seemed determined to audition for a role in *The Fast and the Furious: Sky Edition.*

I needed to use the restroom but kept postponing it because the turbulence was relentless. Finally, the seatbelt sign turned off, and the plane calmed down enough that I thought, 'Now’s my chance.'

From seat 3C, it was only a short journey to the restroom. I carefully made my way there, squeezed into the tiny closet they generously call a lavatory, and locked the door.

Everything was going according to plan.

Then the turbulence returned.

Not the gentle little bumps that make you spill a sip of coffee.

No.

This was the kind of turbulence that makes you wonder if the pilot accidentally drove into a pothole in the sky.

Unfortunately, I had already stood up and was in the middle of pulling up my underwear and pants when the battle began.

Suddenly, I was being launched from side to side like a pinball. One moment I was slamming into the wall on my right, the next I was ricocheting off the sink on my left. I reached out to steady myself and accidentally knocked the toilet seat cover dispenser off the wall.

**BANG!**

The sound echoed through the cabin like I had just kicked the door off a bank vault.

Now I had a new mission: put the dispenser back where it belonged before anyone thought I was demolishing the aircraft from the inside.

But every time I bent down to pick it up, the plane would lurch, and I’d bounce into something else. The wall. The sink. The door. Back to the wall. Back to the sink.

At this point, I wasn’t using the restroom anymore. I was competing in an Olympic event called Bathroom Gymnastics at 35,000 Feet.

Meanwhile, the toilet cover dispenser and I were engaged in our own wrestling match.

I could almost hear a sports announcer narrating the event:

"In the blue corner, weighing considerably more than she would like to admit, Debbie from Florida! And in the red corner, the reigning champion, the Airplane Toilet Seat Cover Dispenser!"

The dispenser was winning.

Every time I thought I had it under control, another jolt would send it flying from my hands like a greased football. At one point, I was half convinced that somewhere outside the bathroom door, passengers were placing bets on who would emerge victorious.

Eventually, through sheer determination and what I can only assume was divine intervention, I managed to flush the toilet, finish dressing myself, wash my hands, and restore the dispenser to its rightful place.

And then…the turbulence stopped.

Instantly.

As if the universe had said, *Okay, we’re done messing with Debbie now.*

I straightened my clothes, fixed my hair, took a deep breath, and opened the door.

Every single person was looking at me.

Apparently, the combination of repeated loud crashes, bangs, thuds, and what probably sounded like a small bear fighting a washing machine had attracted attention.

For a split second, I considered turning around, closing the door, and living in the lavatory for the remainder of the flight.

Instead, I stepped out with all the confidence I could muster.

The flight attendant immediately asked, “Are you okay?”

Trying to preserve what little dignity I had left, I smiled and said, “Yes, I’m fine.”

What I wanted to say was, *"No, ma’am. I just spent the last five minutes in hand-to-hand combat with airplane equipment and lost most of my dignity somewhere over Nebraska."*

Then I walked back to my seat as calmly as possible, pretending I hadn’t just spent the last several minutes reenacting a scene from *Titanic* inside an airplane bathroom.

To this day, I’m convinced that turbulence was scheduled specifically around my restroom visit.

The pilot probably announced, “Ladies and gentlemen, we’ll be experiencing some turbulence.”

What he really meant was: "Debbie just went to the bathroom. Let’s make this interesting."

And somewhere, I’m certain that toilet seat cover dispenser is still telling its side of the story. It probably won.

Previously published on Medium, on June 17, 2026.