You're The Dummy For Believing These Relationship Cliches Exist In Real Life

One of the most messed up parts of having a problem in your life is the platitudes.

Everything is going to be ok. Keep your chin up. Just keep going. If you put it out of your mind, you will get over it.

We all know first hand these stupid, basic and oversimplified lines do nothing when the going gets tough. Sure, my grandparent has just died from a horrible bout of cancer (an example) but I'll just keep my chin up and get on with it. That's what I needed to hear, am I right?

Ok, I'll drop the sarcasm. But we know these things don't help us. No one needs to say it.

But for some reason when we're feeling equally troubled about our relationships, the people in our life trump up the relationship cliches. They're almost platitudes. We use them in the same way.

• I knew this friend who…
• Good things come to those who wait.
• When you know, you know.

I don't want to be the killer of romantic dreams. I'm actually a hopeless romantic in many ways. A cynic in other ways, too.

As much as it's nice to believe in the fairy tales of romance, and the unbelievable stories of love, the authentic in me can't let everyone go on believing they're true.

Here are the relationship cliches you're foolish for believing are true. Or, more to the point, the ones you assume will someday happen to you.

Lie #1: Two people who like each other, but never say it to each other

In high school, everyone had a crush on someone. I had a crush on a guy who went to a different school than me, caught a different bus home than me, but happened to wait at the bus stop as me.

I knew him by name, only because I overheard one of his friends say it one time. I never told him I liked him. I was fifteen, after all.

But you know in movies when you see two adults go through their lives secretly liking each and not saying anything about it? Yeah, that doesn't happen very often.

There are exceptional circumstances. These could be:

• During the first few days of meeting each other - Because you don't want to be too forward. You wait until the moment is right to say something.
• The other person has already put you in the friend zone - They have already started talking to you about their love life, someone they like or even mentioned they see you as a friend, and that's it.
• The other person has a partner - They're taken and will never explore emotional infidelity in that way

You have a partner - You won't explore emotional infidelity either.

Don't think someone you know is secretly in love with you. And not saying it to you.

Most mature adults aren't going to spend months, years, or decades of their life hiding their love for someone. They're either going to:

• Make a move on you, in their own unique way.
• Tell you they like you/are interested in you/want to have sex with you.
• Get over it and never tell you because it was a momentary infatuation at best.

Lie #2: Best friend exes

Sometimes I love watching old re-runs of Friends. Then sometimes I get so frustrated that a popular television show paints this mature picture of friendly exes.

Though it seems great in theory that Ross and Rachel are so close despite their history, this level of harmony is a pipe dream for most people.

As you can probably tell, I'm not friends with any of my exes. They aren't in my life in any sort of way.

• I don't see them in social situations or mix with mutual friends.
• I don't keep them on my social media.
• I don't contact them through messages or email.
• If I saw them in the street, I would likely avoid them, ignore them or walk the other way. 

And the break-ups weren't that bad either. It's life. People move on. I have friends I haven't seen in years who I've been meaning to catch up with. Again, such is life, we haven't made it work.

If I'm not chasing my friends, people I want to see, why would I put that effort in with an ex?

Now I know I'm not the authority on friendly exes, and my experiences aren't the hard and fast rule. There are exceptional circumstances, again, in which you could say this cliche has merit. These could be:

• When you share a business with your ex
• When you share children with your ex
• When your ex's family is your own family
• When your ex is part of your close social circle
• When your ex is dependent on you, despite breaking up

But for most of us, these extenuating circumstances don't mean we're best friends with our ex, or that we're happy about them still being in our life.

Lie #3: Wife v. Husband

Something I never quite understood was the way society portrays marriage. It's a battle of the sexes, or values, or two people going to war. Or all those circumstances fused together.

It's a constant struggle. And as a child of divorce, I thought those cliches were true. Every time I saw this narrative played out on the screen, it was like the camera was in my childhood home.

There's so much to fight for, apparently. Wife v. Husband can be over any of the following:

• Trust issues
• Cheating or implying someone is cheating
• Who does what around the house
• Who does what to annoy the other person
• Sex and who wants it more
• Nagging and everything associated with forcing a partner to do what they want
• Money and who earns more of it

Whilst I know these fights and arguments and have witnessed many of them, they aren't the foundation of every marriage. Nor does a modern couple enter into a marriage thinking it's a war with their partner.

And for the people who do think this about marriage, or men versus women in the domestic setting, there are no winners. 

Everyone loses. 

Because marriages don't survive when both sides aren't on the same team.

Lie #4: Every woman is waiting for their man to propose

I mention this one because it's close to home, and I can speak for my sex. But before I do, this isn't men versus women. Not even close. It's about what society believes women do in relationships. 

That's all I'm trying to clarify.

There is a nasty assumption all women are waiting for their current partner to propose. They are waiting for the day he decides when it's time to get married. And waits impatiently for the moment he surprises her with the magic only found in fairy tales. 

It's this idea women look forward to the future and want to skip to all the 'good bits'. But in reality:

• Women often don't want to marry their partner - They don't want to get married at all, don't want to marry this person, are even thinking about leaving their partner
• Women are still working out whether the person they are with is right for them - If they aren't committed, how do they expect the man to be too?
• Women are focused on other aspects of their life, not marriage - Planning a wedding is the least of our priorities.
• Women don't believe they need a ring to have other things in life - A marriage doesn't hold back having kids, house etc.

This doesn't mean if you're waiting for your man to propose that you're doing the wrong thing. Let's be clear; everyone can wait, expect and hope for a proposal. 

There are no rules here.

The problem with believing these false narratives

What doesn't exist in relationships, without a doubt, is the idea of normal. That I can bank my entire career on.

What's normal to me isn't normal to someone else. What's acceptable in my relationship isn't acceptable to another relationship.

We will never agree on the ideal relationship. And I'm ok with that.

What these cliches encourage is a belief in the normal. They suggest if you and your partner aren't doing these things, you're the weird ones.

That's a big problem, especially if we act on fixing our relationship to meet the norm. Or defy it.

You won't find happiness if you keep comparing how you go about life with someone else's. It's a surefire recipe for disaster.

And in relationships, there's enough of that without trying. So let's not add any more in, shall we?