You Bring the Wine

One thing that you will learn as you get older is that young love, and first love, while both romantic and very satisfying, are not the only kinds of love. They are not the only kinds of romance. When they happen, it is wonderful, and then life moves on. Not every love story stay happy, ever after.

Second love, or even a third love, can be just as satisfying. Maybe it's not as thrilling, but it can be every but as good; maybe even better. Like wine, Human Beings keep evolving and growing over time. There's even a saying for that charming third time. You’ve probably heard it.

At forty, I was happy and stable. A series of promotions had landed me in the best job I had ever had, and my wife's career was taking off, too, after several long years of suffering. Maybe a family was next? Many start earlier, but it wasn't too late.

Life, or at any rate, my wife, had other ideas. What started as a whirlwind romance ended a decade later for all the standard reasons and in a fairly standard way. In other words, it ended much like my first marriage had ended.

It did take quite a while, however, before all was settled. For just over two years, we went back and forth. We enjoyed a lot of lunches, a few dinners, but never breakfast. We talked about getting back together but it never quite happened. She seemed to want it. I said I wanted that, too.

I have to admit that my love life was not on hold for two years. Before you judge me, I'll only say that my wife had set the precedent. If I did go on a date, I was always up front about where I was in my marriage. We are separated. For some women I met, that was no problem. For others, it was a hard pass. And that's completely fair.

One woman I met during that time stood out. Ann and I really clicked with each other. We could sit and talk for hours and the the time just slipped away. She was intelligent and funny and had a lot of interesting experiences. Some of them were especially relatable.

With Ann, it wasn't a yes or a no. Somehow, without saying it out loud, we both knew it was a “wait, for now.”

We both could feel that there was something special between us. It was more than a spark, more than mere mutual attraction. We'd both been around the block and we were ready for a grown up relationship.

We both knew that couldn't happen as long as I was still married to someone else, however doomed and distant that marriage seemed. It was unspoken but we agreed. We're friends, for now.

Six months passed. Ann and I would have lunch sometimes. Never dinner, and definitely never breakfast. After a few times, though, we stopped. Time just started to pass. Another six months went by, maybe longer.

I dated someone else for a couple months, but then we broke up.

I finally came to terms with the obvious truth that all my friends were trying to make me understand. It was over, and had been over for a long time. I talked to my wife about needing to let go and move on. We both agreed: no more back and forth. No more lunches. We wished each other happy lives.

I got some therapy. I did some healing.

Sometime around September, I decided the time was right to call Ann. Waiting was over.I never asked Ann to wait for me. The possibility of a future together was never spoken aloud, not explicitly. It was certainly never promised.

I think we wanted it to be clean if it happened. If we were to have something together, it couldn't start as a fling or a rebound. But there was a big risk in taking that high road.

It turns out she had found someone else while I was trying to find myself. But, luckily for me, that was short lived: as short lived as my own try.

We chatted for a couple minutes and then I said to her "why don't you come to my house for dinner on Friday night. I'll fix salmon, and you can bring some wine.

She accepted. She probably said "ooh, you never told me you can cook!"

The salmon was good. The wine was even better. As I lifted my glass of Merlot, I knew that waiting was the right move. I'm just lucky I didn't wait too long. We finally had dinner.

This year Ann and I will celebrate 10 years together. Our daughter just turned eight. And now we even have a wine fridge in the dining room.