Your Partner is not Your Savior.

Savior: A person who saves someone or something from danger, situations and even themselves.

I dated someone once who thought that I should be in charge of their happiness and who also thought that my happiness should be dependent on how happy they were not just in our relationship...but in life.

The things that I said and the things that I did not say, the things that I did and the things that I did not do, all dictated whether or not they would survive the day.

If I was not happy, neither were they. If I was upset or angry, so were they. This empathist behavior was the worst I had ever seen and it was way too much pressure.

You mean that I have to be happy all the time? You mean to tell me that I have to say everything just right? And what you are also saying, is that I can't have a bad day?

This was the dumbest shit ever and that's why we never got past the dating stage.

In relationships we often make the mistake of believing that our partner has come into our life to save us. Some believe that they are not whole without a partner, that their romantic relationships are a measurement to their life's success. Some even go as far to believe that we can't fulfill our purpose without a partner to help us. I was once told that we are just shells of ourselves until the right person comes along to fill us up...this was also, the dumbest shit ever.

This is absolutely a skewed way of thinking. This type of codependent behavior can lead to unnecessary arguments and resentment on both sides of the playing field.

The codependent party will feel as if their partner doesn't care enough about them to make sure that their days are perfect or that they are always happy. If the codependent person happens to fall into a funk, they strongly believe that it is their partner's 'responsibility' to pick them up out of that funk.

We as humans need to be a complete person by ourselves. We need to be as whole as possible to be able to live the best life that we can. We have to depend on our own strength to make us strong, on our own sense of humor to make us laugh. Sometimes we have to hug ourselves and love ourselves and nurture ourselves. And when the person comes along that we decide to call partner, then they can assist us on our journey.

In relationships we naturally want to make our partners happy. We want to see them smile. We want to give them everything that we think they want or need, and this is fine. What isn't fine is being the sole source of our partner's happiness.

It is not your responsibility to make your partner happy, but to add to their happiness. It is not your partner's responsibility to make you laugh, but to make you laugh harder. It is not your responsibility to complete your partner, but it is your responsibility to add to their completion.

Your partner is supposed to be your Helpmate. They are there to help you through life the best way that they can. Your partner should add to your existence not take away from it. Both of you should have food to bring to the table so both of you can eat.

If you want to know if you are a codependent partner or if you are in a codependent relationship click here to take the quiz.